When I jotted down notes for today’s blog my intention was to complain about something my Husband did. Nothing major, just something annoying.  Then last week I was talking to a friend, and I asked if in my blog I wasn’t particularly nice towards my husband.  The response: well, you do sort of paint him in a negative light.

So I thought about that. And I realized it’s true. When I blog about my Husband I tend to complain, or write when he does something wrong.  Of course, sometimes the stuff he does is so stupid it’s funny, other times it’s because he’s really pissed me off. It’s easy to write about these things- funny and angry practically write themselves- the words just flow onto the page.

This is the thing about long term relationships (19 years)- it’s easy to pick on the flaws- you’re just more aware of them.  At the onset of a relationship you sweep the negative under the rug, you figure you can work on it later.  The beginning is all about the good: presents, sex, fun. But as years go by….

On Saturdays I have been trying to focus on the good parts of my life- the little things that I am grateful for. And I admit, even when I am trying to focus on all the good in my life, I still undercredit my Husband. I forget about the things he does which make my life easier and better. It becomes so easy to miss all the good because it’s so easy to focus on the bad or annoying.

So…going forward…I am going to try to think about the good things my Husband does. I am going to try to not let the little stuff drive me crazy (and as I write this I’m annoyed because he did something insignificant to most but to me it took my out of my morning ritual and it’s eating away at my brain) but I’m going to try to remember the good that he does.

I guess that’s the key to successful, long term relationships: the ability to let the positive shine thought and let the negative slide to the background. There should be a relationship journal where every night you must write down one bad thing and three good things about your significant other. This way, you get to vent, but you also get to praise. You get to look at your SO in a better light, while accepting that they are human and have faults. It’s all about perspective: how we choose to view the people we are with.

40 thoughts on “A Different Type of Gratitude”

  2. I was going to write an almost identical post on this topic today. Lol….not just about him but the kids too.

    Ironic side note: I am on strike. Naturally ever fell apart last night and, lucky me, I get the brunt of the mess to clean up.

    Striking doesn’t work. Sigh

    So like you, I’m having some struggles to work past the negativity and look for, feed on, the positives.

    Hard when the crap keeps piling up all around you…😏

    Maybe we should corroborate, start a weekly series, to help guide us back on track…gonna ponder this when mine are out of the house shortly.

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  3. I remember once reading a quote by a well known writer and he stated something like this, “Women are crazy because men make them so.” This was from someone from the past, so even in the past this was an issue. When I think of this thought, I smile and agree….even in the best of times.

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  4. Great thoughts on gratitude. I think we can find the positive even when relationships go bad. There is always a positive message to take away. And with long-term relationships there always seems to be some trade offs, but I think the positive far outweighs the negative. Sharing the irritating moments can be good too because it’s something we all can relate to 🙂

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    1. I admit I like when people share their struggles because it does make me feel less alone. Sometimes you think you’re the only one…which is one of the reasons I am honest about things. So people know there is good and bad

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  6. I like the idea of the journal each night! Nobody has a perfect marriage, no matter what the movies would like you to think, I am 23 years in and like every marriage there are good times and bad, you just get on with it, no relationship stays the same over time, I think the trick is to learn as you go. Annoys me SO much when famous people get married and give up after a few months, awful example to the younger generation!

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  8. We’ve been married 54 years and somehow survived all the annoyances. I stay in awe of John because he can forget bad things — totally forget them! How can he do that??? I have a mantra that runs through my head quite often. I keep saying, “Let it go! Let it go!”

    If I do let it go, then I’m free to write about all the good things John does. I try to thank him every time he washes dishes, brings clean clothes to the closet, takes me out to dinner, hauls the garbage to the collection center, and works in the yard.

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  9. I agree that focussing on the positives of one’s other half are essential, from time to time, to mitigate the irritations. I also remind myself that I can be pretty annoying myself and my partner is remarkably tolerant of most of my nonsense, for which I am truly grateful!

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  10. I hear you! My husband gets praise from the wives at all the parties we go to because he is one of the first to get up and help clean, even as far as washing dishes. When it comes to our dishes and cleaning our house he’s not so quick to respond. Still, I’m the envy of the other wives for having such a helpful husband and I don’t have to help at the parties so I guess it’s okay!

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  12. So is putting out a relationship journal on your list of things to write? Why wait? Start it now. If you’re already journaling every night just tack your list to the bottom. If not, it’s a great way to start. The best advice I ever got from a sponsor about relationships is to insert your SO/ex in place of your name in your prayers every night for a month. It gives you a new awareness of others. Good luck with your list.

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  14. It’s OK to be irritated at times – we all get like that. However, when it comes to writing it down an amusing anecdote can easily become a bit of a moan. I’ve deleted quite a few posts over the years because I got the balance wrong. I’ve also had a couple of uncomfortable conversations about my comments on marriage and domesticity.

    As I like being married I have taken the hint. 🙂

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    1. You’re right….it’s easy for an anecdote to go the wrong way. When I start writing I think it’s amusing, and by the time I’m done I feel like a nag. But it’s sort of like life…you need to get the balance right. I’m still working on that….

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  15. Definitely agree on journal-ing good things that happened in the day as it is very easy for us to always focus on the negative anyway. Jotting it down on paper (or phone) forces us to look at the better side of things and people.

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  20. Th a reminds me of Colossians 3:13 which reminds us to “continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely.” I’ll be with my SO for going on 15 years. Meditating on the good they do (which always outweighs the bad) helps to build a greater appreciation for them. Glad you’ll be writing more about your husband’s good qualities. When you do you’ll find just how fortunate you are to have someone, even if he annoy you at times.

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