I got yelled at yesterday. In my yoga class. So it wasn’t really yelling, but a whispered reprimand.
This is what happens when type A tries to slow down…
Here’s the story:
I have a 50 minute yoga class that begins at 10:30- which math wise means in ends at 11:20. I told my husband to meet me outside of class at 11:30 because we were going to grab lunch and go to a movie.
We all know that I don’t like to be late, and if I am going to be late, I tell the person. Seriously- if I am five minutes late I will text the person that I’m meeting.
As you know, movie times at theaters are fixed: they don’t just start showing them when we enter the theater. The viewer has to tow the line and get to the theater at the appointed time.
So here’s the situation: class ends at 11:20, I grab my things, meet husband at 11:30. walk twenty minutes to restaurant, eat leisurely lunch, walk to theater, get seats, enjoy movie (well- in this particular case, it was more wonder how this movie was nominated for not one but two Oscar’s)
Fine. Leisurely. Relaxing (for me)
But what if class runs a little bit long?
I don’t check the time during my classes: I operate on the principal that the teacher will run the class for the appointed time. But what happens if I do something which causes my fitbit to light up and display the time, and I realize that it is 11:36?
I freak out. I jump up and scramble to the back of the room to grab my bag so I can grab my phone before it…
cause my husband knows I’m never late without calling or texting…
but I just miss shutting off phone.
And you know when you are trying to shut down ringing you simply can’t get it done quickly…
but I don’t get yelled at for ringing phone…
I get yelled at for putting my mat away…because the class was still in Savasana…
First off: I do not like getting yelled at…ever.
Secondly: if the teacher is running the class long, should she tell the class that it is past the appointed hour?
I know that part of yoga, a big part, is relaxing the body and the mind, going with the natural flow. But sometimes life interferes. Sometimes we are supposed to be at a certain place at a certain time. And by the class running long, I was not at peace with myself. I left the class agitated, which is the exact opposite of how you are supposed to feel.
I felt bad that I was leaving class “early”. I felt bad that I disturbed people. I felt bad that I was late to meet my husband. I felt bad that we might need to rush through lunch.
Bad, bad, bad, when I was supposed to feel good, good, good.
Tense and stressed when I was supposed to feel relaxed.
So how does someone with my personality learn to let go? How do I make the two worlds meet?
Maybe I shouldn’t schedule things after class. But that’s not realistic. There are always things to do, and only so many hours in a day. Being mindful shouldn’t collide with being late, or not getting things done. I get the “does it really matter” kind of mantra, but in the reality that is me, I like to be on time. To me, part of karma is respecting others, which means being on time…I don’t want to waste anyone else’s time…
The greatest challenge in my journey to mindfulness is that it often collides with how I operate. We’ve learned that the road to happiness starts with owning who you are and respecting your own internal boundaries. I need to live my life on my terms- which is high energy pragmatism, orderly and planned. But isn’t there a way I can be mindful too? Operating on a loosey goosey schedule stresses me out. I need to have a semblance of a plan in order for my mind to be at peace….all the meditation and yoga and journals in the world aren’t going to help if I don’t have a schedule: it’s just who I am.
Is it possible to have planned mindfulness?
So here is my struggle: attempting to live in the moment, but having those moments sort of exist in my planner.
Is it possible for these two things to coexist? Or are they just going to keep colliding?