I got yelled at yesterday. In my yoga class. So it wasn’t really yelling, but a whispered reprimand.

This is what happens when type A tries to slow down…

Here’s the story:

I have a 50 minute yoga class that begins at 10:30- which math wise means in ends at 11:20. I told my husband to meet me outside of class at 11:30 because we were going to grab lunch and go to a movie.

We all know that I don’t like to be late, and if I am going to be late, I tell the person. Seriously- if I am five minutes late I will text the person that I’m meeting.

As you know, movie times at theaters are fixed: they don’t just start showing them when we enter the theater. The viewer has to tow the line and get to the theater at the appointed time.

So here’s the situation: class ends at 11:20, I grab my things, meet husband at 11:30. walk twenty minutes to restaurant, eat leisurely lunch, walk to theater, get seats, enjoy movie (well- in this particular case, it was more wonder how this movie was nominated for not one but two Oscar’s)

Fine. Leisurely. Relaxing (for me)

But what if class runs a little bit long?

I don’t check the time during my classes: I operate on the principal that the teacher will run the class for the appointed time. But what happens if I do something which causes my fitbit to light up and display the time, and I realize that it is 11:36?

I freak out. I jump up and scramble to the back of the room to grab my bag so I can grab my phone before it…

rings…

cause my husband knows I’m never late without calling or texting…

but I just miss shutting off phone.

Ring.

And you know when you are trying to shut down ringing you simply can’t get it done quickly…

but I don’t get yelled at for ringing phone…

I get yelled at for putting my mat away…because the class was still in Savasana…

First off: I do not like getting yelled at…ever.

Secondly: if the teacher is running the class long, should she tell the class that it is past the appointed hour?

I know that part of yoga, a big part, is relaxing the body and the mind, going with the natural flow. But sometimes life interferes. Sometimes we are supposed to be at a certain place at a certain time. And by the class running long, I was not at peace with myself. I left the class agitated, which is the exact opposite of how you are supposed to feel.

I felt bad that I was leaving class “early”. I felt bad that I disturbed people. I felt bad that I was late to meet my husband. I felt bad that we might need to rush through lunch.

Bad, bad, bad, when I was supposed to feel good, good, good.

Tense and stressed when I was supposed to feel relaxed.

So how does someone with my personality learn to let go? How do I make the two worlds meet?

Maybe I shouldn’t schedule things after class. But that’s not realistic. There are always things to do, and only so many hours in a day. Being mindful shouldn’t collide with being late, or not getting things done. I get the “does it really matter” kind of mantra, but in the reality that is me, I like to be on time. To me, part of karma is respecting others, which means being on time…I don’t want to waste anyone else’s time…

The greatest challenge in my journey to mindfulness is that it often collides with how I operate. We’ve learned that the road to happiness starts with owning who you are and respecting your own internal boundaries. I need to live my life on my terms- which is high energy pragmatism, orderly and planned. But isn’t there a way I can be mindful too? Operating on a loosey goosey schedule stresses me out. I need to have a semblance of a plan in order for my mind to be at peace….all the meditation and yoga and journals in the world aren’t going to help if I don’t have a schedule: it’s just who I am.

Is it possible to have planned mindfulness?

So here is my struggle: attempting to live in the moment, but having those moments sort of exist in my planner.

Is it possible for these two things to coexist? Or are they just going to keep colliding?

 

63 thoughts on “World’s Collide

  1. I think mindfulness is colliding with who you are because (and I say this because I recognize this in myself, too) you may be a bit controlling. Part of being mindful is releasing the idea of control. For example, yoga class ran late. Typically, in the classes I attend, they don’t say, “Hey we’re running late.” The idea is we’re supposed to be focused on the present, where it doesn’t matter what the time is necessarily. So, even though you’re late for the movie, part of that is releasing control of being late or thinking there’s something “wrong” with being late to a movie. It’s okay. Everything’s okay.

    I hope this is making sense how I’ve written it.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. It totally makes sense. But that doesn’t mean I like it…😆 I try to incorporate for mess ups…I live in a city where mass transit really doesn’t run on a schedule, but sometimes things do run on schedule, and I resent when scheduled things screw up. I don’t think I’m ever getting over that…to me, that’s anarchy!!😆

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel your pain. The disrespect of running the class late would have stressed me out as well as not being on time for the next scheduled event (lunch, movies w/hubs). I think that I would have reacted in the same manner.
    So to answer your question…planned mindfulness time could be a possibility or at least some ‘unscheduled’ time everyday to see what happens – whether it’s just being in the present moment or being mindful and calm. Or both because they differ but they’re similar.
    I like to take time to just be mindful and present and think/meditate quietly. Maybe in those unscheduled time slots you could give yourself the choice as to whatever feels good at the time to do. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I have a morning ritual that’s strictly to set me up for the day. It grounds me. But yeah….I don’t like when things don’t run on time, and as for commuting I always build in extra time, but I didn’t think I’d need that for a class!

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      1. Honestly, I wouldn’t have thought you’d have needed to build in more time for the class either. I wonder why she ran the class later than normal? Does she do that often or was it an anomaly?

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I had that happen yesterday with a trip to meet a friend for coffee. I was running late because I got off at the wrong exit and it was MLK day which meant crowded roads. I arrived on time but stressed. I feel terrific after yoga; my hip is doing much better. I can understand as sometimes my husband picks me up after work, so I don’t have to deal with the parking as it can be a mess and expensive; one time, I was late and he had to keep circling and both of us were stressed out.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Fundamentally you are who you are and that’s unlikely to change much. You know what your stressors are but choosing to avoid many of them puts a lot of limits on the things you enjoy.
    This situation seems more like a freak incident and unfortunately those sorts of issues really allow for little control, even when we want to be on top of the situation. As much as you want to LA, I think it’s impossible to plan every scenario that may come your way!

    I suppose, if any advice is to be offered I would refer back to the parenting wisdom of “pick your battles” and focus your mindfulness towards the work of letting the uncontrollable just be. What is the claim… 2 weeks to form a habit? What if you try to let one thing go routinely for that time. Then add in another and so on.
    Who knows what may happen!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I get the not being in control…but is it fare to run a class over the scheduled time without telling people? I live in a city where bus and subway schedules are truly a suggestion….but what if it was something like needing to pick up a kid from preschool, or work ? She ran 25 minutes over and started on time

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The thing with the yoga is the relaxation part, not just yours, but the class. So, next time, the only thing you can do differently is a slight change in the meetup after.

    “I’ll meet you at x restaurant after my class, probably around 1130.”

    You leave it open ended. Lunch is not a court date, you don’t have to be there at the exact minute you said. Then turn off the phone and go with the understanding that yes, you may be a bit late but you did say ‘after class’ and leave the stress about time and focus on the relaxation. Your husband or friend or whomever most likely will get it, that there could be a slight delay. And if they call, the phone is off and no one is disturbed. (Usually classes like this are run in places that have other classes after, so chances are slim it’ll be more than just a few minutes behind schedule is my guess.)

    Right?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. If it was five minutes over, I was set up for that…it only takes me five minutes to throw my stuff together. But she ran at least 25 minutes over…I think you need to tell people. But it wasn’t just the lunch part..it’s knowing how long to walk to restaurant. Building time in in case it’s crowded. Building time in in case food takes long to come out. Eating without rushing. Getting to theater early enough to get good seats, because it’s a theater without reserved seats, and not stadium seating so I need to be at a certain place in case so I can see screen even if someone tall sits in front of me…I was relaxed until I realized it was almost twenty minutes past when I should have been done

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      1. That’s what I thought. I get 5, I even get ten, but when I left the room at 140 she was still doing stuff…class is supposed to end ar 1120

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    1. In this instance that would have worked, and normally running over doesn’t effect me on mondays because that my house clean/errand day. But in this case my husband was off, so blah blah bLeah…but the teacher ran 25 minutes over. What if someone needed to get back to work, or childcare?

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I get it, call it controlling or planning, it is irksome plus when the plan is derailed. But that’s what happens, certain people are planners and others much less so. Both types in my family. You only have control over how you respond

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am the same way with timing and I always allow for a “buffer”. It makes me insane when my husband thinks a dinner reservation at 6:30 means we leave the house at 6:28. I’m really driven to the brink when I have to wait 45 minutes past my scheduled appointment time at a Dr. office.
    I don’t do yoga but I do pilates and if I’m planning to meet someone or go to an appointment afterwards, I allow more time in my calendar than it would just take to get there. Sort of a mental buffer time so that I can switch gears and not feel in such a rush.
    That being said, running 25 minutes over is different in my mind than running 5 minutes over. Maybe your phone should have been on vibrate, but other than that I would have done the same thing and feel you are totally justified.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. No one ever calls me, and I set text to vibrate, but when I saw how Late I knew my husband would check on me cause I’m never late without warning. To me five minutes is one thing, twenty is a different story!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. It is a peeve of mine that some people do not respect the fact that other people’s time is just as important as theirs. A few minutes over or under is to be expected, but to go that far over is at the very base rude. When the instructor then called you out, they made the situation that much worse, putting the blame for the issue on you, when it was their fault the class went over. As far as I’m concerned, that is really unprofessional.

    When you have any event that has a set start time and length like this, you should be able to count on that time frame being at least mostly accurate. There will always be things that you aren’t aware of the exact timing, but you almost always know that going in and can plan accordingly, like not scheduling something after. Those are expected. If this had been a situation where something unavoidable happened or some accident occurred, then again, that would be different. None of those thing apply. I think I would have been just as upset.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Ok, so I taught yoga for 5 years and don’t understand going 20 minutes over. But if you have a decent relationship with your teacher, you can mention to her that you have somewhere to be at 11:30 and ask her to give you the high sign so you can do savasana and leave quietly. This would entail having your mat near the door so you can duck out without disturbing the whole class. I have done this in classes, and have students ask me to tell them when they have to leave early. It’s much better to be up front than the leave the class stressed out.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I didn’t realize how over we were till I moved my arm and the time flashed. I don’t look at the time, but I expect the teacher to….I’m relatively new to the class, so who knows!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s surprising because most studios have classes back to back, so most teachers are keenly aware of the time. If you’re pressed for time, don’t be afraid to say something to the teacher. Most are understanding.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Unfortunately my gym offers yoga twice a week…this class works…normally…my understanding is she’s a sub because the actual teacher screwed up is ankle

        Liked by 1 person

  10. One word-Karma! Seriously, my mother used to say the more hurrieder I get the more behinder I am. Yes, I know it was not original to her (was it Pooh Bear) but I think it says something about how we live our lives. Be more like Pooh!
    The teacher ran over and you would have been correct in just quietly leaving, but since that was not the case, you did what you could. I would suggest turning your phone on vibrate as you do when you are in the movie?

    Liked by 2 people

  11. That’s why I don’t do yoga. LOL 😂 I totally agree with you. Maybe you need to schedule spontaneity on your calendar once a month or something. I’m also type A. I feel a great need to relax and unwind but being late would definitely negate all that for me too. Let me know when you figure it out. I struggle with the same thing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. If the yoga teacher ran that much over, she should have said something sooner, and she shouldn’t have been rude because you decided to leave relatively on time. People do have other plans. My first time at yoga I never met so many rude people in my life – that’s my place, you’re invading my space etc – lots of unwelcome downright angry looks from the other class members. Not exactly Zen. My second attempt at a different smaller class was more like therapy, we talked all the time. I gave up after that.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Maybe if you gave yourself an extra ten minutes between things to do…. You have lived by your planner for so long that you dont know any other way. Be patient with yourself and.listen. you will find your way.and it will be ok. You’re learning something new. It takes time. You are headed in the right direction.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, I’d built in ten minutes leeway into all the things I was doing to account for error…but to go over a scheduled class by twenty minutes is just not nice, unless you tell people

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  14. I did a mindfulness and meditation class for a while. The class got over at 11:30. The bus came at 11:40. The one after that came at 12:10. I regularly ducked out early to make the bus. The teacher was incorrect to admonish you for disturbing the class. You had every right to leave. I agree with you. There is a huge difference between 5 or so minutes late and almost a half hour late. If you hadn’t noticed the time on your watch, the phone STILL would have rang because you are so usually on time.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Oh boy. This is so me. I hate being late for anything. I always run errands after scheduled appointments instead of before to avoid being late. Some people can be so oblivious to time and I kind of envy them. Except when their lateness affects me being on time!! Guess I like control too. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

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