When I was younger, my Mother bought me etiquette books (if you knew my family you’d understand how this was sort of ironic, but sort of necessary) I don’t remember what mine was called, but I clearly remember my sister being gifted “Tiffany’s Table Manner for Teens” (again- if you knew my sister you would find this laughable…)

There used to be a certain code- a certain way of doing things. Recently one of my blog friends (sorry- can’t remember who I should be crediting) wrote about how hand written  thank you notes were a thing that you were just supposed to do… Of course there’s the no elbows on the table, a gentleman stands when a lady stands from the table, etc.

No one seems to pay attention to any of these conventions anymore.

Is the world a better or worse place for this? Or does it not matter at all?

But, for arguments sake, let’s say that etiquette rules DO matter. And maybe the place we need them most is on social media.

so…

Let’s brainstorm!!!!!

What should be the social media rules of etiquette?

  1. No cell phones at the table unless you’ve clearly stated a good reason why the call you may receive is vital
  2.  No texting when you are amid conversation with another
  3. No posting photos of anyone without their permission
  4. No derogatory remarks about anyone you know, especially partners
  5. No passive aggressive comments in regards to anything
  6. No opinions unless specifically asked for opinion
  7. Unless you know something is a definite danger, no comments that might take away enjoyment of others
  8. NO SPOILERS UNLESS YOU CLEARLY STATE FIRST THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO GIVE SOMETHING AWAY
  9. Share the moment you are experiencing because you think it’s wonderful, not to incite envy of others (which means- do you really need to post 50 pics of the same spot on the beach, when a few will do)
  10. Be mindful of the posts exclaiming the virtues of your current partner- less is more
  11. The internet lasts FOREVER. Be mindful that one day your grandchildren are going to be able to access those photos of spring break 2020, as are your future in laws, future partner, and future employers
  12. If you have broken off a relationship that has been public online, you need some sort of boiler plate comment that you are no longer with that person- first off, it saves embarrassment if you run into someone you know casually and they innocently bring up your ex. Secondly, if you are looking for a potential new mate, remember, they will see you social media history- let them know that you are as graceful an ex as you were a partner. If you loved someone and the relationship is no longer intact, have the decency to kindly state that the relationship is no more and there are no hard feelings (even if there were- the internet is not the place to air dirty laundry
  13. You don’t need to share everything, but once it’s out there, expect that it will come back to haunt you

So what do we think of these? Any you would omit? Clarify? Add?

What do you think the social media code of conduct should be?

I realize that I have told stories about my family that may or may not show them in a good light. But my blog is not my personal social media page. This blog is an outlet for me to share things that happen to me, the good and the bad, in hopes of furthering communication and showing that we’re all more alike than we realize, yet we are all unique individuals I think there is a big difference in how we diseminate information.

75 thoughts on “LA Post Guide to Social Media Etiquette”

  1. Interesting post. 😊 my favorite is not posting pics without my permission. It happens more than I would like it to and it does piss me off. I dont post my.life on fb and I wish others would respect that..

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    1. I don’t like pics posted on social media either and it drives me crazy when some people do (my daughter and husband and best friends are exceptions because they don’t shoot randomly)

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  2. What bothers me is when someone (usually kids or grandkids) post overly dramatic posts but don’t say exactly why life as they have known it has ended. It is usually over some thing as life crushing as losing their favourite nail polish or dropping their McDonalds fries🙄

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    2. There’s actually a term for this called Vaguebooking – it’s a bit like the boy who cried wolf if you ask me. I have one woman who I haven’t seen in a while who does this pretty often and I looked at our message thread yesterday and it’s full of me asking is she okay, are her pups okay, etc. and her responses vary from a bad day at work, to someone she knows (not specifying who) is sick/dying. It’s exhausting.

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      2. I had a Vaguebooking post in my memories because I was preserving a friend’s anonymity, but it wasn’t a cry for help. It was funny. She asked if there was a genetic predisposition to attracting men who are bad for you (she was going through her second divorce) and the way she said it was funny and she said I could share it without attributing it to her.

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  3. These are excellent rules! I’d echo AnneMarie’s sentiment about not posting vaguely troubled comments with no explanation. In my case, it has not been kids or grandkids who do this, but friends who have a tendency to be, shall we say, a bit dramatic. Their posts will be a status update like “feeling sad” or writing something like “people just let you down.” Then they wait for the chorus of “What’s wrong? or “Hope you’re OK” from friends. I ignore these posts, not wanting to reward the needy behavior. If something is wrong, either be clear about what it is in your post or keep it to yourself.

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    1. Omg….I know! When someone states something cryptic like that! Instead of doing that on social media call your best friend, or someone and just talk it out with someone trusting instead of passive aggressively commenting like that

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  4. I don’t have FB..so it’s always “fun” when one of my kids let’s me know that my sister has posted an unflattering picture of me.. Reminds me of that saying… If a tree falls in the woods but (I’m) not there to hear it…does it make a sound?

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  7. I absolutely second the photo one and double and triple that for minors. I nearly went into murder mode when I discovered my SIL posted a picture of one of my kids on her very public blog ages ago. Ticked me off to no end. I have a major rule of keeping photos of my kids off of social media of any kind except FB, where I am ONLY connected to very close friends or family and mostly for the purpose of sharing photos of the kids.

    I will also add to that, do not ever post/share a photo that is not your own without permission of the owner of the photo. If you have permission, be sure to cite the photographer. That includes everything from professional to random snap shots. This really applies to so much more than photos, but I’ll stick with that for now. It is another massive peeve of mine.

    As a side note to etiquette in general, it is something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about and why it was even a thing. I’ve decided that it was just another way to separate those of “good breeding” or social status from those they deemed lesser. Most of those rules of etiquette don’t serve a lot of real purpose outside of that.

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      1. I think that manners and etiquette are two very similar, but different things. Manners are saying thank you when someone does something nice for you. Etiquette dictates you send that hand written note.

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  9. I agree with all of them except having to state the status of your relationship. It’s no one’s business. People can usually deduce when people break up when they stop seeing photos of the spouse, boyfriend, etc. No one has a “right” to that information, though if someone choses to post it that’s her choice. An old friend of mine got divorced and I asked my mother the old-fashioned way: “Hey, what’s up with her marriage?” “Oh, she got a divorce.”

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    1. I don’t like to assume anything. (I once told someone congrats cause I thought she was pregnant and it turns out she just gained weight) while it is personal, we announce marriages, and engagements and deaths…why not divorce?

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      1. I’ve never been divorced, so I can’t really comment on that. Social media is so strange. It’s incredible what some people share. To tell you the truth, I usually only share my blog on Facebook because I’ve got a lot of followers on it.

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      3. I actually have as many followers on Facebook as I do on Wordpess. Some people don’t know about WordPress. When I first started, you could just push a button to share on FB, which is why I did. Now, I’ve got to copy and paste the link.

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  11. Good ideas! One more thing is to be wary of is all the misinformation & disinformation that is being permitted on social media platforms today. We should check all unknown sources before deciding if the story or news is true & accurate. So many people fall for clickbait headlines and then share information that doesn’t resemble the truth at all. Best not to share if it can’t be verified or understand that facts & opinions aren’t the same.

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  14. My mother despairs at my two nieces table manners and yes they are awful, you know stretching across to reach something, eating with fingers, elbows on table lol…… they’re lovely lovely girls but I don’t think it hurts to be well mannered if only for the other guests enjoyment. (Rant over 😀 )

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  17. I would agree with some that etiquette is really manners on steroids. Manners we need, etiquette, not so much. Mostly, I hate to see cell phones anywhere in a social situation, with the possible exception of showing photos to everyone present. But any sort of non-emergency communication that isn’t with your FTF companion is just plain rude!

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  18. Good list. I think the one about opinions could be a bit differently worded. Sometimes you must share an opinion when not asked because the person is doing something they might not want to be doing. But I guess that bleeds into the next one about warning of dangers. I suppose when it comes right down to it, its all opinions.

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  19. Top notch list so far as the bevy of comments shows. I would add that people stop expecting nearly instant response to texts, if it is urgent then phone. Not all of us jump at a notification of a text, and those feckless persons then get all out of shape and usually it’s over a non urgent comment.

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  20. 1, 2, and 3 I agree with. The rest? I don’t know. I’m of the mind that we should all do what we want to do, as long as we can face the consequences of our actions, including social media. For example, if Mary didn’t tell me she was divorced, then she’s the one who has to deal with me and others asking, “Where’s John?”

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    1. I hate those awkward situations. My friend once saw someone’s husband in a liquor store canoodling with another woman only to find out that the couple divorced, and she’s seen the woman at social events. My thing is, if you make an announcement that’s something began, (engagement etc) then you close it out….like death. To me, omission means you haven’t faced up to reality, and we should all be in reality. Admit it…move on….

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      1. Yeah. I guess what I’m thinking is just because they don’t tell the public, doesn’t mean they haven’t faced reality. There are literally hundreds of reasons divorcees don’t announce the divorce.

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      2. My thought is, if you enter a room, you exit it. To me it’s just a way to show that you’ve moved on. If I were ever to date someone who had a ton of pics with his ex on his social media, and they were all loving and happy, I’d like to see that they were as cordial about the separation as the rest. I want to see how maturely someone handles something. Now, if there was very little public stuff about the relationship, I wouldn’t care as much. I know that sounds odd, but I’d want to know if the other person was the love of their life and they’re never getting over the separation. I think how people act is a reflection of who they are…it’s all behavior clues

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      4. Which is why I love talking to you because even if I don’t agree, I appreciate your tale on something. It makes my mind grow and gives me food for thought, and the next time I look at a post, i will remember your words and look at it through a different lens.

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      7. Ok…I was just doing house stuff, and I realized why I want to see the break up thing. I think there is still stigma about divorce, and there shouldn’t be. People are still embarrassed that their relationship didn’t work. But you shouldn’t hide that you’ve taken a big step to make your life better

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      8. I agree, but I think we’re making an assumption about the reason why they don’t want to announce it. Also, I’m glad you brought this back up lol I was thinking there are many ways to “enter/exit a room,” and I think with the etiquette post, we’re talking about how someone enters/exits. I could enter and say, “Hi everyone!” and I could exit by saying nothing. Neither is wrong, but one is considered “rude,” I suppose.

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  22. I agree with the list with one suggestion: You don’t need to rise to the bait if someone posts something inflammatory on their page (FB, twitter, Instagram etc.)Silence can be golden. P.S. I was the one who wrote about thank you notes and yes I still write them.

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  23. Regarding pictures, I always ask if it’s children and I try to make sure their faces aren’t shown whenever possible but I do a lot of events for children and it’s good publicity. Any faces that are clearly in view are only with permission.

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