You all know me as a fairly organized, logical person who must do things in a certain way or they freak out. And I am- I have a hard time letting things go. You know how I said I would go to University of Chicago if I had to do it all over again? That’s because of the tour guide. My daughter always asks tour guides “If you could change one thing about this school, what would it be?” And our UofC guide said- “See that path over there, the one that overlaps with another? Well if you stand on the center of that intersection and look north, you will see that the building is off center- it should be straight ahead yet it’s not. That drives me crazy.” Now- some of you may be laughing because that is sort of odd and funny- but that exact thing would drive me crazy. In fact, when my gym did a renovation and someone asked me what I thought, the first thing I said was “Well, when you’re going from second floor to first, the tag line isn’t formatted correctly- the words are not symmetrical.” So- you get the idea of how my mind works.
Except when it doesn’t work like that.
Here’s a little window into the wild world that is me: I hate shredding. I mean, I absolutely can’t stand it. But once a day I sit at my desk and shred whatever paper came in that day, or paper that I don’t always need. Well- that always was the plan. But that was before pneumonia. See, a funny thing happened when I had pneumonia- I didn’t shred anything. Four weeks of actively being sick- do you know how much paper comes into a house during four weeks? Especially because my daughter was getting mailings from about a million colleges? I started putting things to be shredded into a bag.
Now- you know the snowball effect? When if you don’t do something the right way from the outset it just keeps building and building and building?
I now have a large shopping bag of paper that needs to be shredded.
And you know how some people hide new things they’ve bought from their partner because they don’t want them to know how much money they’ve spent? Well, I’m extremely upfront about my spending, but this bag full of paper? Yeah- I keep moving it around the apartment. I’m embarrassed to let anyone see my bag of shame. I’ve had nightmares about the bag taking over my house. I was going to take a picture of it for the blog, but I can’t quite face it.
I’m mortified that I’ve let this get so far.
What kind of monster am I to have let this bag of paper take over my life?
I’ve exposed to you another dirty little secret: I am a schredophobic and I don’t know how to get over it…
I know my day of reckoning is coming soon. I know that I’m just going to have to bite the bullet and start shredding, because the bag is becoming so big I will not be able to hide it anymore. I’m trying to think of songs so I can come up with a shredding playlist, because I can’t get through this alone- I need shredding motivation.
Wish me luck. It’s me or the bag. I don’t know who will survive.