Remember the day you met your partner?

You saw each other across a room, eyes locked, the crowds parted so the two of you could meet…

They touched your hand, and said “Will you be mine forever?”

What?

It didn’t happen like that?

No way?!

You didn’t just meet and become partners?

You dated first?

Who would think that you date before you have a relationship?

Ok- enough with the hijinks…you meet someone you’re interested in. You date. Many times you move in together. You’re a couple. There are stages to a relationship: meet, get to know one another, fall in love, commit, cohabitate. That’s pretty much the cycle when two people become one…

So if we ‘date’ beforehand, why don’t we ‘date’ during?

Dating is a way to get to know one another, spend time together as a couple. Have fun, flirt, create memories…why would we stop?

Dating is making an effort to be in the moment with a partner. Making an effort. Shouldn’t the hallmark of any relationship be making an effort with one’s partner?

There are all different types of dates: some are extravagant, others low key. Some require planning, or they can be spur of the moment. Some require doing what the partner likes but you might not necessarily like. while others can be something you both love.  Some can be as simple as playing a game at home, or watching a movie on Netflix (chill optional), while others could be going out to the theater. My definition of date is any time the two people involved in a relationship are together without distraction.

Shouldn’t we want to be with our partner without distraction?

There might be a thousand reasons why you say that you don’t ‘date’ your partner.

But shouldn’t you want to date your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together?

In the beginning of a relationship, you look forward to seeing them, talking, touching, being with them…

Time goes by….

You should still want to talk, touch and be with your partner…

If you don’t want to- think about what that means…

When you are both at home, how much time do you spend together?

Let me clarify: I think it is really important that people have their own interests. I am the queen of alone time. If I don’t have time to be by myself I spontaneously combust. I need a bath, or time to read or create. We all know I can’t blog if the husband is around…

But..

when you and your partner are both home, are you often in different rooms?

Do you go an evening with barely saying a word to one another?

Do you know what is going on in your partners life?

Do you care what is going on in your partners life?

Is the way you and your partner interact OK with you?

Is the way your relationship is the way you want it to be?

If you have gone to the trouble to choose “THE ONE” then try to make it the best relationship possible. Make the effort with your partner. Be with them.

If you don’t want to make an effort, be with them physically, emotionally and intellectually, ask yourself why. And then ask yourself if this is how you want your life to play out…

60 thoughts on “Remember When”

  1. My husband and I met 25 years ago this year. We lived in the same apartment building. His bedroom was right below mine. We’ve been together ever since. I can’t say we went on a lot of dates over the years. In the early years, we didn’t have the money or family support to help with the kids. Then after they started school my husband and I worked together. We spent a lot of time together making decisions regarding work and family. We still see each other all the time, but rarely go on dates. We made things work with what resources we had. Again it’s always best to find what works and go with it.

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  2. What a thought provoking post! 🙂 Good for you LA! May those who need to remember how to ‘date’ their husbands or wives step up….I was always one who liked to ‘date’ my husband and we did a pretty good job of it for years until he stopped wanting to connect.

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    1. That’s what I’ve been thinking…we need to make time for each other even if it’s a card game and conversation for a half hour before bed. If we don’t connect, then what are we doing?

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  4. I always appreciate the straightforwardness of my husband. Some may say he is blunt while I am more indirect and use inferences. The other day a neighbor, a detective, asked me how he is doing after his illness…she notices all the work he does on our house! He is doing well. I married a man who makes a commitment to put a floor in and in the next week, he does it. I needed a man like this! We complement one another.

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  5. He also encouraged me to follow up with my actions when I have a need to do something and for this, I appreciate him. I think he appreciates I notice the little and big things. I am more steadfast from having married a direct person.

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  6. We still go on dates! Although we have only been married a year and a half. I think with us both having divorced first marriages we really have worked hard to know each other and compromise. We enjoy being together but also like our alone time.

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  7. So true! I think it’s also important to answer your “think what that means” with the decision to go on more dates. Many people get past the ole Honeymoon Phase and assume they need to find a different person in order to feel love again.

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  8. My husband and I always sit down at the kitchen table for dinner, we chat about our days and connect. I am not saying that we don’t connect at any other time, but even when we had children at home, the dinner table was always used. Correction: Chinese food and pizza are usually eaten while watching tv, they just lend themselves to that although we connect while figuring out what to order. Seriously, life can get pretty mundane and we use whatever we have at our disposal to connect. We go out together frequently and go on day trips, but we are comfortable just being with each other.

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  9. A close friend advised me decades ago to keep dating my wife after marriage. Our first date was water skiing on the river in Kamloops, and I pushed her off the dock. Six months later we married, March 8, 1980. As I write this our feet are touching on the coffee table, sort of connected for the start of the day.

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  11. Thought you might like reading this LA

    https://dfolstad58.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/splash-you-passed-the-test/

    On Tue, Feb 11, 2020 at 6:33 AM Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50 wrote:

    > LA posted: “Remember the day you met your partner? You saw each other > across a room, eyes locked, the crowds parted so the two of you could > meet… They touched your hand, and said “Will you be mine forever?” What? > It didn’t happen like that? No way?! You didn'” >

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  12. LOL, my husband says he did feel an instant reaction when he shook my hand and looked into my eyes. I didn’t feel that because at the time I was dating his brother! He says he knew right then that I was “the one” and he just waited for his brother to screw up the relationship (which he did) and then he could make his move (which he did). It will be 36 years this year. However, recently I have come to feel that disconnect you talk about. He is retired and I am still working. I would be in my studio crafting and he would be watching TV in the living room. It got to the point where I felt we were growing distant. We went for some counseling and interestingly he had not been feeling that disconnection. He thought everything was fine. The counseling helped, although I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to that pre-wedding/honeymoon dating type thing again. Great post, LA.

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  14. John and I talk while on our morning walk, and we always chat during and after a meal. It amazes me that we never run out of things to say after being married 55 years. Going out and doing things are not the times we really communicate. We have good times wherever we are.

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  16. This was a hard one to read today LA. I liked it earlier to acknowledge that I did read it, then off to work. Now that I’m home, it still brings a lump to my throat because everything you discuss is what I assumed I had… until it wasn’t anymore.

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      1. I find it harder when they’re older, particuarly with only one home. Maybe it’s because I had my husband to myself for 14 years before kids, and the second one is going to college in the fall.

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  20. I met my future wife while working as an undercover security person at a department store while in college. She had a crush on the guy I worked with. We had a company party at a bar. He didn’t show up. I did. She was drunk and some idiot was hitting on her and trying to get her to leave with him. I said no way and drove her to a diner to sober her up. We became fast friends and it went from there. Even though we’re divorced, we still laugh about that one.

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  21. Doing date nights has always been important to Hubby and I. The last few years, our schedules just haven’t been overly conducive to doing this as much as I would have liked, but being able to do it, even if it is only once every couple of months is still important. We are a couple just as much as we are parents or individuals and that takes time and effort to keep it solid and healthy.

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      1. We hit a couple of road blocks over the years that made dates difficult at times. One was when my kids were younger and couldn’t stay at home alone (or I wasn’t willing to let them when it came to OC because of trust issues). I could get my parents to watch, but my mother is one of those that felt like you either did everything with your kids or you didn’t do it at all. When we wanted to go out on a date, she agree, usually reluctantly, to watch the kids and then proceed to attempt to lay a massive guilt trip on me. Then it came down to “what is taking so long” and dinner and a movie became one or the other and finally dinner at a place that was quick so we could get done and go pick up the kids so I didn’t have to listen to it anymore.

        This year there are literally 3 days where we don’t have obligations and those are often the times we have to get stuff like groceries done. Yes, many of those are excuses, but it has played a part. We are a very few short months away from BG being able to drive and my schedule is going to free up almost completely.

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