I used to have a high stress job..  I used to love this high stress job.  And then one day I looked in my desk drawer, and looked at the mountain of Tums and Pepto and Advil, and I began to wonder, why do I love a job that constantly leaves my stomach upset and my head pounding? That was the beginning of the end of my days in finance.

Now, I try to avoid stress.  But because life is what it is, stress just keeps coming at you. And though I try to manage my life so that it is low stress…but…well, sometimes stress doesn’t listen and it comes at you full throttle.

I’m in one of those full throttle periods now.

Personally, I have about a thousand things running through my head. Stress, stress, stress and more stress.  And if it was just my angst, maybe I could manage it better.  But the problem with being a mother, wife and friend means that the you start to absorb the stress of the people in your life.

My daughter: well, she is just about ready to implode. The weight of her classes, the college application, the essay…Let’s talk about the essay for a moment…My daughter wrote what she thought was a really good essay for the common app.  My neighbor proofread it for grammar, and she asked my daughter the dreaded question: “Do you think this is enough?” So now my daughter is questioning here essay.  Which makes me question her essay.  An essay that we both thought was good…I looked it over with her yesterday- and I watched her make a few tweaks…but is she going to keep questioning it? Which means I will keep questioning it…You see what I mean?

Husband- well work has not exactly been a big ball of fun for him.  He comes home tired and cranky.  Trust me, this is not a good look.  I try to talk to him, but I can’t make the situation any better.  And I try to take care of all the little details of our household…but you know….

Friends.  I ‘m watching all of my closest friends go through things.  Health issues.  Family issues.  Relationship issues. My most optimistic friend has had a few just really lousy things happen to her, and even she said she was trying hard to keep a smile on her face. I’m there to listen to all of them, and not being able to make any of their situations better is sort of crushing me…I know that everything can’t continually be rosy, but can my friends just get some slack?

I’m doing all my stress busting things.  Exercise. Eat healthy. See friends.  Text friends. Reduce caffeine. Do something fun everyday.  I’m doing them all.  But yet…my head keeps spinning.  My thoughts are non stop.  The angst…here’s the thing: I’m either going to weigh 3 thousand pounds or 3 pounds…I tend to be a stress eater, so I could just start inhaling bagels, or, my stomach could be so knotted up that I lose all my body fat… it really can go either way…

Meditation. Yeah.  I know about it.  First off, I can’t sit with my legs crossed.  So the even vaguely lotus position is out.  And secondly- I just can’t shut my mind and concentrate on breathing.  My mind won’t stop.  My brain doesn’t shut down when I’m sleeping either.  every night I look at my blog topic and I have no idea what I’m going to say or how I’m going to present it.  Yet, when I wake up, the format is right there before my eyes, the words flowing through my fingers onto the key board, into WordPress and onto your devices…I know my brain is prewriting my blog as I sleep…

So what am I to do?  Try to relax.  Try to stop my mind from running. Try to make sense out of things that don’t make sense. Do my best to hold it together one minute at a time.  And I guess scream if I need to….

One second at a time…

One minute at a time…

One hour at a time…

One day at a time…

Until it’s a little better…

69 thoughts on “You’re Stressing Me Out”

  3. Its not a great place to be when stress takes over. Your body can only take the adrenaline for so long then it starts hurting you. You seem to have all the ideas to bust it, hopefully things turn around for you. Ian

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  4. Glad to know that even though this much stress you are trying your best to handle it.

    About meditation , its okay if you lose focus from breath. Get your mind back to breath no matter how many times it wanders .

    😃

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    1. My daughter uses headspace. My problem is, I need to start using it before I’m totally stressed out. If I were to start it now I would get more stressed

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  6. Breathe. I, like many, can totally relate to your post. We are strong, we will muddle through, but I’m glad you voiced it. So often we keep these things to ourselves, and then wonder why we are suffering. Sometimes you just need to unload. Thank you.

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  8. First, stop carrying everyone’s burdens. Second, do you believe in God? If so, give ALL this to God. Pray , leave it on the altar, trust that He knows and is working on it. If not,know that I will be praying for all this.
    Gonna be alright , Paula

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      1. I do it, too, so I’m being a hypocrite, oops ! But really we can’t fix everything, even though we think we should, right? And sometimes, THEY think we should!

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    2. So true! I had to learn this this summer. Letting go feels very uncomfortable at first but you actually end up in a better place to help yourself and others. I had to let go of the pride I didn’t even know I had that kept me thinking I was the answer to everyone’s problems. 😉

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      1. Thanks for sharing your experience. I found that some people actually resented my trying to help. That felt that it meant I had no faith in their ability to solve their problem. Did you ever notice that?

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      3. That was almost always the final outcome! Hahaha! Especially with the men in my life. Simply asking “so how are you going to handle that?” instead of “how can we fix that?” or “this is what you should do,” gives our loved ones the power to change their lives and gives us a resting place so we can eventually see that boundaries are a good thing.

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  9. I know the feeling. And putting meditation on my to-do list is just one more thing to stress over. Lol
    I can’t shut my mind down to do meditation either. I start thinking about all the things I need to do afterward. I bring myself back to focusing on breathing just to find myself a second later thinking about something I forgot to put on my list. Ugh!
    Good luck to your daughter on her essay. And good luck to you too! 😊

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  10. Stress is a matter of life you can’t hide from. I was looking for extra jobs and whosh they just came in all at once and now I am freaking out with all the work and papers to grade. But if I didn’t have this, I would have other stresses.

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  11. Ahhh, I read your post this morning and I can feel the stress emanating from your writing as well. I won’t ask you to ‘relax’ because I know that has the opposite effect on me 😉
    You have got this! =)

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  12. I had the same problem when I began meditation, I couldn’t sit down for 5 minutes! But it’s like building any other muscle. Sit down one leg atop the other .start with a few deep breaths . In through your nose , out through the mouth and if you can’t bring your attention to the rising and falling of your chest, focus on those thoughts.

    A few years ago when I didn’t have a job in academia , when I was juggling school and work . The school / work day took up 15 hours of my day. Then I’d get home and study/ read . You know that feeling when you have a huge knot in your stomach I was getting those constantly. Then I picked up meditation , I would meditate right before going to bed after two weeks of practice I was meditating 30 minutes before going to bed and I would wake up very much relieved and the long days seemed manageable again.

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  13. I feel like I want to give you a pep talk, help you see the positives in your life or tell you it will pass. But I think what you really need is for me to SCREAM 😫 right along with you!

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  16. Sending you a healing hug! Isn’t there a word count for the college essay? Tell your daughter to maybe ask an English teacher about it so that she can get a professional’s opinion? Just a thought. They did those in high school for my kids which helped a lot. I am sure that her essay is amazing just like her! And you! 🙂 I think we’re all going through something these days. Hang in there…

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    1. Thank you! Our school doesn’t let the teachers give essay advice…the kids would go crazy if they did. Her essay is good, but our neighbor thinks she needs just a little more oomph….it’s so hard

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      1. I remember how hard it was for both my kids when it came to the college essays. Perhaps a fresh eye, someone who doesn’t know your daughter can read it? Just a thought? Then it would be a fresh look at the essay to see if there’s anything left unsaid?

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      2. That’s what got the angsts started…we asked a neighbor…who thinks it’s not quite enough….but we don’t want to ask too many people because everyone has different thoughts….I’m a big giant knot right now

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      3. I’m so sorry….what a mess! Do you know of anyone who reads college essays or helps kids with them? I know there are people who do that for a living.
        But if the essay is within the word limit, is concise and gets her point across, is well written grammatically etc., and highlights who she is, then it should be great! Heck, if she writes like her Mom, she’s got a great essay!!

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      5. Outside the box is an excellent place to be! As long as she’s following the guidelines for the essay and showing her strength with good grammar etc….it makes her stand out from the herd.

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  17. it’s OK to be concerned with those around you that you care about. the problem we sometimes have is we forget it’s OK to close it all off and wrap ourselves inward and just focus on ourselves for 5 minutes, an hour, maybe two. I sense you aren’t looking for solutions; you’re only looking to vent or to talk yourself thru this. it took a mild stroke to wake me up. I like my first walk in the morning where it’s just me and the weather out there and the rising of a new sun with the birds singing in the background. I can just close my eyes and just breathe it all in and feel the negative energy flow out.

    you’ll find your wellness moment I’m sure. 🙂

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  18. Would this perhaps help? 🙂

    https://www.livestrong.com/article/229443-deep-breathing-exercises-shortness-of-breath/

    Diaphragmatic Breathing
    “Diaphragmatic breathing is a technique that can be used to calm symptoms of anxiety, panic and stress. You focus on your breath, trying to be conscious of your breath rate and the origin of each breath. During times of stress, anxiety and panic, your breathing becomes short and rapid, originating from the chest area. According to the National Panic and Anxiety Disorder News, one of the most frightening symptoms of a panic attack is the feeling that you cannot get enough air into your lungs. Diaphragmatic breathing can often help to alleviate this feeling. Sit or lie in a comfortable position, placing one hand on your abdomen. Concentrate on taking deep breaths that come from your diaphragm. Slow down your breathing rate, allowing for a slight pause between breaths. Breathe in this manner for several minutes. This technique can be practiced anywhere and at any time you feel short of breath.”

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  19. I know what you mean. Stress seems to be surrounding me lately too. I think the older we get, along with others around us, the more stress we’re exposed to. It’s all about coping, but it can be difficult. My challenge is to not get depressed because of all the sad news surrounding me. One second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. You’ve got the right idea. 😉
    Loved this post!!

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  21. Sometimes life really does seem to pile it on, doesn’t it? And in those times it seems that there is nothing we can do to make things better. All we can do is keep on taking care of ourselves as best we can, and know that these overwhelming times don’t last forever. Things do eventually improve, although it can be really hard to believe that in the midst of all the stress. I sincerely hope things get better for you quickly!

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  22. Meditation – you don’t need the lotus position; perhaps just sit upright on a chair, your hands cupped in your lap. And thoughts – the idea isn’t to stop them, but just let them arise and disappear naturally. Notice them, but don’t hold onto them.

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  24. Sending you a big hug. That can’t be easy, and I hear you. I also really appreciate your honesty! I may be able to help, and provide some different tools that can alleviate some stress. Let me know if you’d like to connect. (This is from my heart. )

    Also, I am sending a blessing for your daughter’s application! That is a big endeavor. Hope it all goes well.

    Have a good week,
    Debbie

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    1. Thank you!! I appreciate your kind thoughts especially as my daughter and all her friends are freaking out! We will take all the blessings we can get!!❤️❤️

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