My Husband recently read the book “The Subtle Art of not giving a F&*%” . (I did not read the book, so any interpretation I have of this book is through my husband, the accountant)
Husband: You should read this book. It’s got a really interesting perspective. The author says that if you don’t think your partner looks good you should tell them”
Me: Is this guy in a relationship?
Husband: He says it promotes honesty
Me: Maybe honesty doesn’t belong in healthy relationships.
Ok- here’s the thing. I want honesty. I really do. But, I also don’t want to hear that I’ve gained weight, or that a dress doesn’t flatter me.So what does that make me? A hypocrite? Or someone that thinks that the person I love should think I’m beautiful just because they love me?
I know there’s the joke that if someone asks their partner “How do I look?”, the immediate stock response is “Wonderful” but really, shouldn’t you always think your partner looks wonderful, even if they’re in sweats and uncombed hair? Isn’t that part of love, seeing someone at their worst and still thinking they are the best thing ever? It’s easy to love someone when all the pieces are in the right order, when they are at the top of their game so to speak. But if you think of it as a bell curve, your partner is going to be average the majority of the time. You need to love the average. You also need to love that bottom 20%.
Because that’s how to be in a relationship: loving the person 100% even when they’re at 30%. The honesty comes in accepting the worst things that your partner is, being honest about their faults and shortcomings, and loving them anyway. Do you need to point out their flaws? I’m going with no- they probably know what their weaknesses are. Remember: nagging is not a great way to have a strong relationship either. If you can’t accept a persons flaws, you can’t be with that person. See, that’s the thing that crushes relationships- having the expectation that things will be different because your partner will change the exact way you want them to.
You know what else crushes relationships?
Telling your partner that they don’t look good.
So, on that note, tell the person you love that they are beautiful, because if they put up with all your flaws, they are truly the most beautiful person in the world.