“You make me so happy”

I told my daughter that if anyone ever says those words to her she is to run. Just run. Run far and run fast.

You can not make someone happy. You can make them miserable, but you can not make anyone happy.

As Janie commented earlier in the week, happiness comes from inside- no one, and I mean no one can make you happy. They may do things that bring you joy, or make you momentarily happy, but they can’t make you essentially happy…

But what is happiness?

I’ve thrown this word around a lot this week, but we haven’t really defined it. The problem is, it’s one of those indefinable words that means different things to different people. In order to be happy, you have to think about what it is that you want in life.

You.

Personally.

What do you want in life that will make you happy?

For me, happiness is a book (preferably good). Hot, sweet tea. Comfy clothes. Health. A hand to hold (I know this one seems contradictory, but it can be literally any hand- even a mannequin hand). A roof over my head and floors beneath my feet. Fresh delicious food. Music.

I do not look to others for my happiness.

And neither should you.

If you are not happy with yourself, with who you are, it is impossible to be happy with someone else. No one has the key that turns on your inner light- only you do. And remember- telling someone else that they are the reason for your happiness is a lot of pressure. Do you want to be responsible for someone else’s happiness? What does making someone happy even entail? Does it mean you can’t make a mistake? That you need to be perfect? Can anyone ever live up to being an ideal?

If your goal is to be happy, you first need to define what it means to you. Then you just have to do it. But don’t expect someone else to provide you happiness….it’s just not how it works.

Do your own brand of happy….

 

63 thoughts on “You Make me SOOOO Happy”

  2. So true.

    I always kind of looked at it like, subconsciously that person was going to use their happiness OR unhappiness as the result of me. So it was fireworks on the former, but not so much fun on the latter.

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  3. This has given me lots to think about. I know there have been times in life when I have been happy even when the circumstances weren’t the best. I also know that even though maybe others can’t make you happy the loss of someone special can make it difficult to find your joy. I will have to ponder this one for a while.

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    1. Losing someone makes you sad, but at some point you have to get past it. You will always miss them. Always. And it’s ok to miss someone and think about them every day forthe rest of your life, but remember that if they loved you they wouldn’t want you to mourn and be sad…theyd want you to find joy again

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  4. This is a topic that I have spent a ridiculous amount of time working through in my head over the years. I once told Hubby that I can’t be responsible for his happiness. I can be a part of it, but I’m not responsible for it. This is absolutely true for any relationship, but too many people expect other people to be their happy, either in giving them the things they want or doing the things they want them to do, but that isn’t the job of other people. It is up to the individual to do the things for themselves that make them happy. Sure, people can do things and those things bring happiness with them because you, as the individual, enjoyed them. That is the other person being a part of your happiness, not creating it for you.

    It goes the other way as well. Someone does something that dampens your happiness, it isn’t so much about them creating the problems (though there are tons of gray areas here) but more about how you deal with it and choose to move forward from that situation that impacts your happiness or lack thereof.

    I really believe that this is completely tied into the other topics you’ve discussed this week. Happiness comes from a healthy sense of personal responsibility (from both the owning your actions and accepting that some things aren’t yours to carry perspectives). Until you can find that, then you are always going to feel like something is missing or off in your happiness.

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    1. I thought it tied in as well…it’s funny how one topic just leads into the next….it’s amazing how things are all inter related. And yes, happiness is totally part of personal responsibility. You choose to make yourself happy, or you choose to be miserable. Sure life sucks sometimes, even much if the time….but you have to just push through…it means looking at yourself in the mirror, which is harder than it seems

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      1. A lot of this became really clear to me when I realized that my mother could not be happy. Or, as twisted as it is, she was only happy when she was miserable and had something to complain about. As in actively choosing the ugly and the negative to focus on even if there was something glitteringly bright and happy dancing in her face. It was at that point, when I finally figured that out, that I realized nothing I could do would ever be enough that I started to really think about my role in other people’s happiness.

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      2. The epiphany moment when you realize whatever you do is never going to be good enough…I totally get that, and have lived it. Luckily, we both realized it and took positive steps to correct. I still have a ways to go, but it’s clearer in my mind now…

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  5. Well said! I’ve always seen happiness not as a goal in itself, but as a byproduct that comes from doing things that matter to me, often in the company of good people. Happiness isn’t the focus, but it’s often the result.

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    1. Well said! It’s almost unachievable as a goal, because you put too much pressure on things being just right, or perfect. It’s accepting the moment that you’re in

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  7. “Do your own brand of happy.” Love it. Spent many a few years trying to make someone happy all the time. Just now realized a) it wasn’t/isn’t possible and b) can do real damage to myself and others in the process. I’ve moved myself to the top of the list. Good advice.

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    1. Well…if you think about it like this….loving and being loved doesn’t necessarily mean an individual person, nor does it mean a romantic partner. It could be a friend, or relative, or whatever. It is a good quote though. Now you’ve got me thinking….😉

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  9. I remember when my son was playing football, he had a sign that said “Never Satisfied.” I HATED that sign..it sounded like purgatory because to me being satisfied is one of the pillars of happiness.

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    1. It’s hard with a goal oriented type of person. They’re always striving. The balance is accept what you have and know you’ve done well, but keep trying to achieve the next level

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      2. My daughters like this. She’ll get some accolade, and she’s happy for a minute and a half, and then she’s thinking about what’s next….

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  11. My ex-brother-in-law called me on numerous occasions post-divorce saying he just wanted someone to make him happy (Horrors, I think he meant me!) and my repeated response was, “YOU have to make you happy. Until you figure out how, you won’t be able to be a good partner.”

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  12. I’ve always said essentially the same thing: you can’t make an unhappy person happy, but they can sure make you unhappy! Better not get sucked into someone else’s negative vortex. Give them space to find what they need.

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  16. I choose to call myself content as opposed to happy. Are they the same? I don’t know. I do know it doesn’t take much for me to be content and it has nothing to do with someone else.

    I don’t do well around negative people as it seems to make me more negative/unhappy and I’m really not like that. So it’s best if I avoid them.

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  17. So, I’ve been on a mission to tell people that nobody can make you feel anything, happy, sad, miserable, etc. I also (strongly) believe that if someone “makes you feel bad” for example, it’s because you already felt bad before they did or said something.

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    1. I understand your train of thought, but there are situations…if someone breaks up with you and you didn’t see it coming, or someone ghosts you, or someone you trust breaks the trust, you’re going to be miserable. I know there’s the train of thought that signs are there, but sometimes you just don’t see them. It’s an interesting train of thought though

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      2. Well….hmmm…first off, define “make”. And thunk about this…maybe they didn’t, but their actions did. You would not be sad or angry id they hadn’t acted that way. And while we’re supposed to handle our reactions to things when done to us, you have to feel the emotion before you know how to react. Like yesterday I was at a movie (ironically the Mr. Rogers one) a guy in the row in front of me was reading his phone in the movie. I was annoyed but it was slightly out of my field of vision, so I let it go. Then his phone started beeping. Loud. So I got up and told the manager what was happening. His actions annoyed me….did he make me annoyed?

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      3. Yah I hear you. I think it is in the definition. We’re all in control of our emotions. I’m not saying not to have an emotion, but I suppose it’s more about ownership. I am annoyed by X. John didn’t make me annoyed. But this also includes a lot of judgment about: people, movie going, expectations of how to function in a movie, etc. which lead to I am annoyed because this person is doing something I don’t think s/he should be doing. I think we’re somewhat on the same page or in the same book lol I’m just taking ownership for the emotion.

        I love that we can have these conversations by the way.

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