It’s Love Week at waking….Well…my kind of love talk anyway…
I had lunch with a friend last week (the NYC women shoppers special- a side salad and a frozen yogurt at Bloomingdales) Not surprisingly, our conversation centered around our college age children and our husbands.
I began talking about my prior evening. My husband and I grabbed a quick dinner and went to see “A Soldier’s Play” on Broadway (worth it if you are in NYC during its run)
My friend bemoaned that her and her hubby never seem to go on dates.
I told her that I just plan them and tell my Husband that we’re having date nights. (when my daughter was younger we did a lot of ‘in house’ dates, but as she got older, our date times increased exponentially)
“Why should I need to plan him and tell him? Shouldn’t he just WANT to take me out?”
So- here is today’s conundrum: What are the rules of engagement for long married couples?
If both halves of the whole are in unison, it’s great. You either stay in a lot, or go out a lot. That’s easy.
But what about couples where the two sides have slightly different opinions?
My friend M wants it to revert back to before they had kids (their kids are currently both at college). She wants the flowers and the dinners and the plans. She wants jewelry as gift, not a laptop case. She wants him to make plans and take her out. She doesn’t want to hear that he doesn’t want to start watching a movie at home after 7pm because it ruins his sleep schedule.
Is that fair of her to want this?
Is it reasonable of him to not want it?
What’s the compromise?
Now let’s switch to me. I plan the vast majority of our dates. (of course, my husband has planned our date this coming Wednesday night date, so there’s some give…) Should I expect him to plan more than one date a month when I probably plan eighteen? My planning the dates appears to be working for us, but does his not planning things signify more than just me being a control freak planner?
Then there’s the couple thing: I am fine with doing a couples or group outing once a week- but I don’t want everyone of our outings to involve others. That’s just me- my husband is life of the party, I’m the person looking at her fitbit watching the minutes tick by and occasionally running in place to bring up my step count… Is there something more to my husband always wanting others around? Yesterday he asked if I wanted to do a mini break in March or April. I said sure. He said “Should we invite anyone else?” My cross eyed look was enough to signal that he better not invite anyone else…
So here are our points to consider:
- should one partner plan the majority of dates
- What do you do if one partner wants to go out more than another
- do women want their partner to do the planning
- do long term couples need to ‘date’ one another
- how important is it for couples to spend fun time together