Have you ever played the board game “Say Anything”? It’s a favorite in our house for family game night.  Basically, someone asks a question, and the other players pick what they think the reader will answer.  Then the reader chooses which answer is most correct. When faced with LA trivia so to speak, my Husband knows me pretty well.  When given the question- “If you could start again, what occupation would you have?” Husband knows that the correct answer to that question, for me, would be “FBI Profiler”. Yes- you heard it hear first- if I was entering college, I would take the necessary steps to become a profiler (not a writer as you all may have thought).  He knows my favorite dessert (mille crepe cake from Lady M bakery), and that pink is my favorite color.  We have had many long conversations in our years together, but just because he knows the LA trivia file, does he know me best?

When discussing relationships a few weeks ago, Leslie talked about who knows you better, your friends or you significant other. And while it’s true that my Husband knows the facts, are facts the only thing that goes into “knowing” someone?

Last week I most definitely woke up on the wrong side of 50.  I was out of sorts.  Husband- well- he did not notice a thing.  Daughter though- she was all over me.  She knew within a minute of talking to me that not all was right in my world. She was able to read my body language and facial expression, and I guess interpret what I was actually thinking behind the glib words that I had thrown out that morning. So, while she might not know all the facts about me, she can definitely read my moods better. Does this mean that  she “knows” me better?

I have a friend “G”.  I called her a witch last week. (yes- witch with a “W”) and I meant it in the best of ways.  We were having a simple, pleasant text  conversation about the colleges our daughters are applying to and her kitchen renovation. And then she asked a question- basic question, but it was exactly the thing on my mind (and needless to say it had .nothing to do with kitchens or colleges).  I said “How did you know I was thinking about that?” and she wrote back “LOL. I woke up this morning and thought that. Figured I’d ask while we were chatting.” So, does her intuition about me show that she knows me best?

What do we mean when we ask “Who knows me best?”? Is it facts, is it sense of mood, or is it just knowing without saying a word? Does it just depend on who the person is, as some are more emotionally connected or more intuitive by nature? When you say you “know” someone, what do you mean by that?

The people in my inner circle- I think I know them well, but I admit, some I know better factually, while others I just connect with on an emotional level.  I’m not sure what the real difference is. I’m not even sure if there is a difference. But I guess what really matters is the connection that we forge.  And maybe different relationships are supposed to be on different levels…

OK- I’m throwing this over to you: Who knows you best? Family, friends, partner?

 

42 thoughts on “Good, Better, Best

  1. I don’t think my partner really “knows” things. This week I wondered if I had some sort of special powers to sense things. My daughter sent me a simple “Night Mom” text this week, and I hardly slept all night. My mom brain was convinced something was wrong. When she called me the next morning in tears I was not surprised, it was like knew instinctively. I also find I can “read” my friends and co-workers on a very basic level. I think women are better than this. And definitely moms!

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    1. I know what you mean about moms….you just get that sense in your bones that all is not right. And for the most part I do think women are more intuitive. Maybe women just have learned to trust their instincts better

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  2. No one. Although my mom and my 10yo daughter know more than others do….and I have a virtual friend in Germany (I went to highschool with her but she lives too far away now hence virtual) whom I talk to daily via email or some other messaging app and she knows me on a completely different level than anyone else.

    Here’s a question: do you edit what you say to some people for the sake of being perceived a certain way?

    Example: I started a text to my mom bitching about a stupid fight I had with my partner, then deleted the entire thing. When she came home with my daughter she could tell something was up and I could tell she could tell.

    But as much as I wanted or needed a sounding board right then I chose not to involve her. I did tell her some basic things to satisfy her curiosity as to why I’m irritable, even though she didn’t ask. I did this so she wouldn’t ask. But I edited enough to give her something without going off on a tangent

    Does this make sense?

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    1. Totally. I think that’s a normal reaction for moms….when we talk, we want to air our feelings…we don’t want/need a lecture. You have to edit. But sometimes I adjust my pattern to how the person I’m talking to is going to react. It all comes down to knowing your audience…how do you phrase something to someone specific?

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    2. There are different sides of my personality my coworkers know one side of me, outside of work I feel alienated in the sense that family and friends enjoy conversations that revolve around food ,sports, TV Series , so and so is getting married , such and such coworker did _____, and occasionally politics.
      Every day I arrive home I get asked how was work? I reply with “it was great” if expand on the reply they lose intrest. At work I can have a conversation with subjects that I love.
      But my coworkers don’t how eccentric I can be and how much of a rascal I really am .
      I think that texting and other electronics forms of communication are technologically mediated telepathy, my blog followers probably know a side of me neither my family friends nor coworker know about.

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      1. I totally get that. I think in some ways my blog friends know more about me than most because I’m raw and vulnerable in my posts in ways that I’m not in real life. And yeah…I get that we’re different people depending on who we’re with…I think it’s just human nature to know your audience…I don’t know if anyone is 100% authentic all the time

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  3. Emotion versus fact. You can recite pages of facts about someone, but in my humble opinion you are not truly “known” by another if that gut-feeling-instinct-body-language connection isn’t there.

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    1. Funny…but you got what I was thinking…😉 I’ve been tossing this exact thing in my mind….facts are easy to know *assuming someone is listening, which is another thing) but, I know…that instinct…it means something…

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  4. My husband. Sometimes it’s lovely how he can pick up on the non-verbal unintentional cues and even through whatsapp responses. Lol. But other times… it’s freaking annoying. Sometimes i just want to sulk in peace and don’t want to talk about it! 😉

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  5. I think it’s the person that makes that difference. I meant that some people are good at reading others and have more intuition. My 15 yr old son always knows when I’m ‘off’ and it bothers him. My best friend is an online friend and she ‘knows’ all about my private thoughts and annoyances, but she may not ‘get me’ the way my husband does sometimes. After 27 years he knows how I will react and feel about certain things, even if he doesn’t seem to care sometimes or be willing to do anything to prevent me being pissed off. But he may not notice that I am feeling lonely or need a little extra emotional support because I’m usually so self-sufficient. I hate having to tell him or ask him, but I will.
    Another question for you LA, do you ever feel manipulated by your hubby? Like he says or doesn’t say or do certain things to keep you from being mad or to butter you up? Mine didn’t use to do that , but he does now. I hate being manipulated, but I do appreciate not being pissed off. Lol. Guess I can’t have it both ways!

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    1. Hmm. Manipulated is an interesting word. I don’t think my husband is manipulative. I think he sometimes doesn’t understand how I can think a certain way about something, so his responses to my feelings are a little weird….but that’s really lousy communication

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  6. My ex husband know each other pretty well. Even now that we’ve been divorced for 8 years. But he doesn’t know everything. I’ve grown and changed the last few years. Now I’m not too sure who would KNOW me best. But its mostly my fault because I have a really hard time letting my guard down to let anybody in.

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  7. Excellent point, as usual. 🙂
    As I read your post I remembered that Brené Brown said we need a different person to talk to depending on the issue of what we need to vent about. We clearly can’t complain about a husband’s annoying quirks to the husband, for example.

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  8. It’s changed for me a bit over the last few years. An old friend who used to know the most is no longer a friend. So I guess it’s now my wife, which all things considered is probably best. I’ve learned the hard way that secrets can kill relationships.

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  9. Wow – I was just talking to D the other day that I wished I had pursued the FBI path vs my initial path. I think a combo of people know me best….D, T and LA (maybe…hee….hee).

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    1. Well, g said something to me the other day,and guessed you would text me…which you did….so I think we really know one another well….scary as that is….

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  10. My daughters can usually tell if something is bothering me, my husband not always, but I wonder if that is because I was taught not to “bother” my husband with problems? By “taught” I mean that my mom was old fashioned and gave me the “10 rules for a happy husband” and I believed them – LOL.

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  11. I would say that my best friends know me best… and my mom for sure- and of course my children. My husband tries but even just last week he couldn’t remember if my middle names were hyphenated or not. (We have been together for sixteen years and yet he can’t remember THAT little detail!) He does make an effort though- so I try not to let it bother me too much. If I give him a pop quiz he can get some of the answers right (like the fact I refuse to eat chicken off a bone, and who my favorite singer is) but others he confuses me with our teenager daughter. I don’t feel so bad considering he can’t keep our keep our kids favorite things straight too. He can be a bit absent minded- but he means well.

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    1. I just wonder if there are just certain people that we let our guard down when we’re around….but I think friends are just better at knowing us ….I know my closest friends really well too

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  12. This is an interesting topic because it made me think. Being divorced I would not say my former husband, except at the beginning of the marriage I think we were incredibly connected. But I think my best friend since we were 9 years old has consistently been the one who knows me best. We live on opposite sides of the world, but still connect regularly. Long phone calls (5 hours) usually every few weeks. We have a glass of wine or two and feel like we’re reconnecting. We sit in our living rooms and chat the night away, pretending that we’re in the same room, sharing cheese and crackers and keeping up with our wine consumption! LOL We’ve even had champagne toasts to celebrate our kids or our achievements (divorces too!). I’m lucky that we connected all those years ago.

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  13. My husband thinks he knows me better than he does and is prone to saying things like “I know you don’t like…” or “You think blah blah blah…” which annoys the crap out of me, because he’s usually incorrect. But then sometimes he really does get me. I don’t think anyone really knows me at all.

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