Being out of commission for three weeks gave me a wake up call as to taking better care of myself.  It also gave me a wake up call as to how my family could drive me crazy.

I know I push myself.  My family makes it real easy to push myself.  On the first Saturday that I was sick, before I knew how sick I was, we had tickets to see a Broadway show with friends of ours.  We were supposed to have dinner before.  The day before I told him that I would go to the show, but I was going to skip dinner so I could rest a little more.  He was idiot about this.  I won’t even discuss what he wrote, but we’ll leave it at guilt trip.  So I went to dinner, feeling like crap.  Here’s the next secret:  I am not soon forgetting my Husband’s attitude.  I’m not blaming him for my going: that’s on me.  But…

I was also not happy with his take on doing household chores.  I told him he needed to wash the towels and robes.  All of a sudden he forgot what a robe looked like.  And he threw a hissy fit when he couldn’t “find” the robes- he needed help.  You know, cause the robes hanging on the wall behind the bathroom door were hiding.  He practically stamped his feet.

And my daughter.  She was not an innocent in this charade.  When I asked her to feed the pets I got ‘Oh, the smell makes me nauseous.”  We use dry food…what smell?

And the apartment.

OMG the state they left the apartment in.

And then they complained I was making the mess.  I spent the better part of the week on the couch.  i didn’t leave piles of clothes on the floor.  I didn’t leave my husbands new shoes in the front hallway.  I didn’t leave glasses on literally every flat surface in the apartment.  I washed my soup bowl and spoon and tea mug.  I slept and took medicine. They just left crockery everywhere.

In the mornings, even if I was awake, I pretended to be asleep so they wouldn’t ask me questions.  I didn’t want to disclose the location of keys and water bottles and tennis rackets.  I didn’t want to answer stupid questions.  I didn’t want to walk the dog.  The upside is, they let me sleep.

I’m not going to forget their behavior.  I might not forgive them either.  They were more horrible than they were helpful.  But I realized that I was responsible for their lack of responsibility.  So this is another change that I have to work on: getting them to take responsibility for the home.  I shouldn’t have to ask for help: they should be doing things because this is part of the home we share.  Plates should be left in the sink, or better yet washed.  Garbage should just be thrown out when you see it’s full.  Replace the toilet paper roll.  Seriously.  Just put the roll on the little spinny thing.

It’s funny that I’m writing this today, as my Husband just left for a boys trip to celebrate him and his friend turning 50.  And I can guarantee you that dished will be put away and clothes will not be piled on the floor.  But I do plan on going away for a few days so that my family can fend for itself…

45 thoughts on “The Weeks I Didn’t Love My Family

  1. The downside if working from home is that I have expectations how I need/want the place to look. They don’t need it the same way, often leave for the day, and it doesn’t bother them when they are home. (My kids are still children so there’s that)….so I hear you. It’s about standards. Your two would not care if the robes are washed or not. You do care. Like me…after x weeks sheets will be changes, I don’t care how inconvenient it is to them. It’s inconvenient to me (also gross) when sheets don’t get washed after so much time.

    Try to let it go….I hang on to stuff like this and let it fester and they simply don’t understand. Training is everything…. I’m the one who will drag a kid out of a departing car or off the couch bec he left his shit for me to trip over. They blame me for making them late….

    But it’s trivial. Especially when you’re the one who’s sick. Let go the robe thing this one time because it’s past and realize it was just one of those things. (Robe being one example only). Then focus on your health (it’s back!) and things being back to (your) normal.

    But I hear you. 🙄🙃☕

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I know. It’s so hard to let some things go! And really, I wAnted the towels washed cause I wanted clean towels for myself!! And every time I open the fridge I want to scream because it’s so disorganized!! Xo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I SO understand this! I am sorry you had to see that. I could go on and on. 30 years of wondering, ‘Why do I have to TELL you what needs to be done? Don’t we live in the same place?’ I have gone ‘on strike’ in regards to things over the years. Hell, I quit washing my husbands laundry for so long, I don’t even know where he puts most of his clothes! lol These are just the little things and they can build up over time. The bottom line, they make me feel that I am not important enough to remember all that I do for them. I don’t want huge thanks or congrats! Just a bit of appreciation. I was left to manage pneumonia on my own and can relate. A trip for yourself is an outstanding idea! You do, however, have to tell them why you’re heading out on your own. They won’t have a clue unless you do.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I grew up in a family where an underlying message was “thinking ahead of other people’s needs in the home = love”. So if we didn’t replace the empty toilet paper roll, we didn’t love our family. If we didn’t wash the dishes properly, we didn’t love our family. And so on. My husband grew up in a home of hoarders and in a lifestyle where keeping a can of raid next to your sofa to kill the cockroaches climbing up the wall was totally normal. We are both steadily working towards a balance of household tasks. I’ve learned to let some things go and he’s accepted that the path of least resistance is to remember to clean the counter tops with hot soapy water.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. It sounds like it’s time for a Come to Jesus meeting at your house. I have found that leaving things undone in the hopes that another family member will take care of it doesn’t work too well. My need for order kicks in way before they get the hint to clean things up themselves. But to expect that a sick person is “supposed” to continue all her “duties” while two able bodied people don’t pitch in would put me over the edge for sure. Good luck.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I had an injury and surgery 2 months ago that kept me trapped in the house for a month, dependent on my family. I know they (pretty much) tried to be there for me in their own ways, but I was very frustrated and resentful at times. It seems the more dependent I am on them, the less they can get it right!
    And I just want to say I love the title of your site. After I turned 50 it did feel like I woke up to a new reality.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I got the idea for the title because all of a sudden, you turn 50 and it takes you 20 minutes to get out of bed because your body just creeks!! And yes… I understand the resentment!!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I went to dc about five years ago because I drove my daughter and friends to a workshop. I stayed with one of my friends while they were there. My husband called to ask how to turn on the dishwasher…

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I love this. It reminded me of a comment my husband made when we first moved in together “I did the dishes for you” he said beaming with pride. What the? I said sorry, hate to be an ingrate but you should have said I finally did the dishes. Further these are not mine they are ours. Plus when you commit to dishes you do the stove and counters. You don’t see me leaving the stove a hot mess and walking out. His smile turned to a frown, but he got the message. We share chores.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. YAY! I have the same issues here (minus the husband who used to be the same way as yours). It makes me crazy these days. Maybe it’s the weather or the fact that it’s summer so there’s no excuse why they can’t help or just pick up their stuff. I’m with you!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Mine are exactly the same when I go away and they argue over it too blaming eachother. I had a month in the UK with my youngest. Miss 24 and Mr 44 were messaging me at the mess eachother was leaving. I was just joking with them before I read this on how they will cope when I go to Singapore for a long weekend in August. “Paarrtaayy” they joked in unison. “Messsss! ” I thought !!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I used to call my husband and step daughter my tornados. During the week when they or my husband aren’t there the house is great. On the weekend it looks like a tornado went through. They are getting better though.

    Like

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