So my cat has been sick.

And the vet didn’t know what was wrong.

Being as calm and laid back as I am, I decided to get another opinion. So I walked into the office of a cat specialist. No appointment, just rang the bell and walked upstairs to the office and planted myself in front of the staff, and pleaded my case:

“Please fix my cat.”

A young man and a young woman stood behind the counter, probably late twenties/early thirties, wearing the brightish colored scrubs that are probably supposed to be comforting yet medicinal to those that enter the office. I decided to plead my case to the woman. I figured I’m a woman, she’s a woman. Animal lovers. Woman are more compassionate than men- she’ll help me…

OK- let’s start out with: Why did I think the woman was going to me more helpful?

Am I sexist?

Do I just assume woman are more emotion driven?

Woman are more loving and compassionate?

Woman like cats more?

See- no matter how evolved I think I am, I make pre conceived notions based on sex. Can’t help it: I just do.

And in this case, the woman was kind of a bitch. She had absolutely no compassion for me or my case. None. She told me it was surgery day, they don’t take walk ins, they could do nothing. Nothing. I was literally shit out of luck. She didn’t actually say that, but honestly, her regular non aggressive words were said in a tone that was so aggressive and nasty no vulgarity was needed.

She wasn’t even going to listen to me.

She didn’t look at the sheaf of papers that I waved in front of her face.

No. Get out. I will not help you.

But then the young man looked at my papers. He calmly listened to my tale of woe. He answered my questions without dispensing anything that was legally actionable. He called the Vet and told him the story, took my number and promised that the vet would call me back after surgeries were over for the day.

The young man was kind and compassionate and truly wanted to calm me and help me. And help my cat. He looked at her and told me she wasn’t in distress, that she was a good, sweet kitty.

He wasn’t able to help me, yet he helped me. Kind words, a nod. just doing the most that he could do without dispensing anything that can be constituted as medical advice.

Do why do I cling to sexist memes of what men are supposed to do, to be, and what women are supposed to do and be?

I think I’m enlightened….

Yet…..

PS- my cat appears fine: She’s eating and drinking and pooping, though not as much as normal. But I remain hopeful….

 

 

57 thoughts on “The Trip to the Vet”

  1. I’m fascinated by this!
    My immediate thought was to communicate with the young man, not the young woman. And there you went and proved my hypothesis!
    Isn’t it interesting how differently humans approach and react to other humans?
    I’m glad your kitty-boo is feeling better! ❤

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  2. I hope you get answers soon, it can be frightening not knowing. I will say I probably would have gone to the man as my son has a cat and loves her beyond compare. We al have our preconceived notions, right or wrong just based on our own experiences.

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  5. In the circumstance so describe, who would care about your concerns about your cat was a coin flip. Don’t judge yourself for bias against the bro, he was the pro. He knew his business is not about cats, but about the the cat’s peeps. People have those deep pockets after all. This is what she didn’t know, or take to heart, and why she will soon become an assistant office manager in some concern soon to fail.

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  6. I tend to have a pretty heavy bias in certain areas regarding men vs. women, but that is mostly because my experience has told me that is the way things are and it is incredibly hard to get out of an ingrained mindset based on personal experience. Yes, there are exceptions to the norm and I try really hard to remember that and not make snap judgements.

    Hoping your kitty gets better soon! I know how hard it is to sit and wait for answers, even if the answer turns out to be “everything is okay”.

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  7. Before I even finished reading this I thought ‘ugh, no, I would have spoken to the man first’.

    Look. You and I are a little bit similar. If someone in need approached me while I was deep into something, even if I am generally a compassionate person when it comes to animals or children, or sick/ill, my first reaction might have been a bit off-putting. Without intent. Just a knee-jerk reaction (can’t she see I’m doing something? Why should I interrupt someone else for her who isn’t following the rules of no walk-ins?)

    I am working on this on myself, but I can understand the reaction (not that I approve. It is after all a professional place of business that tends to deal with people who are especially emotional.)

    So I don’t consider myself sexist because of this preconceived notion. I just go with gut feeling on a case by case basis. Except, when you’re emotional, gut feeling isn’t very reliable…

    I don’t know what to say.

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    1. It did amaze me that I clearly thought the woman would sympathize with me on a sisterly basis…..I assumed she would just get my needs at that moment, when a man couldn’t possibly appreciate

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  8. But the difference is, you realize these notions are incorrect.

    Growing up, I was exposed to the traditional “Men fix things, women fix dinner” mentality. And yet, I learned early on that it wasn’t always that way, at all. My grandfather would be the one to cook dinner for us when we got together. My grandmother, an independent minded woman in a time and place (Cuba in the ’50’s) divorced him when she learned he had been carrying on with another woman. They were the polar opposites of how men and women were ‘supposed’ to behave.

    I took so much from them, and while I still have my moments where I hold to preconceived notions, I understand these notions aren’t valid in the real world.

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  9. Maybe the cat just had a cold or allergies and her nose got dried out and that is where the blood came from? it’s happened to me, maybe it could happen to a cat.

    I typically find it easier to deal with men rather than women. I think it is a personality thing. Or maybe all those years in a primarily male military environment.

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    1. I can deal with either (I worked on the trading floor in the 80s/90s so I know all about the make environment) but I’m going to see if I gravitate towards one or another in certain situations

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  10. Interesting. I may have gravitated toward the woman, not so much because she would have been able to do anything about the cat but because she was probably in control of the doctor’s availability. (I was a medical office manager for an 8 doctor internal medicine practice in my former life). Perhaps the doctor had given her strict orders not to disturb him when he was doing surgery or maybe she gets in trouble if she overbooks him. Hopefully you will find out that there is nothing wrong with kitty soon!

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  11. I read this post really early before comments and chose to wait, sneaky me, to see how others responded. You have recognized personal bias. We all have it rather we realize it or not. Many of the comments reflect that knowledge as well, and some don’t. Human nature and learned or reinforced preconceived notions may cause someone reading any of these comments to find a thread of bias in their reason to approach one or the other.
    Ultimately it’s the awareness and what you do, or don’t do, about it.

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  12. We have female vets and always worked with females at the pet hospital. They’ve all been extremely compassionate during difficult times. I always assumed it was because they loved animals and had probably experienced sickness and death with their own pets, not because they’re women. It surprises me that you’d find someone so insensitive working in a vet’s office. I hope you can find out what’s wrong with her. It’s scary when you don’t know. 🐈

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  13. I’ve been fifty years wandering this planet and experience has told me people assume an attractive looking woman will be more empathetic caring pleasant than a woman less facially attractive (yes an awful statement to make but on the whole sadly true).

    The other way round is closer to the truth!!!

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  14. I hope Kitty is still feeling better, I tend to go towards the person who has the warmest face. It doesn’t matter whether they are male/female, age, size. If the face is warm and kind looking that’sthe person I will head for.

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  16. Interesting piece. I don’t assume a lot based on sex, but more how approachable someone looks. When I used to do man on the street questions, I always approached men because they were always willing to listen to me and have their photos taken. Women, not so much.

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  17. This whole issue is intriguing. My first thought was I would approach the man but if they were both standing there not sure what I would do. Did the vet call you after the surgeries were done? Regardless of gender I have found that if someone has a name tag, especially in stores or in every service I am interacting with, I always use their name.
    I think they feel like invisible robots and just a ‘Thank you Susan’ has a wonderful reaction.

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  18. I would have asked the man. If my hubby was bringing the cat in he probably would have asked the woman. I think we find we get better service from the opposite sex. I hope kitty is ok!!

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  20. I’ve never really considered this. I’m more of a [observe who looks compassionate and talk to that one] kind of girl. A hormonal woman can be brutal, so it’s a toss up sometimes. 🤷🏽‍♀️
    Nevertheless, I’m so glad your kitty is improving. My heart went out to you. My cat, soon to be 19, isn’t feeling well this morning so I’m keeping an eye on him. Since he’s so old I worry whenever he’s acting a little off. Hopefully it’s just a bug and he’ll come around. 😊

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