Soul mates.  This concept has always intrigued me, and I have written about it before, but Janie recently wrote about it, so I thought I needed to rethink the issue.

So let’s start with the big question: Do you believe that there is a person out there in the world who is the perfect person for you?  For arguments sake, we can also consider the “7 person rule” which is that there are actually 7 perfect people for you in the world.

Do either of these theories make sense?  (I know- I’m asking you to think on a northern hemisphere summer day.)

Statistically, one has to bet against the theory of soul mates, because mathematically it just doesn’t add up.  If there is one, or even seven people in the world that are perfect matches, what is the chance of finding them? World population is about 7.6 billion.  Think about your odds…. So, maybe your soul mate exists, but what are the chances that you will meet them?

Which brings me to my next question: How do you know?  How do you know you’ve met your soul mate?  Do fireworks go off in the background? Do birds sing and animals frolic around you?  Do people spontaneously break into song as you and your soul mate walk down the street?

Let’s go back to the math/science approach for this one: chemistry.  No matter how you look at it, two people must have chemistry.  Even with friendships, there must be some sort of spark of attraction that unites two people together.

So how do you know the difference between real chemistry and lust?

Yeah- I’m still working on this one too.  Because if someone is to be your romantic  soulmate,  there must be physical attraction.  But, if every person you were physically attracted to was your soulmate?  You do the math and the logic on that one…

So, the chemistry must have physical properties.  What other properties does it need to contain?

Intellectual.  There must be intellectual chemistry.   You need to be able to talk to your soulmate.  You need to want to talk to your soulmate. The goal should be to be excited to go to bed with your partner, and just as excited to wake up to them the next day.  You should be thrilled to share the routine details with them, as well as the more thought provoking observations.  You shouldn’t need a buffer- you and soulmate should be able to find things to talk about on all levels without anyone or anything else. Now some of you are thinking, how can you always have something to talk about with your significant other?  And then I want you to think about what happens when people stop communicating with someone else…

Now how about your heart.  Hearts are often used to show love – so if we’re discussing soulmates, we must include hearts.  Here’s my theory on the heart:  your soulmate must have the ability to make your heart race.  A word, a look, anything that literally makes your heart start pounding.  Have you ever felt your heart race?  The thump thump thump where you see your chest rise and fall, rise and fall?  All your senses are engaged- it’s a total body experience! No other feeling compares to the feel of your heart racing because you are with the person you love- no drug, no stimulant is as good as this feeling, this natural high.  It makes your whole body shake with excitement.

But then, conversely, your soulmate also makes your heart calm.  They have the ability to make you know that no matter what, everything is OK, that they are your safe space. Those simple conversations where the world just fits, like all the pieces of a 1000 piece puzzle are joined together to form the most perfect picture….

So those are my criteria for a soulmate- 1) physical attraction, 2) mental stimulation and 3) they make you feel. (I spent longer thinking of a way to phrase this then I spent on whole blog- would love it if someone came up with a better phrase because making you feel is sort of stupid)

But now to the next part: how many people make you feel all these things simultaneously?

Is there one person who is just a better fit?

Obviously, I would love some audience participation on this one:

  1. Is there such a thing as a soulmate?
  2. What constitutes a soulmate?
  3. How do you know?

Discuss….

 

 

69 thoughts on “My One and Only

  1. Whoa… way too deep for my 630AM brain to even manage an answer, but highly thought-provoking. I will be back later to read comments. My gut tells me that the term soulmate is a misnomer. Soulmate sends out images of perfection to me, and I don’t think anyone is that perfect, but that might also be my 1 year post divorce brain talking right now… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. When I jotted this idea down a few weeks ago I wasn’t factoring in summer Monday…..as I was writing it I was thinking, why am I doing this on a day when people will have fried brains….and the soulmate perfection thing is a blog in itself…..

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Not only is it deep but you want me to figure chemistry as well as math and statistics! I do not believe in soul mates, people change over the years and it takes quite a bit to take the changes in stride. Also when you say soul mate people think they will agree on everything and life will be rainbows and unicorns, please we are seriously flawed humans to start with so perfection doesn’t exist nor should it.

        Liked by 3 people

  2. Very thought provoking and I honestly don’t know how to answer this. Do I believe in soul mates? Yeah I think so. I don’t think there is anyone out there who is perfect and is going to be a perfect match for you but I do believe there is someone out there who balances you out in a sense. This probably makes no sense at all lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh my gosh!!! I have not had enough coffee to type out a decent response.

    Yes. I’ve had soulmates in my life, and there is no other ‘feeling’ like it! It wasn’t a ‘love and first sight’ thing, it was spending time with them, and all of a sudden, you don’t want to leave. It begins with the attributes you described, but evolves into so much more.

    Imagine a partially complete jigsaw puzzle laying on a table. You are sifting through the box of pieces just trying to find this one piece, and you think you’ve found it. You lay the piece into the empty gap, and it just fits. Feel the slight snap? That section of the puzzle is now complete. That is a soulmate.

    Once you have finished the puzzle, you don’t leave it laying out forever. I enjoy the mindset of the person who thought of gluing the puzzle, and then framing it, because that’s what you want to do. You want to keep them forever, but I haven’t found that. These people will live in my heart forever, but at some point the puzzle becomes complete, and it’s time to let them go.

    We are changed forever by these souls, and we are still a puzzle, but with less pieces to be complete.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I love the puzzle analogy!! The decision to keep the puzzle in a frame, or move on to the next puzzle.
      The love at first sight thing is also worthy of a blog…does the chemistry have to be instantaneous?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you lovely. xx This is where we get stuck. We want to frame it and keep it, and that is not the purpose of a soulmate for me. Each one that has come into my life has made me better. Where I was weak, they were strong, and vice versa. One taught me about patience, and how to wait really well. Another one taught me what the human body is capable of feeling through intimacy.

        The puzzle comes out of the box in 1,000 pieces, but each soulmate fulfills pieces. Now, I have less pieces, maybe a 50 piece puzzle, thanks to these souls.

        Love at first sight? That is a whole other topic. I love people, and try to be kind to all, but today that is easily misconstrued. If I see a man becoming too friendly, or if he has the balls to ask for my digits, I have two questions right of the bat. ‘Are you married?’ If no, ‘Do you have someone taking up heart space?’ It takes time and effort to win my love.

        On a lighter note, thanks for all the coffee I had to drink this morning to respond! xxx

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Always of help with morning beverages!! I’m really loving the 1000 piece puzzle thing. Really really clever and accurate. And I know exactly what you mean about being misconstrued…you do have to be careful. And I often wonder if the youth of today is going to miss out on things because they’re scared that something will be taken the wrong way

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Emotional connection? How you feel based on emotions? Like, you can argue your differences (parenting/politics etc) but maintain an emotional connection.

    I don’t know. I need a second coffee and less headache to ponder this topic. 😉 This humidity is killing me today.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sorry about humidity!! My problem is, how do you really define emotional connection? And yeah…everyone has differences. How do you communicate about them?
      It’s funny, when I wrote this idea down a few weeks ago I did not realize how emotionally draining it would be to write about it!!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Excellent points! I know my marriage counselor would have a bit to add to your 1) physical attraction, 2) mental stimulation and 3) they make you feel. -but, that’s why we’re paying her, yes? 😀 I think your list works fine.
    My husband told me he felt he could get along in a marriage with anyone. I don’t feel the same. People have a taste, smell, and feel. They have appearances, expressions, and annoying habits. They have stubborn insistences, specific senses of humor, and corners in which they stash their used garbage.
    “Soulmate” by a romantic term does not exist. As a definition of fulfilling that “click” your friend mentioned, those three things you outlined, and the least annoyance to bad habits on the part of both parties -yes it does.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great points. And yes, the romantic notion of a soulmate is the hardest to digest. And I also agree that you can’t get along with just anyone…I think there are actually very few people I could get along with in a daily basis…but it comes down to what works and what doesn’t…

      Liked by 2 people

      1. If only Studly Doright liked to dance, or read something other than golf magazines and motorcycle magazines, he might have been my soul mate. As it is, he’s just a darned good mate.

        Liked by 2 people

  6. LOL My husband’s favorite story is about the day we met. I was actually dating his brother at the time, it was Christmas and he (the brother) took me to meet his family for the first time. My husband tells me that he knew the minute he looked in my eyes and shook my hand that I was “the one” for him. He says he felt something come over him and he had to leave (which he did, rapidly, even though it was his family and it was Christmas!). He said he was just waiting for his brother to mess up the relationship (which he did) and then he was going to step in. I, however, felt none of those things. What I did come to feel (after some initial resistance since I had been disappointed by the relationship with his brother) was that he truly did love me. He made me feel (and still does 36 years later) that I am special. Not to say that the relationship is perfect, but we know that it is a lasting one so it is worth working at. My father used to say that matches were made in heaven and that there was one special one for each of us. Now you tell me there are 7? I think I’m getting too old to find the other 6! How’s that for 8 AM on a Monday?

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Very very wise for a Monday morning. The whole at first sight thing is intriguing and I may have to overanalyze that one!! Makes you feel special. I really think that’s the key to love. They’re the one that makes you feel special…

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Always like ‘how we met ‘stories. Saw my husband at the corner bar. He was good looking and this place had mostly people in their 40s. My friend knew him so I badgeredhim to introduce us(a first for me) We met,he gave me a ride home and tried to talk me into coming to his place. I told him,”flatter me;call me again” and gave him my number(i was coming off a break up).Next morning I tell my roommate about him. Say,”he’s a face,can have anyonehe wants!I’ll never hear from him again.” Well I did hear fromhim again. Its been 32yrs.married😀

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow, this is a deep topic for a Monday morning. Soul mate , hmm.. decided with my best friend of 19 years that we were each others soul mates as we can talk about anything and everything without judgement and have had that sisterly bond since we were little. We are both married have wonderful husbands but ya. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

      1. I agree. I have a girlfriend that we are traveling similar paths. We have been for several years, and she is a soulmate. We love one another unconditionally, and can say anything without judgement. We nudge each other down the path. xx

        Liked by 2 people

  8. Lots to think about here… I actually really like the phrase “They make you feel” in terms of your soul mate, if such a thing exists, being someone to whom you cannot be indifferent. And I don’t think a soul mate is necessarily a romantic partner nor do you necessarily have just one. I think a soul mate is anyone in your life whose existence nourishes your soul in a way you couldn’t quite accomplish on your very own. (As opposed to those people who may be the best people in the world but still drain rather than nourish you.)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Very true that soul mate is not necessarily a romantic partner,but just someone you click with. And I like the way you phrase “someone to whom you can not be indifferent”. That’s actually a great way of thinking about it

      Liked by 2 people

  9. Hmm. That is interesting. I don’t really believe in soul mates but I have met people before who I felt very comfortable with as if I knew them in another life.
    I believe often we chose a partner who completes us because they have some kind of intellectual strength or emotional strength that we lack and by being with them, they complete us.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Funny how I’m often on your wave length, I’m afraid I do NOT believe in soulmates perhaps that’s because I don’t believe in God. Life for me is little more than luck and chance, one day you may be unlucky and just by chance get hit by a bus! HOWEVER I do believe out there in the big bad world exists people who’s personalities fit 100%, they’re both true friends and perfect sexual partners!. They’ll be many individuals out there, you just have to be lucky and bump into one by chance lol. Then again I may be talking out my ass!!! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. My rational part says no way to soul mates. But, there’s this little tiny romantic in me that likes to believe it’s true…though I guess it’s not to romantic, because I’ve already given you the stats…..so chances are you’d never find them, which would be a wee bit depressing…

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I believe in the soulmates.
    You don’t have to be head over heals in love with the person but I have had people I have met in my life (just like the puzzle idea – I really like how she stated it) that were a perfect fit.
    Like I knew them from somewhere else in time and they just showed up at the right moment to help or to be there for me. They so perfectly guided me through the spots in my life that I know now they were or are my soul mates.
    Yes, one or two were was married – but who is to say in the universe of all is possible that is also not possible. One is female.

    Saddly, one was killed in Afghanistan in 2008 and was my combat buddy in Iraq in 2004/2005. I miss him to this day and many times I am reminded that he is still around watching over me. The ask and you shall receive thing works, at least it has a few times when I have asked my combat buddy/soul mate for a favor from the other side and he has delivered within hours! No kidding!!!

    The soul mate I now have is my hubby and canoe partner, he is different from my other soul mates but I knew from the moment he said one phrase to me that we “knew” each other and we were to be traveling together in life until the universe decided one of our numbers was up.

    People are only just passing through our lives, kids, parents, and other souls on their own journey. Sometimes we get very blessed (lucky, or by chance) and get to ride the wave with someone very special that helps us connect the dots on our picture and our journey.
    That is what a soul mate is to me and I have been lucky to have at least 4 in my life.

    It is late here in The Netherlands and the heat is brutal so I am enjoying a nice glass ice sun tea as I am writing this. 🙂

    Nice thought provoking blog piece that has taken my mind off the crap in the world and the crazy crap that our USA commander and chief seems to be saying (sorry…I know you don’t like political stuff…but I couldn’t help being pissed off today and then I read your blog and it helped me refocus on the truly cool stuff in the world!)

    Safe travels –

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good point about meeting your soulmate but not necessarily being able to be with them. So I ask you…is it better to know they are there and not be with them, or wish you didn’t know? Great comments!!

      Like

      1. Ok…that is deep…I want to know what sort of heat stroke you are having in NYC as I think here the weather has been so hot for soooo long that I can’t force myself to think any deeper than I already have. Plus it is after midnight here, if I wasn’t dealing with insurance companies I wouldn’t even be up thinking about things right now. Maybe an answer at some other time… 😦

        Liked by 1 person

  12. I used to believe whole heartily in soul mates, and to a certain extent, I still do, but mine comes from the faith and spiritual perspective. Also, I am not the person I was when I married my husband. I was very insecure, naive, had gone through a few painful relationships before meeting him, and I also had unrealistic expectations on how marriage was to be, using my parents as my model because that’s all I knew, and theirs showed a real companionship and love, but I hadn’t taken into account my husband’s background.

    It’s true it’s hard to distinguish lust from real, true attraction. I really have no answers for you there!

    I’d never heard of the 7 soulmates per person. Very interesting. I do think it’s possible that more than one person one meets in life could be compatible for a life-long relationship. I think it boils down to what you put into that relationship. Having gone through many ups and downs, hardships, pain, and joy in my marriage, I know it takes a heck of a lot of work. 🙂 In any case, intriguing blog subject. Nicely written. I enjoyed reading it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for compliments and very interesting perspective and comments. It’s a good point, how much change and maturing happens in our lives, and how does this effect our partners. Very thought provoking

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Great post! Being a fan of logic and science, as well as a fan of the metaphysical and spiritual, I love how you logically looked at this and broke it down. I believe in us having soul mates or twins flames, not out of any logical or practical reference point, but because I like to believe in it. Is there another soul out there that makes us complete in every way? I have thought I’ve met that person, but have been wrong. The odds seem highly against us meeting that person/soul numerically, but if you believe in destiny, then why not? But shouldn’t we be complete by ourselves? if we are particles of awareness from an all powerful Source, then that would certainly make sense. Why would we need another soul to complete us? Yet there is something appealing to that concept and we always seem to be looking outside of ourselves for answers, don’t we? We certainly find comfort in the ones we love and being “alone” really kind of sucks in a world filled with such uncertainty. I like the concept of “soul contracts.” We have tasks we must complete in relationships. Even if the reason we interact with someone is just to say NO to that person, we have missions to finish, to make ourselves whole. 🙂 “Making you feel” is not a bad expression. To feel is to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very good point about whether or not we actually need someone to complete us. (I had a Very loud discussion with someone about this yesterday) shouldn’t we be complete by ourselves? And where does a partner come in? How do they fit with us? I can’t think of an appropriate metaphor.
      And destiny. Are we destined to meet the right people?
      Thanks!! Great thinking points!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I do believe in soulmates. My husband is one and my former best friend was also. Of course I wasn’t physically attracted to my bff, but we often thought similarly, never ran out of conversation (until we did) and loved being around one another.

    I think we’ve romanticized the idea of a soulmate. Your soulmate can and might include all of the criteria you’ve included and it doesn’t have to always be at the same time. Sometimes my hubby and I sit in silence, but it isn’t uncomfortable and weird. To me, that’s the perfection part. Neither of us HAS to fill the space.

    Also, I did know when I met him that he was who I was supposed to be connected to for a long time. There was a familiarity to it all. I don’t wanna get all woo-woo, but I really felt as if we were in a different life together some time ago. I guess I’ll leave it at that. Yes to soulmate; no to the way we’ve defined and romanticized it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The feeling when you first met. I’ve been thinking of that moment when people know it’s magic. People will say “ I just knew” but what’s that mean? Thanks for making me think just a little bit more and for great comments!!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. I’ve read all the comments before writing my own because I needed the extra time to think about this. I have several thoughts actually.
    What if you met someone who COULD be your soulmate but one of you weren’t quite ready at THAT moment so he/she slipped away. But you always think “what if”?
    What about when you are in a “perfect” relationship until its not perfect anymore. My ex is still my best friend, but I will never be with him again. And there’s many a time that I’m not even sure I even like him anymore. I’ll always love him though.
    I have several people in my life at the moment who are friendly, but I wouldn’t say they’re soulmates. I’ve been so hurt by life that I’m not willing to let anyone get that close again. So does that mean I’m not going to get my soulmate in this life? I know that somewhere, sometime, there might be someone I would always want to be with, but it could be I need to wait until the next life journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh…now you’re asking me the deep questions. I was thinking about that before, what if you have met your soulmate, but circumstances prevented you from being together…what happens then? But honestly, one day you will heal, and you will be able to think about relationships, but you will go into them with open eyes

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I met my current husband when I was married to my previous hubs. I was camping and had a 3 year old and 3 month old on my hip and he now says that the moment he saw me he thought “Why can’t I meet a woman like that?” YEARS later we connected after our first marriages failed. Soulmates? I like to think so. Life after love for sure…..

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I don’t know that there is a magic formula for figuring out who your soulmate is. I also don’t think a soulmate is just relegated to the romantic kind, either. I have a soulmate of a friend who was also the matron of honor at the wedding of me and my other soulmate, my husband. My husband and I fell in love with each other on our first date. I know that’s rare, but we just both knew each other was it. My friend soulmate was born and raised in Nigeria, a continent and world away. Yet we also knew we were soulmates as well.

    I think you just know when a person walks into your life. I think just being in their presence makes you want to be a more authentic you.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Soulmates…Yeah, I think I’ve had one. He was the first man I ever really loved and had all of that with. He was smart, funny, made me happy and angry, and was sexy as hell. He was everything. But, we were kids when we met and that was part of the issue. I never got to tell him how much he was to me and then he was gone.
    I got married, and I thought he was the one. Maybe not soulmate, but I loved him. But, we were young adults, and as much older adults now, we realize that is not the case. Now, we’re going through a divorce. I’m not sure if there is anyone left out there for me.
    Either way, I do believe that there are soulmates, but it’s not the overplayed, perfectly romantic, sunrise and beaches type of thing everyone pictures.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The romantic notion of a soulmate is a bit of a fallacy, but hope springs eternal….I’m starting to wonder if people actually end up with their soulmates, or if you don’t realize it till it’s too late…

      Liked by 1 person

  19. I didn’t know how to answer this one so I saved this post for later. Now I think I’m ready to approach it, although I still don’t think I have the answer.
    When I was young, grade-school young, there was a boy I was crazy about. Eventually we became best friends and then boyfriend and girlfriend. I was incredibly attracted to him physically, and I thought he was my soulmate. But he went away to boarding school and eventually we broke up. I was crushed. I didn’t think I would ever feel the same way about any man ever again. Even though we weren’t together anymore, we still saw each other while we were with other people, or single, or whatever. (Pathetic, I know. I was young and a very different person then.) By this time I was in my early to mid 20’s. At some point I realized that our relationship was toxic. If he really loved me he would marry me, right? So as hard as it was one day I decided I would not answer my phone if he called. And I didn’t. I cried when I saw his name on the caller ID, but I didn’t answer the phone. I prayed to God to help me to get him out of my life.
    And then a few months later it happened. Through a mutual friend I met my now husband of 24 years (in September). If my husband isn’t my soul mate, I don’t know who is!! He’s my best friend. I can’t wait to see him every day. I can’t wait to talk to him. We can be together day and night and we never get tired of being in each other’s company. He’s always kind and gentle with me. I feel like he was made just for me. But you know what? Although I was always physically attracted to him, our love has grown so much richer and deeper with time. Aging has drawn us closer together. We appreciate each other more and try to value whatever precious time we have left together because we both know that life is short and unpredictable. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. So I’m not sure if he was already my soul mate, or if we became soul mates over time after life shaped us and molded us and beat us down. Whatever the case, I know that my first boyfriend could never have measured up to the man I’m married to now. Not in faith, in love, or in endurance. And I know that I’m fortunate to have found someone like him for however long we have together.

    Thank you for this thought-provoking post. ( :

    Liked by 1 person

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