Yesterday we talked about bait and switch- presenting yourself as one thing, but really being something different…
A few of the comments made me think…
Laura wondered how you know the difference between bait and switch, evolution, growth and change?
I replied that I had absolutely no idea…but here’s my attempt at identifying the differences:
I knew a woman who joined a ski club. She does ski, but she joined in the hopes that she would meet single men. Ok- I get this. If you’re tired of set ups and internet dating, this is a great real life option.
She did succeed in meeting a guy- a guy who was really into skiing of all sorts whether it be downhill or water or jet. This was his thing- adrenaline junky, high speed outdoors type of guy.
Ok fine. They began dating. He planned ski weekends for them. Inevitably, every time they were supposed to ski, she bailed out. Sick, work, etc. First off, he lost a lot of money because some tickets are non refundable. Secondly, he didn’t actually get the kind of partner he thought he was getting: someone who shared his interest in skiing and outdoor things. In the years they were together, I don’t think they actually skied together once, either on water or land. The relationship ended up failing, but not because she didn’t ski. It ended because in all things, she often said one thing and did another. He didn’t actually know who she was, and that was what he couldn’t abide.
Bait and switch.
Back in the day, I used to like to go to bars. I could sit on a stool and bs for hours. I liked to stay up late. As years went by, I enjoyed this less and less. Now, the thought of sitting on a stool in a crowded loud bar makes me hyperventilate. True, I still love a good cocktail bar, with a long inventive drink list, and comfortable seats and a lovely waitperson to take my order, but I no longer like generic bars. And seriously- the goal is to walk the dog at 10 and be in pajamas by 10:15.
My husband still likes those type of establishments, staying out late. I no longer do.
Bait and switch?
No. I have changed as a person. Once I enjoyed that atmosphere. Now I do not. I have changed into someone who likes a quieter atmosphere, and who doesn’t like to stand when she drinks. And who values sleep.
Sometimes we do things when we are young that we regret as we get older. These things may or may not have been healthy choices. As we get older we realize that we may have made a few mistakes, hence we have grown. When we may have once enjoyed living six people in a tiny apartment and didn’t really worry about cleaning up, we may realize that it may not be the best way to proceed in the future. We grow as a person.
Evolving is when we have experience, when we have been places and done things. We may start out as a lawyer but realize that our dream is to be a pastry chef. There is nothing wrong with this: sometimes it takes awhile to figure out what it is that we really want to be.
We change, evolve and grow every day- whether intentionally or not. That’s part of the life cycle: we get older we see things differently. That’s natural. It’s authentic
Intentionally saying you are A, when you are actually B is the issue. If you really don’t like skiing, don’t tell the guy you meet at a party that you need to ski like you need air to breathe- you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment. Don’t say what you think someone wants to hear: say what you mean, what you feel.
Be you. As the saying goes, everyone else is taken.