Have you ever tried an activity because your partner loves it?
My guess is at some point, we have all done this. We love our partner, we want to be a part of their lives, and we want to be a part of something they love. That seems fair and reasonable. One day a week you go bowling with your partner, one day a week they go dancing with you, and you live happily ever after…
But what if one person joins every activity their partner enjoys, but there is no quid quo pro?
Should there be a balance of power when it comes to free time activities?
Think about your free time, and by free time I mean the time when you are not working, taking care of parents/children, or taking care of the house. (unless gardening or decorating are actual hobbies):
With the time that is left over- what do you do? What percent is spent with your partner? With partner time, was the activity chosen by you, your partner, or is it something that you both love equally?
If you are in a relationship, who is making the “free time” decisions?
I admit- I plan the majority of our social lives, so the balance definitely tips towards me: I read about new restaurants and activities and such. I keep a running bucket list of places and activities that I want to try.
When I look at the list I think of which things my husband will love (cider tasting or archery) and which ones he will not love (embroidery workshop or lecture on flower arranging) If I take him to something he might be so-so about (documentaries or botanic garden), I include really good food. My husband will do anything if outstanding food comes into play…If we are going to a movie or the theater, I take him to the things I think he will enjoy, and save the other things for my daughter, mother, friends or I go myself.
Technically we are doing things I love, but I try to make the experience somewhat enjoyable for him.
But what if you don’t love your partners choice of activities?
What if you are constantly doing what your partner wants, but never what you want?
Have you “learned” to love what your partner loves?
Does your partner try to “love” the activities that you do?
What is your free time power balance?
Do you wish the free time power balance was different?
Assume that your you have a completely free day on Saturday with no responsibities:
What is your perfect day?
What is your partner’s perfect day?
Now what’s the Venn diagram…how much do you overlap?