A few weeks ago I asked the question: Do you tell your partner that they don’t look good? Comments were all over the place. Some thought- no way. Others- yes, but must be done with kindness. Some people said that if an article of clothing didn’t flatter them, or a hairstyle was off, they would want to know.
Today, I want to change the direction of the question just a little: Do you tell your partner that they’ve changed since the first time you met/got together?
Think about it: is your partner the same person that they were when you first met? Physically? Mentally.? Emotionally? Sure, some changes are good: people mature, which is usually a good thing. But….should you say something like the following:
- The gray hair doesn’t suit you
- I don’t like the fact that you’re balding.
- When we first met you were a size 2
- When we first met you had a six pack, and now you just drink a six pack
- You used to be so much fun when we dated
- You used to like dancing
You get the idea. People change. Do we have the right to comment on it? Should we? Do we have an expectation that they will/should change back to the way they were before? Are we still obligated to love someone even though they no longer resemble the person that we married/partnered with?
I know. I’m throwing a lot of questions at you for a slow Tuesday morning. Working under the assumption that you should tell your partner that they don’t look good, is it fair to bring up nature’s inevitable changes? I used to be a size 4 brunette: now I’m a size 10 blonde- should my husband tell me I looked better as a size 4? I mean- let’s get real- I looked much better as a size 4: should it matter? If he doesn’t like the larger version of me, should he tell me to lose weight? Should I care that he thinks I should be thinner? (assuming it’s not a health issue) Should I try to lose weight to please him?
I’m interested in how perspective changes when we alter the hypothesis just a little. When I wrote the last blog, I was fascinated by people’s thoughts on the subject, and I couldn’t help but think a little deeper. I want people to think of it from this angle.
So: what do you think?