Recently, I wrote a post where I stated love should be unconditional. My friend SF (FYI- a conversation with him led me to that particular post) said that the thought of unconditional love was a concept of fairy tales. That in the harsh reality in which we reside, there is no such thing as unconditional love.
Therefore, the question I pose today is: Does unconditional love exist? For the context of this discussion, we are going to think about romantic love between two people. I’ll tackle love of family and friends in a different blog.
I tried (unsuccessfully) to define love, but we’re going to give it a crude definition today: love is having intense feelings for someone. So, if you have intense feelings for someone, are there conditions to it, or does it just exist? Do you not love your partner if they do a, b or c? Do you only love them when they do x, y or z?
I think love should be unconditional. To me, true love is when you see a person’s faults and you still love them, when you accept the person as they stand in front of you, when you don’t expect them to change because you want them to. You acknowledge that your partner has faults and issues, but they are still the person you want to wake up next to. In my personal definition of love, unconditional is key.
That’s theoretical. What about the practical application?
I’m what is often considered an ambivert: I can hold my own in a group, but I prefer being alone or in small gatherings. If one is to be with me, they must accept this fact. If my partner where to get mad at me because I don’t like big parties would this be fair? If it drives my partner crazy that I don’t like parties, and they want me to start liking them “or else”, is this fair? More importantly, if my partner doesn’t like this fact about me, something so intrinsic to my personality, can they actually love me? Do you love someone if you want them to change? Need them to change? If you are putting conditions on the relationship?
Do we marry someone because we “love” them, and then complain about their habits for the rest of our days? Do we constantly taunt them to change their evil, and not so evil ways? Is that the reality of out day to day existence if we are in “love”? Is love, and relationships, a change or else proposition?
Or, if you don’t like certain things about your partner to the point of distraction, do you simply not love them? Are they just a person that you share a bed with?
As we are reasonably far removed from Valentine’s day, I ask the question: Is love conditional or unconditional? And, more to the point: should love be conditional or unconditional?
Is there a difference between love and a relationship?
And off you go….