In February, A Utah elementary school told its students that they were not allowed to say “No” to anyone asking them to the Valentine’s Dance.

The school later overturned this decision due to parental complaints.

Ya think?

Telling girls and boys that they must say “YES” to a someone because the asker might feel bad if declined?

Seriously?

Let me let you in on a secret. You don’t have to like everyone just because everything in our society includes a like button. (FYI- you still must like my posts, because I exist outside of these boundaries)

Think back to my post yesterday. I discussed how some parents try to pave the way for their child so that the child has no set backs or disappointments.  This dance thing- this is what happens when you try to clear the path: ridiculous rules meant to save a child from suffering.

Does anyone really think this is the right path?

The problem is, we’re focusing on the wrong issues.  Yes, we want our children to feel good about themselves, but there are better ways to do that.  Think about the ramifications that a “must say yes” mentality has?  Besides the fact that it is not realistic at all.

Instead of making children “like” one another, why don’t we focus on being kind to one another.  Kind.  That’s a concept that our children should be taught.  Be a kind person.

How about respect.  Teach your child to be respectful to those around them, whether they are teachers, or students or anyone.  Tell them to respect the ideas of others whether or not you agree with them.  Tell them to stop the shaming, and the eye rolling and the trolling.

We have a generation of children raised on everyone gets a trophy, and everyone must be invited to everything.

How’s that working out?

Instead of worrying that someone might not feel confident if they are told no, let’s work in building self esteem the proper way.  Work hard, do the best you can, finish a task once it’s started.

Let’s work on teaching children to be kind to others.  This doesn’t mean they have to like everyone.  It just means that they treat them with dignity.  Let’s teach our kids to be respectful of others.  Again, not like, but accept.

And remember the most important thing: learn to like yourself.  Teach your children to like their quirks, their strengths and their weaknesses.  Because that ‘s the person to like: yourself.

 

60 thoughts on “Say “Yes” to the…”

  8. LA,

    Being told that you CAN’T say no . . it is incomprehensible. ESPECIALLY in an age when we are inundated with horrible examples of men who took everything to mean yes!

    This is a shame.

    Liked by 3 people

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  10. What’s the point of even asking a question when the answer is already decided? Parents can sometimes go too far and wanting to protect their kids from suffering, but I’m so glad they are down the side of reason this time and raised hell.

    There was this kid in middle school who was obsessed with me, followed me everywhere until my guy friend’s threatened to kick his ass. He would be loved a fucked up dance like this. How did this idea even reach the light of day??

    Liked by 3 people

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  12. Yikes! I understand the thought behind this (who wants to see your child be rejected?) but holy cow! Life is full of rejection. The important lessons are how to respond to rejection and, of course, how to say “no” kindly” (at least when kindness is warranted – sometimes it’s more important to be firm and forceful).

    Liked by 3 people

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  13. So crazy!! I just don’t get it. What are we doing to our kids today?
    Did you know that they are saying the reason that shooter shot up that one classroom in Texas was because a girl the week before had said No to going out with him. She was the first one killed.
    Was this teen never said “No” to before??
    Being turned down is a part of life. You are going to get turned down for dates, for jobs, for promotions, for the house you want to buy. and the list goes on. As you said, the key is learning to love yourself! Once you love yourself, you learn to carry on in spite of the “No’s!

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  15. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

    As a whole, I think it’s insane that kids in 6th grade should even be worried about Valentine’s day dances or dating, especially when it’s being promoted by school.

    I don’t want my kids to even think about boyfriends or girlfriends at that age. I already hear people making comments about BFs and GFs and my kids are 3 & 5. It’s just weird and gross. It’s also unecessary and creates a toxic environment especially in schools.

    The last thing I want is for my daughter to be prioritizing on how to get more attention from boys. Focus on yourself and loving yourself before you can love someone else will be my message to all of my kids both boy and girl.

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    1. Preaching to the choir!! Why can’t kids learn who they are and what the6 like? What’s wrong with going to school to learn and figure out what’s in the world!! Wait….there’s a blog post in my future that yet again touches this topic!!

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  17. You write, “We have a generation of children raised on everyone gets a trophy” — fair enough…but we also have a generation class room captured by zero tolerance…which means many kids get a “jacket,”… as in criminal.

    As an aside, but marginally to your point, I’m curious about how the cosmopolitan centers of our country are going to jungle gym Steven Brill’s new book, Tailspin.

    Liked by 2 people

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  19. What about teaching our kids to follow their intuition or to follow their gut feeling. If they dont get a good feeling from that person they shouldn’t have to say yes. If their gut tells them not to say yes they should be able to say no. This is what came to me first and foremost. We are missing what is important. Trust your gut.

    Liked by 3 people

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  20. I hadn’t heard about this. I’m so glad it was overturned. Great post. Great advice, “like yourself first.” And of course, your post gets a like from me. 😁

    Liked by 3 people

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  21. Well, I did click that little ‘like’ button, but that was because I liked the post, and not because you told me to 😛

    That was a silly idea they had – what would have happened if several persons asked the same person to the dance? A group-date?

    Liked by 2 people

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  22. This is the entitlement generation. As kids I never expected to get anything without working hard, and without disappointments along the way. That’s life. If kids are not taught that, they’re going to be in for a rude awakening later on when life gives them lemons and they’re stumped. And I agree with the other things you said.

    Liked by 4 people

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  23. I agree, telling kids they have to say yes to a dance invitation is absurd, and teaches all the wrong things. When my children were young, I simply told them to be nice to others. That meant it was okay to turn down an invitation as long as you did it kindly. Our only rule regarding dances was if you accepted an invitation, then you had to keep it. No changing your mind if someone you liked better asked you later, because that is hurtful.
    I think there is only so much hurt we can shield our kids from, and a better way is to teach them to deal with the hurt life will throw their way from time to time, and to let them know that they always have your love and support.

    Liked by 3 people

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  27. When will it end…
    This is worse than participation awards.
    I don’t understand why educators can’t understand the concept that the real world does not work like that and sending this message of entitlement is a recipe for disaster.

    Liked by 1 person

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      1. I’d like to see a school tell me my elementary-aged child HAS to say yes to taking someone to a Valentine’s day dance. Why would this even be a discussion? It’s absurd to me that anyone would get behind the idea that young children inviting each other to a V-day dance like a “date”, let alone HAVE to say yes. Does no one have any sense anymore? Sigh…I just turned 49 (damn near the wrong side of 50) and I just shake my head at the nonsense that goes on.

        Like

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