“The other kid was mean to me.”
“I didn’t get the good bat.”
“The teacher didn’t make that clear.”
“She cheated.”
“It’s not my fault.”
Have you noticed that people are out to get you? Every person in the universe has made it their goal to destroy your hopes and dreams?
Every time something goes wrong, it’s the fault of someone else, or something else. It’s never your fault. Nothing is ever your fault. The litigious mindset has entered the everyday…
When did we lose sight of personal responsibility? As TJ remarked yesterday, part of being independent is accepting that sometimes when bad things happen, it is your fault.
Bad grade? Well, did you study enough?
Iffy review at work? Did your performance this past year really exceed expectations?
Not make the team cause you’re too short? Well maybe, but then again, maybe you just weren’t good enough…
Does blaming something/someone else really make the rejection/bad grade/whatever better? Or does it just put a Band-Aid on the situation?
If we’re trying to improve our self confidence by placing the onus of responsibility of someone else- we’re doing it wrong. We MUST accept that there are people that are better than us. We must accept that there is a whole wide world of people who can do things and do things well. While I have no doubt there are times when the “less deserving” has gotten something, you can’t just assume that this is the always the case. Blaming doesn’t make it any better. You can’t live your life blaming outside influences for the state of your life.
It’s that whole resilience thing again…
Next time something doesn’t go your way (or your child’s way) think about why it went wrong. Think about ways in which you could have been better. Unless you’re in a ski race and your boot inexplicably breaks, try not to put the blame on something else. This does not mean “blame” yourself. (Blame should not be a word that anyone uses on an everyday basis) Just try to come up with a different plan of attack for the next time you try something. Figure out what went wrong- learn from the experience.
No one makes every team. (Michael Jordan didn’t have a stellar baseball career) No one wins everything. No one glides through life with no setbacks. Everyone fails sometimes. When these things happen, it’s just life. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Accept that and move on.
Blame only moves you back. Blame never moves you forward.
Accept that…and move on…
Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50 
Sage and salient, again!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😉
LikeLike
This brings to mind the Jordan quote in which he talks about how many times he failed and says that is why he succeeds.
Amen to this post, because accountability is a lost art. If you watch sports, you come to the conclusion that nobody ever loses, nope. They just got cheated by the refs, the crowd, the other team’s mascot . . . Same with politics, where every closely contested race is recounted and rehashed until you want to throw them both out.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I know!! It’s now become that there are no losers ever! People can’t accept that sometimes you just lose….period. And it’s not helping people with their self confidence…it lessens it. And cheapens the victory for the person who did win….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Funny, but I was just watching highlights of a game last night where Houston lost after a bad call was made. They want the game to be replayed from the time the call was made and there were eight minutes left OR they want to be awarded the win outright.
Wait, what? LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
I read this while I was at the gym and almost fell off elliptical….. I mean really wtf?!
LikeLiked by 1 person
When adult men can’t buck up after a bad call and get it done, what kind of example are they setting?
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s just….I don’t have adequate words to describe that…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Neither do I.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This does seem to be an epidemic problem in the US. Taking personal responsibility for less-than-optimal outcomes should be drummed into every child from the get-go.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Of course. We somehow have begun thinking that criticism and failure are bad
LikeLiked by 1 person
The topic of personal responsibility always puts me on edge. I have such a difficult time with people who insist that bad is always done to them, that they are somehow always the victim.
Own up people- hold yourself accountable and most of all, as you said LA- learn and move on!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Omg….the victim syndrome! If the same bad things keep happening….I mean really…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yup. Bad workperson blames his/her tools. Certain celebrity-type people seem to be doing it all the time, these days.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Crazy
LikeLiked by 1 person
Avoiding blame happens naturally. As a child you don’t want to have a time out or be punished, and in school you don’t want a bad grade, in sports you still want to be picked for the team, and at work everyone practices CYA.
It takes feedback skills. Most people don’t know how to give or receive feedback in a effective ways. A mistake is made – ok respond to that with a positive, point for improvement, and then positive again – sandwich.
Unfortunately criticism is negative because it often given in reaction – yelling, all negative – instead of a thoughtful productive response.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a problem though…and not always about being punished. If you lose, how much can you blame external things?
LikeLike
Loved the message in this post. People are too quick to blame something or someone else instead of thinking about what actually went wrong.
LikeLiked by 2 people
There is the flip side to this as well. Accepting responsibility for stuff that really isn’t yours. A big one is toxic and abusive relationships. The target of that abuse is not to blame for the abuser’s actions. The entire concept of personal responsibility is about learning what is your burden to carry and what really isn’t. It isn’t always easy to figure those out, but, as a society, we rarely ever put the responsibility where it actually belongs.
LikeLiked by 2 people
So true. We need to pause and think. We gloss ver too much with quick fixes
LikeLiked by 1 person
You describe my brother-in-law! It was ALWAYS someone else’s fault. There’s a lesson in every failure, you just have to figure out what it is. Great post again, LA.
LikeLiked by 1 person
💗
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wise and healing words LA. For me it is the deep sense of God’s enormous grace that helps me take responsibility for my own failings instead of blaming others …
LikeLiked by 2 people
💗
LikeLike
Great post LA! I think it has to do with the new idea that we don’t lose, but instead we all get a participation trophy so that nobody learns how to not win. Maybe I’m off subject here but that’s all I could think of when I was reading your post.
Personal responsibility is needed. Hard knocks teach us lessons. We need to learn how to be with whatever the situation is and work harder to improve it when we can.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s definitely part of it. Things are just expected to be handed over with no work involved
LikeLiked by 1 person
AMEN!
Are you sending a copy of this to the White House? Oh wait , I don’t talk politics. LOL! I just had to. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😉
LikeLike
Agreed! I tell my kids that when you feel like it’s not you but everybody else… then it is most likely NOT everybody else.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Parental wisdom at its finest!
LikeLike
Ever watch an athlete after they didn’t catch a ball (football or baseball) they always look at their hands or gloves. Equipment failure, but with them their body is equipment. My son, is trying to hold his adolescent clients responsible for their actions as in if you don’t participate in a positive way you don’t get rewarded. Now these are kids with mental health issues and if they get it why can’t others.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a question I wish I had a good answer for
LikeLike
Agreed! A 19 year friendship of mine just ended. Part of it was the victim mentality that I couldn’t stand – it was always someone else causing her issues. Own your stuff people!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know! My husband is going through this with someone in his life too, and it’s draining! It takes more than one person to cause drama!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is so awful. i appreciated the friendship for what it brought to my life, but the time came to fully cut the cord….it dragged on for 3 years more then it should have!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes you need to end relationships when they make you unhappy. I get it.
LikeLiked by 1 person