There are two things you either know about me, or should know:

  1. I have a tenuous relationship with social media
  2. I have a lot of pet peeves

So, when the two things align with one another, I get a shiver of excitement. Hence, we have todays blog….

Get Ready…

In the limited social media that I use, I see many posts that tell the stories of perfect relationships. I see romantic dinners with arms crossed as you sip cocktails, pictures of enormous bouquets sent for ‘no reason but I was thinking of you’, loving notes of how much you mean to one another. You lay out a pictorial map of the perfect relationship. You love one another. Just look at the evidence. It’s right there in front of your nose…Every week, romantic pics. sexy pics, loving pics…

And then NOTHING

One day these photos just stop.

No more linked arm cocktails.

No more flowers.

No more I love you’s.

There’s pics of you and your dog. Pics of you at a pottery class. Pics at a sporting event.

But the partner is oddly missing…

SO what happened?

What happened to the pictures?

More importantly, what happened to the love?

So here’s my proclamation: If I must endure photos of your wonderful life, I want to see the photos of the epic fall of your relationship. 

I have about five friends on Facebook who continually displayed the highs of their relationships. It was life a Hallmark movie of sappy love posts. Then one day I realized that X hadn’t posted a love pic in awhile. Then that happened with Y, then Z….

hmmmm

I looked at profiles….relationship status is oddly blank….and all the pics of the partner are now gone. The loves of their lives have been eliminated from the feed…

Inquiring minds want to know: what happened to your picture perfect life?

Now, I know you can say that it’s no one’s business if someone else gets divorced or ends a relationship. I get that. But once you start posting multiple pics of how amazing your partner is, your life is on the table and open to dissection.

I love seeing pictures of my friends on Facebook. I love hearing how well they’re doing at their job, or how their partners completed a triathlon, or what college their kids got into. I want to share their lives with them, cheer at the ups and console at the downs. This is good. But when does it stop being innocent sharing, and become a symbol of something else?

When someone is constantly posting how much they are in love, is it really just them trying to prove that there is love in their relationship?

Do they need to post the pictures because deep inside, they’re not sure that love is there?

Do they need others to think that they have the perfect relationship, because deep down they know they don’t?

Social media posting has become just a part of life: most people post by rote- they are not even conscious that they are doing it. But maybe take a step back and think about what you’re posting. Is it just sharing a tidbit of your life, or is there a deeper reason why you need the world to know that particular thing about you? Are you trying to prove to others how happy you are and how great your life is? Or are you trying to prove it to yourself?

 

 

79 thoughts on “Now You See Them, Now You Don’t”

    1. But that’s what I love about you…you’re real. I root for you when things are good, and empathize when they’re not so great. Like Sam said…you’re authentic

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  2. Probably posting about winter depression today so that may give a clue where I stand on this subject, and inauthenticity in general. I think it all depends on whether someone is trying to build a false tribe for status, or find genuine support with real people. It’s like he says in Reservoir Dogs…”if I wanted smoke blown up my ass I’d be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.”

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    2. I’ve never seen Reservoir Dogs but now I won’t need to because I’m sure this is the best line in it.
      Authenticity is important but I also feel like your Facebook or whatever other social media you choose is yours to curate as you see fit. In the past year my “friends” on Facebook number has exploded because other authors want to connect. What I share is much different and acceptable for “public” consumption than it was 5 years ago.

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      1. Same. I retract in horror to think about what I used to post years ago as I was doing my adult “growing up”. But it also helped me realize how directly related the quality of your “people” is to how you present and respect yourself. So…that’s a biggie for me that I only share out what I’d like back! I suppose it depends on what people want to attract, as long as they are fully aware, I guess!

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      2. I also failed to acknowledge that your comment also included mention of winter depression which is a real thing and I seriously hope you are okay. If you look at my post from today, you’ll see my way to combat that.
        There was no social media when I was young and stupid so I guess I have a lot to be grateful for. 😂

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  3. I wonder also about people you never see but I figured I was being nosy. On to the day of training and flying under the radar while learning. I am curious when someone mentions a partner…maybe I am too nosy.

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      1. That is nice of you to say. On the other hand, my husband posts a blog and has incurred some strange followers while I have not meaning they seem hungry for a man and sharing personal details. I find this strange but glad husband shared with me. He wanted to know if they followed me.

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  5. I’ve definitely noticed this. Maybe it’s too tough to share the not so great parts of our lives. Some things just seem more acceptable for sharing. For instance, I could post that my husband died but could I post that he had an affair? Maybe some could. I personally try to stay middle of the road, posting events with family and friends. I’m also a little suspicious of those who gush over their partner. Seems a little too personal for sharing. Oh well. We’re all different in how we express ourselves.

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    1. I think you can post about anything, as long as you’re being as fair as possible, and not doing it to hurt others but heal yourself. But you’ve given me something to think about….

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  6. This one made me laugh. I have 2 friends from different eras of my life who got divorced. One posted lots of passive aggressive things about her husband before the divorce and sad details after. The other announced her divorce (which she was blindsided by) and subsequently shared some pretty angry posts. For me, those were as uncomfortable as the perfect love posts. Especially knowing their children could see them.

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    1. People seem to forget the internet is forever for the most part and they never but never think of how they’re reflecting on to their kids! Kids of this, that or the other relationship involved! If they are old enough to read a screen (and they will be one day), put your “pride” away and take a higher road. Loss isn’t healed through vengeance. It just makes everybody look bad!

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      1. Exactly. In the case of both of these friends, their children are teens and older! I actually called one after a particularly negative post reminding her that her daughter was her Facebook friend and could read what she wrote.

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      2. Good looking out for her! I think sometimes people get momentarily blinded and don’t think of the repercussions or fanning out of words. It’s one thing if it’s only adults involved, fine. But…we all have kids for the most part and they need to be respected too!

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  7. hey, hey, hey! I post pics every now and then about how wonderful my cats are. Why just this more Big Boy was fed and he showed his appreciation by throwing up right before I left for work. Miss Lily won’t let me end my relationship with him but I could post the pics of his appreciations if you would like. you could consider than the part of the epic failure.

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  9. I have always been dubious when it comes to public displays on social media for that very reason. Every relationship has ebbs and flows, so I’d rather tend to them in the privacy of me and her than broadcast them to everywhere.

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      1. I can understand how someone would want to shout from the virtual rooftops about their love. But they should be mindful that not everyday is Valentines Day, and that’s okay too.

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  10. OMG I laughed so hard when you said you wanted to see the epic fail!! I soooo get it!! I also want to know what’s behind cryptic memes, are they just a meme? Or is someone trying to tell the world something? Do they need an intervention or are they just posting???

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  11. As usual, lots of comments 🙂 Being authentic is the core idea and I share mainly my blog posts and also information relating to being an organ donor on Facebook. Temps dropped to minus 5 today, and moving downward to minus 14 in a few days, so I won’t be posting bike riding posts until it returns to at least plus 4 and no wind chill. What type of posts were your last three on Facebook?

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    1. I rarely post on Facebook, but the last three were…(I had to look this up btw) Merry Christmas on dec 25, nov 13 for my daughters bd, and 11/4 to share a review my daughter had written for her school paper

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  12. We have a young electrician at work who ‘shares’ photos of herself on her Instagram. We’re still unsure if she’s suspects we men know the account? Because she posts photos of herself wearing bikinis and underwear! Should we tell her😂or is this the norm with kids of today?

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  15. This is why I have almost zero connections on FB. So much of what I saw when I first got on there was superficial and so fake. I culled down my connections to those I am genuinely interested in sharing what is going on in my life and their life.

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      1. That’s where I get to post the pics of the kids. I interact with the couple of friends I have on there, but it really is more about the kids than anything.

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      2. Me as well. Someone asked what the last three things I posted were, and it was merry Christmas, birthday to my daughter, and sharing an article she wrote for her school paper

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  17. Oh, you are good at this, LA! I’ve wondered about those missing spouses/significant others as well. I do post pictures of my hubby and I when we go to concerts because that’s part of the concert experience for us. I also post if he does something special like flowers or whatever. I do it because I am happy and want to share. I do not post about the fights we had about how much he was drinking or that we are now in counseling or that we are struggling financially. Those are not things to smile about. True life? Yes of course and maybe when we are on the other side of it all I would post about it. I do mention it to close friends in personal discussions but I don’t think the world needs to know about it all. (Hoping the world is not reading your blog right now). That said, I’m pretty sure I WOULD post if something actually happened to us as a couple. People need to know THAT we are not together, not necessarily WHY we are not together.

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    1. First off…nothing wrong with posting…it’s just the over the top ones I don’t like. And yes….I think if you split up, especially a long term relationship, you should mention something…just to stave off embarrassment

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  18. It is like when you are stuck in god awful traffic so that when you come out of it you want to see what caused it. If you have to suffer through it, you want to know why. Social media can be wonderful, but it can also be that person that you didn’t like at the office, party or school who always needed to talk about themselves until we all ran screaming from the room. After awhile I would avoid those people and now while they may be my FB “friends” I don’t follow them, just check in every once in a blue moon.

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  19. Hmmm, I hear you, one of the reasons about 3 yrs ago I decided to stay off FB but retain as I have relatives and friends around the globe. If I don’T live with you why oh why do I need to see you everyday? This coupled with “boasting” at every turn was too much…. nothing educational just too superficial for my aging tastes.

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  20. Oh, so on point. I personally never understand the ‘love letter’ posts some ppl put up on their other half’s birthday or on anniversaries. I personally think, if the love is so strong, couldn’t you have just turned around and said all that stuff to the person’s face?

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  21. Haha I agree that we need to see the downfall, too.

    As far as people sharing on social media, I am people lol but you get the good, bad, sad, angry, and whatever else, mostly with me. I refuse to show a picture perfect life. One time I even posted all the outtakes of us a book reading trying to take a perfect picture, instead of the perfect picture lol But that’s me. I think some folks take themselves way too seriously.

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  22. I really like this post. I’ve also noticed that a number of married people or people in other relationships, never have, from the very beginning of their posts, even mentioned their significant other. I wonder if there is a problem there, or if they wish to present themselves as being single, or if they have a privacy concern or something. Like you say, if they are going to post all that is happening in their lives, then where is that missing piece?

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      1. I think some people just post without thinking. I don’t feel the need to proclaim my love for my husband or kids via Facebook, but everyone’s different. I take it with a grain of salt.

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      2. I don’t think we should ever do, much less post, without thinking. But…that being said, if you post a pic of you and your partner in a hot tub, laughing it up and all over one another, and it turns out a month later you moved out, I want to know that you’re not together anymore, especially after a 30+ year marriage. I want the missing person alert

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  25. I believe a lot of people who are posting their “wonderful life” may be overcompensating for what’s going on in their real life. No one’s life is wonderful all the time. Relationships are not wonderful all the time. I don’t think people should air all their dirty laundry in social media, but you are correct in that, if you take that step into social media, you are opening yourself up to have your life dissected. Post carefully. FB and Instagram are great ways to keep in touch with people. We need to use it to promote friendship, unity and positive attitudes. And, by sharing our fails and losses, we help others going through the same experiences and they won’t feel so alone. xoxoxo

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    1. That’s exactly how I feel. If you open up your life, someone will dissect it…it comes with the territory. I don’t think we should ever be nasty, but yes, show the good and the bad. We all need to see the “real” person out there…authenticity leads to the best life we can have

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  26. I honestly believe that people who constantly post about their lives on social media are basically insecure, because they need constant reassurance from others. Those who post now and then are fine, it’s a great way to keep up with faraway friends and family. But the constant posters must have an issue!

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    2. On vacation once, my husband and I dressed for dinner (as requested by the resort) but were surprised when a younger couple of dubious manners and intelligence came in. They hadn’t bothered to dress up (shorts, swimsuit with cover up), spoke in slang, and spent the whole time in cliché poses with their phones -though not necessarily with each other. So weird.

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