The whole reason I really started overthinking this topic was due to an article I read talking about how maybe you can determine compatibility based on your type. I’m always trying to find a reason, the why, so this was an avenue I wanted to travel down for just a little while.  So what have I seen?

My Husband is an ISFJ-A, so we are just separated by one letter. I was actually surprised that my husband registered as an introvert. He really thrives on being around others, and likes to surround himself with people. He does not do well by himself. The fact that he presents as an extrovert is probably the most difficult hill our relationship has to weather because I’m much more of a loner. Not surprisingly, when I looked at his breakdown, he was 51%in/49% ex- . Hmmmm.

Outside of the whole he wants people I don’t thing, our relationship is fairly calm.  We don’t have big fights, we get along reasonably well.  Could it be because we our types are so similar? Because we think the same way about most things? Is our one real opposite the most we need for “opposites attract”? I’m a thinker (and I think I was over 70% thinker) and he’s a feeler- would we continually fight if we both were too logical in our arguments? Or both too feeling?

Now according to the perfect partner for an ISTJ would be an ESFP. Why? Apparently, the thing I really need is a partner who is an extrovert. The natural traits of an ISTJ lead me to be stingy showing feelings (true). They tend to be more concerned with the physical in regards to intimacy, as opposed to the, you know, intimacy (alas, also true) And ISTJ’s are very respectful of the feelings of others, so would thrive with a feeling partner.

Logically, this all makes sense to me.  Theoretically, this personality type would be a great match.  But we all know that relationships are much more than a match on paper. Most people (apparently not me) have feelings.  And feelings are the most important thing in a relationship. But- I am going to overthink this for a bit.

Now what about parenting? My daughter is exactly the same as me- ISTJ-A. Could the reason I have had a really easy time parenting (knock wood because she doesn’t leave the house for five months) be because we are the same personality? Do I parent her as I would react in a certain situation and she intrinsically gets it because she thinks the same way? I mean, I would like to say that I am a perfect parent, but I know I’m not. But…the parenting road has been smooth…I don’t know.  I have to at least consider it.

So what does this all mean? I have no idea. But I will say that I am learning a lot about myself during this process. I am starting to guess the types of those around me, and why I’m attracted, or repelled by certain personalities. Do I think that this should be part of a dating profile? No.  Not at all. But I would be interested in seeing the results of the people I consider to be happily married/partnered. I would like to see how they balance one another out.

Time to overthink some more…


27 thoughts on “ISTJ-A and…

  1. My husband is an ENTJ. We get along great. Being both overachievers we worked great together running a business as well. We get so much done but tend to not be as sympathetic towards those who do not work as hard. Our oldest is an ESTJ, super easy to parent because she is like us. We are all T’s so not a lot of hurt feelings here. I am a very strong J, the youngest two are strong P’s which causes the most conflict I think.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. To say I am a strong J is an understatement. I am 97% J. My youngest two are NEVER on time. It makes me crazy! Plus I have a big problem if I can’t stick to a plan (I get sick, etc). I have to plan spontaneity 6 months in advance. But I get stuff done. I don’t understand why other people have problems sticking to a schedule. Can you relate?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You are speaking my language! I hate not having a plan. I mean…details upon details!! I have a friend who went on vacation with no hotel reservation. I. Could. Never.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, my father always said that there was “one person” out there for you and I think it had something to do with God bringing us together, not that my dad was overly religious or anything. Perhaps he was telling me that because I was a teen and sad that I wasn’t dating. I should have my husband take the test. By the way, the link you shared is not working (at least not when I tried it).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For some reason I often have trouble sharing links. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I don’t know if it’s one person, but I know some people just fit. But I also wonder if chemistry is enough

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I did this test, when you mentioned it in an earlier post. I came out as being a lot less introvert than I am (51%). That was because it must have seemed, from some of the questions I answered (yes, I can lead a group, etc) that I must be extrovert. No, I’m not. That is learned behaviour – being able to speak in a (small) group, for instance – because I did a degree as a mature student and it was required that you learn that. I like to meet people, sure, but put me with a bunch of people for a long time, and I go scewiff – I get so tired. Need to be on my own much of the time. That test didn’t pick up on that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I thing if someone is in the 40/50 range it’s tough to predict because it’s too close to call. I would love to do a question by question analysis….which answers skew you towards what. I’m a very good public speaker, but I don’t get energy from being around groups. It did peg me as an introvert though. Thanks for comments! I’m still thinking about this


  4. Great subject, LA! I am an INTJ. I used to use a quick version of the Myers Briggs with my Systems Analysis and Design class because they were going to be working in teams, and it’s a great way to get across the message that teammates will often approach things differently (not better or worse, just differently) and that everyone has something of value to bring to problem solving … but you have to give everyone a voice and that everyone gets listened to. Our society and the North American culture has a superabundance of Extraverts. All the kids who put their hands up quickly in class are exhibiting E traits. It isn’t better or worse, but often those kids don’t even have an answer, they just want to be one of the kids with their hand up. Often the kid who really has the right answer never raises a hand. In later life, we’re all missing out if we don’t wait to find out what that person who never raised a hand has to offer. In my computer science classes, the personality reined! Having a group do a quick Myers Briggs, where there are no right or wrong results, provides a great opening for a discussion on recognizing and respecting different perspectives, different approaches, and different expectations. There are other good techniques for group work, too, like the 6 Thinking Hats! All fun stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Not according to the literature, or my decades of experience teaching students from China. North America, and to a somewhat lesser degree Europe, are far more embracing of extraversion than other cultures.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I can only go by what I saw with my daughter. She went to a middle school that fed in from Chinatown, and my daughter was in the honors math/science program. Not quite shrinking violets. And as the top high schools in nyc are predominantly Asian, I’d say they were making their mark in a not so introverted way. As stated, it’s just what I see here, right now.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m always trying to understand the different ways people perceive things. I had a conversation with someone recently who basically tried to tell me that being an introvert “wasn’t good”. And the introvert in me immediately thought… this is why I don’t hang out with people

      Liked by 1 person

    2. In a classroom environment / in theory It’s a great Idea That I strive to achieve ‘teammates will often approach things differently, not better or worse’
      In application, it will most often play out as
      ” im starting to guess The types of those around me, and why im attracted to or repelled by certain types . -La” ( no offense La 🙇🙇, its a good example of what i dislike of the Mbti. )

      I’ve taken the MBTI test multiple times throughout the years I’ve been oscillating between Infj and intj-t however
      In my opinion , I don’t think a string of 4. Consonants can encapsulate the Gamut of a personality.
      Just how a picture is a snapshot in time of a moment . MBTI for me is a snapshot in time of the scaffolding to someone’s personality.
      Everyone has different personalities that undulate with time . I don’t think its wise to categorize personalities. Next think you know I might start thinking ” As an Intj-t i dont know how well I’ll get along with Rachel who’s a X personality type”
      I believe everyone deserves unconditional positive reguard reguadless of personality

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Nothing can encapsulate an entire personality….there are too many facets. But, for me alone, this quiz made some pretty accurate assumptions. And think about this…people make assumptions the minute they meet you. I’m short, so it’s assumed I’m weak. I talk fast so people think I’m a little unbalanced, I wear a really heavy winter hat and people look at me strange. We’re never going to stop people from making assumptions about others whether they’re classifying their myers Briggs types or what they’re wearing

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I agree; very interesting.

    Growing up, I assumed successful partners needed to be opposites as complements. My parents were that way, and so were many other couples I saw.

    In terms of who I was attracted to, however, I sought someone like me (the way you have).

    I would venture that perhaps opposites attract only in areas the other admires or really does not like to do. The proof? My husband is more confident than I am -yet didn’t/doesn’t like bothering people. This ‘bothering people’ dislike extends to waiters, hairdressers, etc. I don’t like many social confrontations, but had/have no issues with waiters or other help staff.

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