I have trouble letting things go.  Except with my Husband and Daughter. When it comes to life in my apartment, I can really be a duck- I let things roll off my back. With my immediate family I am able to pick which battles I choose to fight.  I look at the big picture and I ascertain if a particular situation is worth pursuing.

And this has worked well.

Except when it doesn’t.

As the peacemaker I talk my daughter down when she’s crazy.  I calmly let my Husband rant at me when he’s on a roll. When they are fighting I mediate: I remind each of them that something is a one off (which it usually is) and get them to see the other point of view.  And this makes it a fairly harmonious home. Which is what I want: I want to limit the amount of stress I experience on a day to day basis, and having a family that gets along goes a long way towards this.

So what’s the problem?

Well, I let a lot of things slide.  In fact, I let most things slide.  So much so, that when I put my foot down about something, no one really pays attention. Or they get really angry. Passive aggressiveness.  Laziness.

My Daughter is a great kid and rarely gives me grief.  But she’s not great at helping around the house, And I let it slide because it’s such a small thing.  But…I have a cleaning woman a few times a month, and I don’t have her clean my daughters room. Yesterday, my daughter said to me “Can you have the cleaning person clean the toothbrush holder?” And I went crazy.  I mean- my daughter doesn’t even need to clean it: it can go in the dishwasher.

My Husband. Same idea. I let things slide, but then I find an issue to plant my flag on, and he gets annoyed.  He expects me to back down, because I always back down, because I’m always thinking big picture. I try not to worry about the small things.

The small things add up though.

So how do you balance out letting things go, but not getting taken advantage of?

41 thoughts on “Let it Go???”

  2. Balance is key. I think you have to find your balance and then teach it to them. I think families get complacent when the matriarch who lets things slide normally, braves an upset and sticks to her issue. But you don’t have to let everything slide all the time. You’re allowed to have an issue and have them listen as intently as you do for theirs. Perhaps this is part of your new year and maybe it’s time for a sit down with the 2 of them to explain how you feel….I wish you luck xo

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  3. Rage. 🙄😉🙃

    Honestly, I’ve noticed that the rage is hormonally influenced and since no one pays attention to my very consistent episodes of rage (which are short-lived but semi-regular visitors) I have to find a way to remove myself from the annoyance.

    It’s a work in progress.

    Fyi, the toothbrush holder would have done me in too. Really? In the time it took to complain about it, they could have done it themselves. Sheesh. 😉

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  4. Sorry LA, I can’t go down this rabbit hole. Too many bad memories involved here. Suffice to say that letting go with family is great on the low-stress lifestyle, until it isn’t. Low stress living compounds to that moment that you mention and then bam, no more low stress! Perhaps believing our original choices allow us to live with less stress are only a disguise to lull everyone into a false sense of peace, and to allow one person in the group to be taken advantage of moving forward…?

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    1. I know! But here’s the thing….how do you balance? How do you keep stress relatively low, yet still feel you’re not sacrificing tour sense of self? I’m thinking a yurt I. The middle of no where , all by myself, could ne appealung

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  8. I find if I let things go too often they build up and then the aggrieved party looks at me like I am a crazy person to just humor me and it will go away. I constantly tried to keep the peace between members of the family, but they are all old enough to act like adults, I leave the room. I pick one small thing every week that be addressed simply and let the rest go. Keep your eye on what is truly important to YOU.

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  9. Yes, I’m the peacekeeper and the one who lets it slide until I can’t anymore and then…I cry. In front of them. Amazing how my crying brings the feelings of guilt to them who know they could do better. Either that or I swear. I never swear, at all. When I swear, everyone listens because they think the world must be coming to an end.

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  16. I dont know. Before menopause this didn’t really matter. I did my stuff during the week and on the weekend I helped my husband with what he needed help with. In the summer its trailer stuff. Winter its whatever. After menopause this isnt working. I dont want bothered with all of that small. If the garbage is full take it out. If we need me toliet paper go in the basement and grab it. If I say something it’s a big deal It’s my fault I have let this slide for too long. He should be able to take care of the little things by himself. I’m going to write a post on this because its bothering me. I was even thinking about going to counseling for a couple of sessions to learn how to deal with it. I have all of this anger but that’s on me. I try not to let the anger seep into what is happening today but it does and I need to learn how to deal with it.

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    1. Counseling is probably a great start. That’s just it…how do we deal with the emotions that all of a sudden bubble up? I don’t think we’re prepared for the changes in our bodies

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