In early June, Husband went on a “boy’s trip” to the Bahamas to celebrate his and his friends 50th birthdays.  (Yes- he’s 4 1/2 years younger- just call me Cougar…) Now to be obvious, if he is away for six days, I am home with my daughter and the pets for six days.  Now, some people don’t like being the one stuck at home while the other is off having fun.  Some people miss having their partner around to help with the household stuff.

I am not one of those people.

For the most part, things run smoothly around my house on any given day.  They run even more smoothly when Husband is away.  He has this annoying habit of coming home from work, putting papers on the dining room table, his work clothes on my desk, and leaving his keys in one spot and his sunglasses somewhere else. (FYI- we have a key bowl on the console when you walk into the apartment) When he’s away I spend zero hours looking for things he has misplaced.  This is a good thing.

As my daughter is 16, she is fairly self sufficient.  She is also very busy.  I normally don’t see her much during the week: her post school hours are filled with homework, activities and her tutoring job.  On the weekends our goal is to spend some sort of quality time together- but as it happens- that was not to be that particular weekend.  She had end of year exams to contend with, as well as a concert and a birthday lunch for a friend. I was completely free.

At first, the thought of a completely family free weekend was daunting.  What would I do?  I knew I had a luncheon on Saturday, so my afternoon would be taken up.  And Sunday I wanted to head to the Botanic Garden for rose weekend.  But, I don’t usually go to rose weekend by myself: I normally go with Husband and/or daughter.  Should I go alone?  Should I ask a friend?

I ended up going alone.  I rode the train to the botanic garden stop by myself, reading a book as the areas of the Bronx whizzed by the window.  I do a lot of things by myself, so I didn’t understand why this particular trip felt different, yet it did.  I felt slightly self conscious as I stood on line to buy my ticket to enter the garden and I saw that everyone else was in duos or trios.  I took my map and solo navigated the areas I wanted to look at, checking the what’s in bloom section. And I set off to the rose garden.

I felt a bit lonely: for about 10 seconds.  As soon as I took my camera out of my cross body bag and strapped my camera around my neck I relaxed.  I started taking pictures of all the gorgeous foliage, and I was lost in my own world.  Turns out, the botanic garden is the perfect place to go by yourself.  Even though it was an overcast/drizzly sort of day, I spent far more time at the garden than I do when I am with my family.

I was alone, but I wasn’t lonely.  I was happy.

What’s the point, you ask?

It’s nice to be with someone, and to enjoy another’s company, but you need to be happy by yourself.  You need to be able to stand your own company without a buffer.  You don’t always need to be surrounded by others to have a good time.

So…spend some time by yourself.  You are worth it.

80 thoughts on “Alone Again, Naturally”

  2. I do all sorts of things alone. Travel, in particular, is wonderful to do on your own.

    People talk about how they think everyone will be looking at them and thinking they’re weird for being at events/restaurants/movies/etc alone, but people have more on their minds than what that one person is doing by themselves over there. Being on your own for a movie or a meal at a restaurant is not the terrible thing that society makes it out to be.

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    1. That’s exactly right! No one is paying as much attention to you as you think they are. I know I don’t notice people who are alone, unless they’re wearing trench coats and I don’t see pants…. we’re all too self conscious.

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  3. Love this! The hubby and I are one of those couples who love to do everything together. He is currently deployed overseas with the military and has been gone since March. At first I was so lonely ..the emptiness and silence of the house was deafening at first. However, as time has passed, I’m learning to enjoy my own company …heck, I even went to a restaurant recently and had dinner alone! Granted I miss him like crazy and can’t wait for his return, but it’s been nice ‘getting to know myself’ again …and I kind of really like her! 🙂

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    1. Exactly! I have a friend who was a military spouse, and same thing, he was away for long stretches at a time. But she is self sufficient and found things she loves to do!! Yay us!!

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  4. Time alone helps me appreciate the people in my life even more when we are together. When you do something solo you get to move at your own pace, and stop when and where you wish without needing to discuss it and adapt to another person.

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  5. I had one fine 3 day week end like this. Husband worked out of town. Son went to friends house for week end. I almost dared not to breathe till they were gone. I had some chardonay. I washed clothes and in was no hurry to finish. I read w/o someone saying,”what you reading?” IT WAS WONDERFUL!

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  6. I have no problem being by myself. I like my own company. If you don’t like spending time with yourself why would others. Everyone needs alone time and time to enjoy things that they like that may or may not appeal to others in their lives.

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  10. I crave my alone time!

    The BF has to have talk. Chatter about politics. About this actor or that director. About the flawed history of mankind. About anything under the sun. He. Can’t. Be. Quiet.

    It’s almost as if silence is a bitter enemy, and he must do battle against it at all times.

    So when he’s away for the day, I get to welcome the silence, which I see as an old, comfortable blanket.

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    1. We were at a baseball game yesterday ….husband didn’t shut up! I was like for the love of all things baseball, please be quiet ( and I’m really talkative…so you can imagine)

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  11. I call them “Artist dates” and don’t go on them as frequently as I should. My hubby had to spend extended periods of time in Oregon a few years ago to take care of his mom and I LOVED those weeks of being alone. I was actually able to lose about 30 pounds since I didn’t have to worry about anyone else for meals. Since he has not had to travel I’ve put back half of that. Time to take care of myself again whether he’s here or not!

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  12. Same.

    I’m on the fence about joining them for the annual camping trip in August, or stay home and regenerate my batteries alone. Both have perks (well, the camping isn’t my favorite thing, you know what with all the bugs…). But I know what you mean about it being different when you’re alone and they’re gone for a long time as opposed to the regular few hours you’re used to.

    I love my alone time during the school/work day. Maybe because it has a finite time and is punctuated by things I do for the family (meal prep, sports planning). When they’re gone for several days in a row, the only person I’m responsible for is myself…and it’s weird. Takes getting used to. And frankly, after a couple of days, I have had enough and want them back.

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    1. Oh, stay home! If only for the lack of bugs! And I think we all need to recharge out batteries. Mom is really a 24/7 job no matter what people say! And yes…you will actually like them again if you don’t see them for a bit!!

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  13. Sounds lovely. I remember once while working for the Assessor’s Dept. in Manhattan, I landed in an area of the Bronx which was beautiful. Perhaps this was it. I parked my car and the area was full of Italian people drinking coffee outside. One of the men told me not to worry and that I was in a safe area with my car. I was about 26 at the time and a little anxious as I was lost but it was a lovely area and I want to show it to my husband one day to prove the City of New York is very diverse and not just city streets. I also enjoy being alone in my house sometimes as I get lots of creative writing done. My husband likes watching sports, so I put head phones on to write. I wish I were there to tour with you. I don’t mind going to places alone. It is what I did often my year teaching in the Middle East in 2011 as I couldn’t find anybody who wanted to see some of the same sights with the same time. My husband at home encouraged me to go alone to visit Oman for Christmas after a teacher friend cancelled, so I did. I loved it!

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  16. I absolutely LOVE spending time by myself- a classic introvert perhaps? I will go anywhere solo: movies, theatre, beach walk, dinner, travel, even a dance party. I live alone too, have for years. And you know why? Partly because when I was 24 or 25, breaking up with yet-another live-in boyfriend, I realised I was terrified of living alone or being alone! So I faced that fear, and bloody loved it… well done for having a ‘date’ with yourself, and enjoying the gift of some alone time 🙂 G in Australia

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    1. Xoxo! I think too many people think they must have someone in their life, or that there is something wrong with them! And people really do feel they will be judged if they’re “alone”. I mean really, who cares!!!❤️😀

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  20. I don’t mind when hubby goes away either, the house stays tidy. 🙂
    I can also go to places he doesn’t like going to, time on my own helps me reconnect with who I am, does that sound a bit new age/hippy? 🙂

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  22. I have found myself alone more than I would have ever liked.Or so I thought. I now love it and Monday is bliss for me . Everyone is back to work or school !! I have always enjoyed hubbie going away though. 😉😉. He has so many annoying habits !!

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    1. Omg….seriously. Why my husband gets undressed and leaves his clothes on my desk is beyond me!! Seriously? Why are there pants on my chair?

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  23. I’m a lonely only with a husband who has travelled extensively for work. I enjoy alone time, never feeling like there’s anything wrong with doing things by yourself. This sounds great or weird, depending on your point of view, I suppose. Where are your photos of what you saw at the botanical garden?!! Would love to get a glimpse into what you saw there.

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  24. I love my husband dearly, but sometimes I enjoy it when he’s gone for a day or two. It gives me a chance to focus on me, and to do things a little differently. Solitude is something I enjoy now and then. And the best part is, I’m always glad when he returns!

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  27. Completely agree! I like when my husband finds a reason to go out of town – it doesn’t happen often. I’m usually the traveler. I don’t mind my solo travels, but having the house to myself is extra special!

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  30. I first lived alone aged 51 & I was terribly nervous about it … only to find that I absolutely loved it. I spent 3 very happy years living alone. Now I’m happily coupled up & living with my boyfriend, I look back at those days with a degree of wistfulness. I do miss alone time. I love reading without interruption. I adore eating what I like when I like. I actually now think that living together is far harder to do than living alone – all that compromising, you really have to love ’em to do it.

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  32. I had that a few weeks ago. My husband was at work, my daughter and son were with friends and I was… alone. In my home. With the air on and and blessed cups of coffee and shortbread while watching Call the Midwife. HEAVEN. Last week everyone was back in full throttle, including the dog who could not go out on a leash because she houdoggied her way out of her collar. I was a stress case. Correlation????

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    1. Exactly!! It’s nice to be able to do whatever we want, just for a little while. We don’t love anyone less, we just need to love ourselves too.

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      1. I want companionship I want unconditional love. I haven’t met anyone. I tried online dating, but you have to be very careful who you take up with. If there is no chemistry form the start, I won’t give the guy a chance. I’m not picky, but I have to be attracted to the man.

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      2. I get the chemistry thing…but you do have to give someone a chance. I know about 3 people who have had chemistry in the beginning, and about 300x more people who have had happy relationships but had no initial chemistry. You need to decide what’s more important, live at first sight or a relationship

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