Yesterday one of my friends texted in our ever going group chat:
Friend: OMG Just got asked to speak at a national conference in x.
Me: Congrats! So awesome! Love that city! What an honor! What are you going to wear?
So no matter what I say or do, it really all comes down to “What am I going to wear.”
Ann said the same thing yesterday. She stated that she now knows who she is, knows what makes her comfortable, but there are times when you inevitably ask that question…Yes- most of us have reached the age where we have our look or our uniform. We have stores we frequent and styles we prefer. We know who we are and are confident enough to own it.
There are still moments when we look at our date book, look in our closets, and just go “Hmmmm”
I have my evening event look, and I have my day event look. That’s easy. I don’t even think about what to wear to a wedding or funeral. But what about those curve balls? My tea society is having a summer event in June- the invite says dress or suit please. OK. I can do that. But then it says “Hats optional.”
And I don’t mean baseball caps. I know what kind of Kentucky Derby, Sunday church hat that is being spoken of. So do I buy a hat for the occasion? Or do I sit there and be the only person not wearing a hat? It really doesn’t matter: I don’t think anyone is going to .point at me and hiss “Traitor!” But should I wear a hat?
Where do I even buy a hat?
The colleges that my daughter has been accepted to have meet and greets. This was a troubling one for me. Do I go business like, or is that too much? How casual is casual? What’s the proper middle of the road look? (For the record, I went with black dress, grey long cardigan and black flats) Yes, I was far too worried about what the other parents would think of me.
What it comes down to for me is that I want to be myself, so I stick to my neutral palette. Fine. But I neither want to stick out, nor blend in the crowd. I want to have my own individual stamp, but I don’t want everyone staring at me when I enter a room. Unless of course I’m winning an award and then stare all you like. Sort of like a non conforming conformist…
Yeah. I know. That doesn’t really make sense. But do you kind of know what I mean?
I wonder if I’ll ever be completely at ease as far as wardrobe is concerned. I’m in capris and a t shirt right now and I am content and comfortable. It is the perfect outfit for writing and errands. And 98% of the time I am totally confident in my look. But that other 2%? I just think there will always be that little sliver of time when I have that little sliver of doubt. I think that 98% of the time I dress for myself and myself alone: but that little tiny 2%? I think that I’m dressing for someone else. And whenever you are doing something for an audience you have that certain hesitation- You second guess yourself. You wonder if you should take a risk, or if you should play it safe. What will X think of me if I wear this outfit? Will they think I’m beautiful, sexy, smart, powerful? Or will they think I’m trying to hard? Or not trying hard enough?
In the end, I think I will always be plagued by those four little words “What should I wear?”