Soul mates. This concept has always intrigued me, and I have written about it before, but Janie recently wrote about it, so I thought I needed to rethink the issue.
So let’s start with the big question: Do you believe that there is a person out there in the world who is the perfect person for you? For arguments sake, we can also consider the “7 person rule” which is that there are actually 7 perfect people for you in the world.
Do either of these theories make sense? (I know- I’m asking you to think on a northern hemisphere summer day.)
Statistically, one has to bet against the theory of soul mates, because mathematically it just doesn’t add up. If there is one, or even seven people in the world that are perfect matches, what is the chance of finding them? World population is about 7.6 billion. Think about your odds…. So, maybe your soul mate exists, but what are the chances that you will meet them?
Which brings me to my next question: How do you know? How do you know you’ve met your soul mate? Do fireworks go off in the background? Do birds sing and animals frolic around you? Do people spontaneously break into song as you and your soul mate walk down the street?
Let’s go back to the math/science approach for this one: chemistry. No matter how you look at it, two people must have chemistry. Even with friendships, there must be some sort of spark of attraction that unites two people together.
So how do you know the difference between real chemistry and lust?
Yeah- I’m still working on this one too. Because if someone is to be your romantic soulmate, there must be physical attraction. But, if every person you were physically attracted to was your soulmate? You do the math and the logic on that one…
So, the chemistry must have physical properties. What other properties does it need to contain?
Intellectual. There must be intellectual chemistry. You need to be able to talk to your soulmate. You need to want to talk to your soulmate. The goal should be to be excited to go to bed with your partner, and just as excited to wake up to them the next day. You should be thrilled to share the routine details with them, as well as the more thought provoking observations. You shouldn’t need a buffer- you and soulmate should be able to find things to talk about on all levels without anyone or anything else. Now some of you are thinking, how can you always have something to talk about with your significant other? And then I want you to think about what happens when people stop communicating with someone else…
Now how about your heart. Hearts are often used to show love – so if we’re discussing soulmates, we must include hearts. Here’s my theory on the heart: your soulmate must have the ability to make your heart race. A word, a look, anything that literally makes your heart start pounding. Have you ever felt your heart race? The thump thump thump where you see your chest rise and fall, rise and fall? All your senses are engaged- it’s a total body experience! No other feeling compares to the feel of your heart racing because you are with the person you love- no drug, no stimulant is as good as this feeling, this natural high. It makes your whole body shake with excitement.
But then, conversely, your soulmate also makes your heart calm. They have the ability to make you know that no matter what, everything is OK, that they are your safe space. Those simple conversations where the world just fits, like all the pieces of a 1000 piece puzzle are joined together to form the most perfect picture….
So those are my criteria for a soulmate- 1) physical attraction, 2) mental stimulation and 3) they make you feel. (I spent longer thinking of a way to phrase this then I spent on whole blog- would love it if someone came up with a better phrase because making you feel is sort of stupid)
But now to the next part: how many people make you feel all these things simultaneously?
Is there one person who is just a better fit?
Obviously, I would love some audience participation on this one:
- Is there such a thing as a soulmate?
- What constitutes a soulmate?
- How do you know?