One of my goals this year is to learn to let it go. I tend to react negatively to people who are annoying. I don’t think it’s great to hold onto anger, and I’m going to do my best to break this bad habit. The problem is: how do you do this?
This week I’m going to talk about some people in my life, how I felt about the situation, and how I handled it. I’m also going to try to figure out what I could do better in the future.
A few weeks ago my Husband went to a friends house to watch the college play offs.
My Husband invited me, but honestly, sitting through one college football game which I have no alliance to is hard enough: two would be miserable. So I respectfully declined. You know by now that I am not one of those people that is always with their spouse. I am a big believer in being an individual as well as a partner, so I am perfectly happy with my Husband having friends and doing things without me. I know there are things that I like to do alone, or with friends. I do not being my Husband to things that I know he will not enjoy (foreign movies, wine nights with the girls, etc…)
We have been happy with this arrangement for a long time.
Now there’s some Greek tragedy here, because behind the scenes, my Husband’s friend was goading my husband: Why doesn’t LA come to the football parties? (party being a stretch for a bunch of guys sitting in a living room eating pizza) Why doesn’t she come and hang out at the bar when we’re at a bar? (Again- I do not like sitting in bars unless there’s trivia, or arcade games, or something else to do besides drinking)
So my Husband started pushing me to go to the football thing.
I was not amused.
He kept questioning my Husband about my choice of activities. Why did I like to go to museums? Why do I like to attend live performances? Why don’t I like to do other things?
My question: why does it matter what I like?
Why does this random guy care what I like?
Why is he giving my Husband grief about how we choose to live our lives?
Why was my Husband teetering towards peer pressure?
I got a little pissy with my husband. Why was he more worried about what this guy thinks than what I think? Was this really something to fight about?
I calmly (seriously- I was calm) explained to my husband that if it was really important to HIM that I go to the “party” I would go. But if it was in reaction to the comments of this “friend”, I was not going to go. I actually had a laundry list of things that I needed to get done that day (I had to proof my Daughter’s million college applications that needed to be submitted) and I did not want to be up all night.
My Husband agreed with me.
Now I admit, I think by remaining calm I kept the situation contained. My Husband really thought about his motivation.
But you see, in the back of my mind, I’m still annoyed. I’m annoyed that my Husband was trying to get me to do something because someone thought he was “less” of a man. I’m annoyed that this guy has the audacity to question why I do or don’t do things. I feel like he’s mocking my tastes and preferences. I don’t know what I am going to do the next time I see him. Honestly, I would prefer not seeing him. I don’t need to be criticized for what I like and what I don’t like.
How do I get rid of this anger and annoyance? I’ve journaled it out- which helped a little. I’m hoping that writing this blog today will help me. But how do I get past this negativity that is seeping from this guy? How do I get past my Husband almost not backing me up?
As always, a work in process…