Out of all the expectations in the world, I think the worst are what we expect of ourselves. We expect to be smart and savvy. Do well at school, succeed at work or career. Be beautiful and stylish. Get married and have children. Be the greatest parents in the history of parenting. Just look at social media: pinterest is successful because of our need to have picture perfect lives. Facebook and Instagram allow us to peak at other lives, causing us all to have….expectations of ourselves.

We all do it to a certain degree- we want a nicely appointed room to entertain people in, or serve a gorgeous dinner, throw a themed party. We want things to be just so. No matter unrealistic our expectations get. No matter how secure we are, the Jones family is right over there with there perfect green grass….

I like to think that I am somewhat level headed. I don’t really covet thy neighbors goods (though Diane carved up a chicken on her blog yesterday and I was a little envious of how she took it apart) If I really want to do something, I generally get it done: I have my lists and plans and bucket lists, and I try to keep it real.

Great.

But I’m still having my weight issues.

See, this is where my Facebook envy comes in. I don’t look enviously at the lives of others. Facebook has this annoying habit of showing us “Remember” pictures.

Oh how I hate to see pictures of me from seven years ago.

Up until I was 50 I was a not thin but not heavy person. I was reasonably content with how I looked and how I felt about how I looked.

I don’t look like that anymore.

I am not happy that I don’t look like that anymore.

Menopause didn’t give me hot flashes, or moodiness, or the majority of the symptoms that go along with it. But…it slowed down my reasonably fast metabolism to that of a sloth…

And the weight came on….

I exercise daily. In fact, I am presently in my gym shorts and tank top and will be hitting the gym after I hit publish. (sidenote- I often read blogs on the elliptical, so if a response is ever total gibberish you know it’s because I can’t step and type- Claudette has taken to warning me if any post might make me trip….)

So yes: gym- check.

I walk everywhere and exceed the 10,000 step thing. I take the stairs. Blah blah blah.

I eat just like I did before.

Ha.

That’s the problem: I love food. I love cooking. I love trying new things. I continue to do all these things because I love them. Alas, they don’t love my body. Food mocks me now, like a bad ex boyfriend showing all his pictures on Facebook…

My love of food has collided with my love of weighing less.

I want to lose weight, but I don’t want to break up with food.

I have unreasonable expectations of my post menopause body. I expect it to do all the same things it did before, and because it doesn’t I get mad. I am mad at my metabolism for letting me down. I am mad at food for being so yummy. I am mad at cooking because it’s so much fun.

I need to get my expectations in line with one of these things. I just don’t know which one it will be.

60 thoughts on “I Expect….”

  1. Oh geez, you had to toss menopause into this conversation!!!
    If anything will cause you to stop having expectations of what your body should be like, or could be like ever again it’s menopause. Keep exercising, try to eat healthy 90% of the time and just live life. The reality of this time of life can be harsh so now is a great time to practice letting go… 🙂

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    1. I went out last night and felt so frumpy….when I walked out the door I thought I was all stylish, but bleh…..I know I have to accept it or change, but I. D.o.n.t like those alternatives…😆

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      1. Little steps… any you already have an exercise plan which I respect significantly. That aspect is the toughest for me and it’s only in the last few months that I’ve managed to (fingers crossed) establish the habit in a sustained way. I have a book on the way from Amazon recommended from another blog. Fit At Midlife: A Feminist Fitness Journey. I have no idea if it will be inspiring, however I imagine there to be a lot of self-love-self worth, don’t beat yourself up because you ate a pint of ice cream, aspects to it so I’m hoping positivity will abound the more I commit to this journey!

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  2. Hah. 🙂 There have been some comments that were, um, interesting probably because you were exercising and multi-tasking. LOL 🙂

    Listen, I’m similar. I’m not heavy but went up a size during this endlessness that is perimenopause which may not seem like a lot to some people but it BOTHERS me. I ended up having something happen to me (that I contributed to letting happen) that changed my perspective…I don’t want to get into it over the blog. But I feel better (mostly) until I hit PMS and then all bets are off.

    But then I came across another post that kind of inspired me to look at myself differently. I’ll see if I can find the link…

    Ok here it is. I don’t necessarily agree with all of what she says but keep reading, she makes her point well (I thought)…
    https://onbecomingmaria.blog/2019/05/23/what-kind-of-sexy-am-i/

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  3. I’m right there with you sister! Then on top of the age, menopause, gaining weight etc. i started having difficulty at work. I’m in outside sales and feel like my appearance is directly attributed with how I look. At the beginning of the year I decided this was the year of me. Regardless of how work is going I was going to concentrate on feeling better about myself and then when that happens work will get better. It’s psychological, I guess! And a work in progress, I’ll let you know how it goes. I am feeling better but still have work to do…

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  4. This sounds exactly like me. I’ve been trying to decide which is more important – looking good or eating what I want. You’d think the answer would be easy but it’s not. This week, I am voting for looking good so I am being very careful about what I eat. I’ve done it before, I can do it again. But that was 16 years ago and the menopause factor is real. We’ll see if I can stick to it. I have class reunions this summer and need to look good on Facebook. 😉

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    1. Totally with you! I just love food, and I hate that my body doesn’t bounce back like it once did!! We just do our best. A life of salad all the time is just not fun for me!

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  5. My sister called me in a state of disgust a few months ago. She was complaining in rather colorful language about all the weight she had put on, and about how it had become damn near impossible to take it off. She was walking (She’s not a runner), but it wasn’t doing it. She’s active with her work but still. So she started swimming along with the walking, and she’s feeling like it works for her.
    Sometimes cross training does the trick. I find that running along with the stationary bike and going through my old karate regimen does the trick. And staying away from Mickey D’s but for the occasional trip, as much as I love that place.

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      1. Put health first and go from there. Look at your plan from wanting to feel better and be healthy, because in the end, if ya ain’t got your health, the rest don’t matter.
        And be kind to yourself.

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  6. Becoming a parent killed any and all body expectations from me in pretty much every way possible. I am not a fan of my body and like you I love food. I also grew up in an environment of crazy fad diets and constant self-disgust over appearances because of weight. Little to no pictures were ever allowed because “I look horrible” and clothes shopping was a nightmare. These were things I watched adults around me doing while I was growing up and they’ve left some really ugly marks. I realized a while ago that because I was taking on a lot of that negative self image attitude, my kids are going to grow up either feeling the same or not having some good, fun memories because there won’t be a single picture of me from when they were young.

    I’ve since tried to come to a compromise. As long as I FEEL good, meaning I can do things with the kids and go on hikes and walk several flights of stairs without feeling like I’m dying and I’m otherwise healthy, then the appearance and weight can’t matter as much. Several years ago (8 or 9 I think) I managed to lose close to 60 pounds. I worked on that because I wasn’t feeling good, but to get there, I felt like I was having to deprive myself of every last thing I really enjoyed while working myself into the ground. It has taken a while and I haven’t yet put it all back on, but I’ve gotten closer than I wanted to. And it ticks me off that my body pretty much needs to have near starvation levels of food to just maintain where I was (which still was higher than what was considered a “healthy” weight).

    And… I haven’t quite hit menopause yet so thank you so much for making me look forward to that lovely event (as if I wasn’t already).

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    1. I have so many body issues because of my upbringing and have never had a good sense of self, so yeah, trying not to influence my daughter has been hard. Even now, I struggle with showing her how to be healthy, love yourself, but still enjoy treats and food in balance. There are just some days that are worse than others. I feel good, but I catch a glimpse of myself and it’s argggg…..I. D.o.n.t know

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      1. I totally understand. It isn’t always easy and some times are worse than others. So not looking forward to swimsuit season even though love swimming. What I won’t do is avoid the pool because I’m not thrilled with how I look.

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  7. I am there also. My food intake has not changed and I walk religiously with my dog and then by myself, trying to get back to walking/running and nothing is working. There are times when you just want to give in. I suppose vanity is what is stopping me from throwing in the towel. I am working on cutting back my portions and not bringing in food that I shouldn’t be eating. My husband always wants ice cream so I buy the ones that I do not like. I love to bake, love bread and now we can go out to eat more often all working against me and the dreaded scale. I found if I counted calories, it made me obsessed with food and I got depressed so I am now just concentrating on being healthy and I try not to let anyone take a picture of me! If you find something that works for you, please share.

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  8. Was just leafing through my favorite cookbooks this morning.. “can’t make this because of his cholesterol, can’t make that because of my love handles, sugar is inflammatory, white flour is bad, oops, we’ve already had red meat once this week..” I’m afraid it’s gonna be zucchini on the grill this Memorial Day with a bowl of blueberries for dessert!!! — 😒 sucks.

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  10. Gained 20 pounds with each kid (3) and never took it off between. I look at those before kid pictures and I thought I was heavy then (at 145 pounds). I have a sedentary job and hate exercising – walking is okay but I never make time for it. My son convinced me to try keto since of course we all look for a quick fix. While I’m not overnight slim, I have lost 21 pounds since mid-March and we got a dog so I’m the primary dog walker. I’d love to be 145 again. We’ll see. It is all about how you feel though and clothes sometimes help with that. Also, hang around with people who are larger than you…just kidding. Definitely harder after 50!

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  12. Menopause is no fun! I went through menopause just a tad early because of a hysterectomy for endometrial cancer. It is definitely easier to gain weight and harder to lose. Let me know when you find the magic bullet.

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  15. Same, girl. I was just looking at a picture of me holding my youngest like four or five months after she was born. I not only look gorgeous and young, but I was tiny compared to my size now, and I had basically just given birth. That was 8 years ago. What in the hell goes on in eight years that did this to me? I am not ready! I want my old butt back. 😦

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  16. As one who has no idea what you look like, I can just say, you are a beautiful woman. Beauty comes from within and your writes emanate you as the powerful, feminine, gorgeous lady you are. ❤️

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  17. Menopause did a real number on me. I had all the bells and whistles. Hot flashes. Night sweats. Insomnia. Weight gain. Plus a bout of very early stage breast cancer, which compounded all of the other menopause fun. Now, at 62.5, I’m enjoying a whole host of new stuff. Eye floaters, gastric issues, aches and pains out the wazoo.
    But the damned gastric stuff has led to weight loss. I’m skinnier than I’ve been in ages. I’d rather have the weight back without all the other stuff that’s befallen me. Stay healthy. That’s the most important thing.

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  18. Ugh. I am right there with you. Except I have the added weight gain that came with my SSRI, the added weight gain of being so useless last summer and fall due to physical health problems… and cookies have magic. They change the way I feel.
    If only there were a cookie that changed the way I looked but in a good way–like, maybe making me smaller🤔

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  19. I never had children, so how’d I end up with this mom body?😉 I wish I had an answer for your dilemma. Smaller portions and eating certain foods sparingly (for me the bread and other cheap carbs that I love soooo much).

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  20. I’ve been in this exact place. I exercise. A lot. I do cardio classes that have me dripping sweat 3-6 days a week. (This week I tried an interval training class and a yoga class too.) I hike 3-4 days a week. I eat a generally healthy diet but I’m not willing to starve myself. After my last checkup, the doctor said I’m doing great and just keep it up, but I am surrounded by people who are so narrow, they look like they’re missing bones or something.
    I need to accept that I am strong and healthy and not worry about the rest.

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      1. I am not saying it’s easy to ignore it. My friend who just visited is more than 10 years younger than me and looks amazing. Even she commented that you can’t compete with age. If she’s feeling that, Imagine how I feel.
        I also live in an area where fitness is the driving force. Elite athletes move here to train, there’s no way to compete with that.

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      4. It’s like living here…we have normal people then we have supermodels and celebrities…it’s sometimes hard to walk into certain places

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  21. The only time my mother-in-law was thin was when she was dying of ALS. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. I also lost of ton of weight when I was upset and had no appetite. Not a great way to lose weight, and everyone was asking me what was wrong. I weigh more now, but I’m happier. Do the best you can, and then move on.

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  24. I think women have it tougher than men by a long shot, both in losing weight and how easily it goes on. Everyone’s body is different and I love food as much as anyone, especially those things that are not good for me. But over many years of being overweight I’ve learned some tricks that got me down to the right weight over period of time, especially as I’ve gotten older. Without boring you, I try to only eat two meals a day. A later breakfast and an early dinner. If I pick on anything at night it’s fruit or something that won’t do me in. Of course theres times I stray from that but I’ve found the two meals and not eating anything except a snack after 5:00 really helps. Our bodies and metabolism changes with it. Exercise alone won’t help. But, as I’ve said, everyone is different. What works for some won’t work for others.

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    1. I have to watch my portion control, and do more veggies on the plate. I had a really fast metabolism, so i could eat what I wanted but still be reasonably ok. It does stink! Thank you for the tips! I take all advice about everything!!

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