Yesterday I posed the question “Should a person about to ask someone to marry them ask permission of the parents beforehand.” Needless to say, this is not a yes or no question. The comments provided us with a lively debate on the topic, all sides having interesting and valid points.
Today I am going to start with the supposition that one should ask the parents of the intended for blessing/permission.
So Person A approaches Parents Z and says “I love your daughter, and I would like to ask her to marry me. Do I have your blessing?” Parent Z says “No”.
What happens next?
What if the parent really doesn’t like the guy that there child is dating?
Should the parent deny their blessing/permission?
I understand that there are many valid reasons for not wanting your child to marry someone. If the person doesn’t treat your child well, no marriage certificate is going to change that. Abusive relationships don’t get better.
But what about the areas that fall into the grey area of relationships? The guy has been married before- is that a valid reason to say no? Doesn’t make enough money? Doesn’t practice the same religion? Doesn’t want kids? Works too much? Works too little?
What are reasons that you would not want your child to marry someone that would make you not bless/permit a union?
Then let’s go to the next step:
Does the person holding the ring box still ask the person to marry them?
Does the person receiving the ring say NO to the proposal to make their parents happy?
Does the person receiving the ring say YES, and proceed to get married without their parents being present, or accepting the marriage?
And you all thought this would be an easy post…
It all boils down to one essential question: How much do the parents feeling matter when their children decide to get married?
My friend met the parents of the girl her son is dating this past weekend. She was very “eh” about them, and the girl. As the kids are college seniors and about to go to graduate school, I said “Don’t worry about it. She is respectful of your son. It’s not like they’re getting married.” But after I said that to her, I thought- hmmmm- but what if they do decide to get married? Will my friend spend her life not really liking her kids in laws, as well as his wife?
What do you think?