Last week I wrote about how my parenting abilities were questioned because I told my daughter about Santa Claus. And many of you remarked about how calmly I handled the situation.

Fine.

But lets discuss the calm part. Because you know I’m not always calm and laid back in my reactions to things.

But in this particular instance I was rather calm, but it was more due to shock.  I was in shock that someone would equate me telling my daughter about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy to being a lie that would cause my daughter to no longer trust anything I said. In my actual logical and analytical mind, this was ridiculous theory.  Every child needs imagination and whimsy, and frankly.  It’s ok to believe that there are things that are just good in the world. And there are times we need to believe in the unknown.

This year my daughter spearheaded a National Honor Society project where they collected art supplies and other small items and made shoeboxes that were delivered to kids in a shelter. To me, that’s a bunch of kids just trying to make some kids have a better day.  Isn’t that the spirit of Santa Claus?

But the other reason I remained calm…

See, at that time, I was the only member of the group that had children.  I didn’t confront the woman because I didn’t know how the other members felt.  I was a little scared to defend myself more passionately.  I erred on the side of quiet.  I simply told the accuser that I was doing what I thought was best for my child in that particular situation.  I was carrying on a tradition that had been through my family, my friends. For the most part we were fairly well adjusted adults.  And none of us thought our parents were bad people to have told us these things.

But what did other people think?

What did people without children think?

So I stayed relatively, uncharacteristically quiet.

But I do wonder why people need to comment negatively about how others choose to live their lives, parent their children. Because when you think about it, is there a universal right answer to every situation? Is there only one way to do something?

 

28 thoughts on “Why I Was Calm

  1. Blah. Most people’s comments are self-serving I think, no? Re-actions to something in their own life. I don’t know, some days I get defensive, other days I don’t give a hoot, and still other days I hold myself back from telling them off. But, if I don’t socialize (much) and/or stay off the internet I can just avoid all that crap which is a point I reach semi-regularly. This may or may not work long term, but does save me from the self-pity party. 😉

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    1. Tomorrow I’m writing about something I once said to someone who was sort of nasty to me. I originally was going to include it today but it got too long

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  2. Interesting thought. I don’t often agree with how my step children handle gifts we send to the grandchildren. From one, we don’t get any thank you which makes me remember how I grew up sending thank you cards. There are other things I don’t agree with and I know my husband feels the same way but since I am not the mother and he separated from his ex-wife at a critical time in their life missing some of the important years…anyway, it is not his fault but the way they were raised. It helps if you can to point your tongue but it is challenging. Staying off the internet and social media is a great idea especially if you are writing a book. Cheers for a great new year.

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  3. My question is this…why didn’t the rest of the book club members jump on this women’s bizarre comment and support your stance? Every person I know grew up believing in Santa or some sort of magical characters. Some parents tell their kids he’s not real, others let their children figure it out themselves. But it’s a rare individual who thinks holiday magic is a negative thing. Clearly the woman has some baggage and found intimidated members of your group empowering . I can’t say how I would have reacted because I probably would have been stunned by her comments too. I’d like to think I would have stood up to her but I probably would have thought she was nuts and let it go.
    I find people who react so negatively have a chip on their shoulder or excess baggage and tend to blame others for their lack of happiness. They are miserable and want to bring others down. Hard to imagine because it’s such abnormal behavior. Your reaction was probably the best way to handle it.

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    1. I don’t judge anyone for speaking or not speaking. And I don’t know what there opinions were. They might agree with me. And everyone is entitled to their opinion, but they’re not entitled to chastise those they don’t agree with. A spirited debate is fine…. telling someone they’re wron* is another. And to be fair, the woman neve4 showed up at another book club ever again, so I think she got the pint in the end. Technically, I lost the battle, but ultimately won the war

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      1. Yes, I agree that an opinion is fine and so is a debate, but telling someone they are wrong is uncalled for. Each person and every family has their own traditions. So it’s silly to judge others. I guess being a teacher, I saw so many different parenting styles and most of the children turned out just fine. And trust me,believing in Santa would have been the LAST thing to worry about. I still think she was a grinch! Lol

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  4. I don’t understand people offering opinions about subjects like that. I only speak up when an extreme issue arises, like child-enslavement or sex abuse.
    In that vein, maybe these people had an experience as a child that deeply affected them and they’re trying to save your child from the same?

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  5. Okay, so like this woman is out of her mind daring to make a comment even if she was right, but as it so happens, she’s wrong. Best response for such comments from my repertoire: Shocked silence and a non-comprehending look. That’s all it takes. Is as if you said 1000 words. She’ll be worrying about it for the rest of the day.

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  6. BTW I just read your post to my daughter the pediatrician and she said “this woman is being far more sophisticated than she actually needs to be. Imagination is simply a part of child development and so telling a child about Santa Claus is providing them with age-appropriate content.”

    QED.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. We told our kids that Santa was fake. We were rather extreme in our honesty and through the years they have been very honest in return. We told our kids that Santa was pretend and that it was fun to pretend he was real. We wanted our kids to trust what we told them. There were people that condemned us for this.

    Now I hear more and more about how it is bad to tell kids that expensive gifts came from Santa because there are many good children out there whose parents can’t afford to buy them anything under the guise of Santa. You can’t win as parents. But you can make the best decisions that you can. If people have a problem with it, too bad. People should focus their time on solving real issues, like child abuse and trafficking and not nitpick non issues.

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  8. You write: “Because when you think about it, is there a universal right answer to every situation?”

    So you’re asking about the efficacy of humanistic pluralism during a world wide celebration of religious monotheism? Well then, yes Virginia , there is a Santa Claus. He gifted all with Enlightenment. But all bright tinsel of understandings have long since dimmed. And it’s growing darker.

    Nice post.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well put. There are times when I don’t understand people. My sister got mad at my mother for something on Christmas and it was clearly my sister reading too much into a simple statement. And I don’t usually defend my mother who does tend to say I’ll thought out things…but people…makes living on 100 acres in the middle of know where an appealing prospect

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  9. I’ve been trying not to do this. I’ve noticed that the group at my lunch table at work does this and I’m trying not to get sucked into it. Especially if I dont know the people or the circumstances. I’m trying to let people live their own lives whole I’m living mine.

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