Ok- this is like a flashback sequence: I gave you a hint in the title as to how this story plays out. Let’s now give you some background…
D: How are Peter Pan busses
Me: I don’t know. Why (translation IDK Y)
D: I might want to come home on the 21st
Me: No. You can’t come home.
D: You’re not letting me come home?
And the discussion went on like this…..
So- My daughter wanted to come home for a weekend and I said no.
This was truly my Cruella DeVille moment. Telling my daughter she could not come home was akin to making a coat out of puppy skins.
What Mother tells their kid not to come home?
My daughter is homesick. According to my research, about 67% of first year college students are homesick during their first semester. She’s in the average. Most kids are homesick….
So what do we as parents do about it?
Well, I don’t know what other parents do. This appears to be a dirty little secret: there are tons are articles about kids being homesick, and how that is almost the norm, yet if you actually ask people….No one has a homesick child. Everyone has a child who is TOTALLY adjusting. So everyone who actually speaks about this topic is in the lucky 37% of kids who experience no homesickness. The parents who have kids in the 67%- well I guess we’re the silent majority…
And just when I thought parent competitiveness was over, I see it’s found its way of rearing its ugly little head even when your kids are no longer actually residing in your house…
So what do you do with a homesick child?
If you’re me, you tell them that they can’t come home till Thanksgiving.
You tell them that you have to confront your fear, confront the demon that scares you.
You tell them that this is always their home, but yeah, you’re not letting them back in for awhile.
Do you know how horrible this made me feel?
Do you know how I wanted to jump on the train and race down to her? Hop a flight out of LaGuardia and I’d practically be there in two hours…..
I wanted to hug her and tell her that it will be all right. Mommy is here.
And really, I am always here for her….
But I just can’t rush in to fix everything.
I guess this is like that baby sleep method where you let them cry it out and you don’t rush into comfort them. I totally failed at that one. She cried. I took care of her.
She cries, but I had to let her.
Am I doing the right thing?
As with all things parent, I am doing what I think is the right course of action. Trying to teach her, and help her grow into adulthood. Letting them go is so hard. My daughter thinks I’m being cruel. And, I guess I am. Sort of. But I hope I’m also teaching her how to be strong, to rely on herself, to be confident.
To be an adult.