I recently asked a friend how he knew he was in love with his person. The answer was simple:

“I just know.” he said.

“But don’t you want to know why?” I badgered

“Why? Does it matter why? I just know it like I know any absolute in my life. I know I’m in love.”

And many of my friends answered the same way.  They don’t know what it is, but they know it when they see it, they know it when they feel it.

I’m trying to be practical with regards to love- trying to find the algorithm and it just doesn’t exist.  Dating websites might find you someone compatible based on your likes and dislikes, but they can’t predict love. A computer can’t just know.  And for the second time in two days I feel myself being compared to a cyborg.  Because. I. Want. To. Know. LA wants the formula.

Good luck with that.

Now let’s talk about Valentine’s Day.  I know there’s a lot of haters out there- people who can’t stand Valentine’s. And I get this: Hallmark holiday and all. Pushes love in your face.  Makes singles feel bad.  Etc. Etc.

But…

What’s wrong with a day that celebrates love? We still have April Fool’s on the calendar. So- it’s ok to have a day to prank or be mean to someone, and then we say “April Fools” and all is forgiven? Why is that OK and Valentine’s not?

I got an 8 am group text from one of my best friends yesterday with the simple words: Happy Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t romantic, but it was from the heart. it solidified the bonds of friendship that we share. What’s wrong with that…reminding the people that you love that you love them?

And while we’re talking about February 14: I had an observation yesterday: My friend who has the strongest marriage I know received a bouquet from her Hubby. Sweet. She also received one from her daughter. See, that’s love too.

And…

My other friends and family to receive Valentine’s: all on second marriages or the relationship equivalent.  Why do I point this out? Because maybe it’s silly to celebrate Valentine’s, but maybe it’s worse not to. Maybe it’s not about the actual day, but maybe it’s about the actual feelings.

Don’t get lazy about showing the person that you love that you love them.

It doesn’t have to be flowers or candy or hiring a skywriter. But is does mean telling your partner early and often how you feel about them.  Maybe you do “just know” you’re in love, but you need to make it evident to your person in whatever way you best show love.

Make the effort. Show the love.

If you love someone it’s worth the effort.

Because it just is.

 

28 thoughts on “What I Learned About Love This Week”

  2. Don’t feel like a cyborg! I want formulas for things too… 😁 but then again, some things if I know it innately I don’t necessarily have to have an xyz formula… talk about human complexities! I liked how you approached the topic this week 😊

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  3. I’ll never forget listening to a middle aged couple discuss love, I cannot remember the context and it doesn’t matter anyway 🙂 . This couple most loved each other dearly, the viewer could tell, but here’s the ‘rub’, they had their own hobbies and interests which the other hated so I’m afraid I’m a little sceptical of these dating website algorithms, then again if two people fall on a site then lol I’m probably wrong.

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    1. Ok….I’m going to diatribe on my view of online dating. I think you can meet someone who has the same interests and values as you. But that’s not necessarily love, or romantic love anyway. I do think there’s an X factor between two people that sometimes results in that being in love feeling….and computers can’t get that. What I’m trying to say is…I think two people can meet online and have a satisfying relationship because they want to be in a relationship. I don’t know if that’s love. Does that make sense?

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      1. 🙂 Yes absolute sense, I dated a lady blogger I met on WP and we got on famously, never stopped chatting and laughing all day yet we’d didn’t know what each other looked like……………. just shows you can become friends through the written word alone.

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  4. 🙂 I’m pretty sure there’s a formula, too. That can be tricky to tie down. As an example, I worked with a guy who shared many similar personality traits and interests with me and DROVE ME CRAZY. My husband, on the other hand, also shares many personality traits and interests and I LOVE him.

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  6. Nothing wrong with such a day. It’s a little bittersweet for me. It is the anniversary for my last marriage. Started great and lasted a long time, but not such a great ending. Still nice to have a day celebrating love 🙂

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  8. I agree. I think Valentine’s Day is only hard on people when we believe it is limited to romantic love, which of course not everyone has in their lives. But what’s wrong with sending a valentine to the people we love and care about in our lives, whether it’s a family member, close friend, or even just someone who has done us a favor? Show the love, indeed.

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  9. When you’re having a lovely day do you need to know how the sun works or a bird sings? I’m just happy to find someone who tolerates me and I really don’t need to know how it works. Sorry if this makes me dull or uncurious, but that’s just the way I am.

    And I like Valentine’s Day. 🙂

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    1. Actually….I kind of do like to know those things….I’m one of those why people who always delves into how things work….or the theoretical or….let’s just say I like to talk about theories and ideas!!
      And you’re not dull at all!! I’m sort of boring though….

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