Money.  If I had to venture a very uneducated guess, I would say that money was the cause  of most relationship issues.  People have different ideas on money: how much is enough, how should it be spent, how much should be spent.  It’s also a somewhat delicate matter to talk about.  Some people view it as a status symbol, other as a tool of power.  This is why it can wreak havoc in a relationship.

My Husband and I are actually pretty good at the discussing money thing.  We are both a little to the economic (cheap) side and we don’t go for showy things.  Our apartment could be considered less than modest, and the contents of our home are bought for practicality purposes.  We occasionally splurge, but for the most part, we are in total agreement on how our money is divvied out.  This is never a source of an argument.

We also have a formula as to how much money we save and how much we spend.  We came up with this number together, and we’re both ok with that.  Our rainy day money is kept in a low interest yet relatively safe fund, because we both think that money should be liquid in case we need it.

But then there is retirement money, the money really put away for the future.  Now, while we agree as to the percentage amount put away every month, I don’t help my husband invest those funds, now does he help me invest mine.  We take responsibility for our own accounts.

My husband would like to change the way we do this.

He wants me to figure out how to invest his money.

I don’t actually know if I want to do this.

Background: I was a bond analyst back in the day.  I had all sorts of licenses, and had passed all sorts of tests.  I have vague ideas about how to handle money.  But honestly, I used to read all sorts of newspapers and articles about investments.  I used to be way more involved with current events.  While I still read these things, they are no longer the cornerstone of my life: I simply don’t care enough to do much research.

Here’s the thing:  my husband and I use a financial planner.  We meet a few times a year, he discusses what his firm sees as the strategies that one should think about, and we decide how to invest our retirement funds.  My husband and I are in the exact same meeting.  We hear the same exact things.  Yet….

My investments end up making more my husband.

How does this happen?  Is it skill?  Or is it luck?  See, I don’t actually know.  Maybe, after years of working in finance, I have some sort of knack as to what’s happening.  But that’s a really big maybe.  I think I have a little bit of smarts, but a whole bunch of luck.

Do I really want to be responsible for investing what can be considered “his” money?  Technically, we consider it “our” money, so why am I so hesitant to take control of his portfolio?

Why does life get so complicated over seemingly simple things?

Rationally, I know this is a “good” problem.  I know it’s a good thing to have money to invest for retirement.  But, I also know how money issues can bring trouble into a seemingly strong foundation.  I know how money tears people apart.  What if I invest his money and the money underperforms?  I can’t duplicate what’s in my portfolio: allocating funds the exact same way is just poor planning, sort of a too may eggs in one basket sort of scenario.  Can I come up with two planning strategies that will make good use of our money?

So I’m hesitating.  I’m not known for being a hesitate sort of gal: I’m an action girl.  But I am just not sure what to do….So in characteristic fashion, I’m overthinking.  But in uncharacteristic fashion, I’m not coming up with an action plan.  So in this moment in time, you see me like a deer caught in the headlights:  I don’t know what to do…

And I know I will come up with a decision (eventually)…but for now….yuck.

 

 

36 thoughts on “$$$$”

  1. Oh golly that’s a difficult one … but the fact that you’re both so organised … all credit (excuse the pun) to you. I’m no financial wiz so I wouldn’t like to suggest anything remotely helpful except to explain how you feel to your husband and your worries. Good luck – would love to know the outcome! Katie

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    1. Ahhh….but which ones…..see….that’s the thing….we do funds….individual stocks are a suckers bet unless you’re investing much more that we have….index funds are somewhat safe, but should retirement fundsbe a bit more risky, since more time to recoup funds?

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      1. It does depend on your timeline for sure. I’ve read so much about index funds vs. managed funds (with all the fees – both from the funds themselves and whatever your financial advisor charges) and almost always, again, over time, the index funds do better. There is some really good information about how to construct an index fund portfolio so that it mirrors several different markets. Anyway, good luck with your dilemma.

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      2. Thanks. My husband also works for a bank. He’s limited to what he’s allowed to invest in. And honestly, he wants a bigger return on his capital. Which is why I don’t want to be involved….😉

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      3. I don’t normally read all the comments (I’m lazy), but I’m glad I did this time. As I was reading your post, I was thinking that it shouldn’t be a problem coming up with two slightly different strategies. But if he wants to be more aggressive, then I don’t blame you for backing away. There are way too many things that can go wrong. – Marty

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  4. I wonder if you “took a break” from thinking about this the answer would come to you. Perhaps you’re too much up to your ass in it and can’t see the forest for the tress. (mixed metaphor, but I think you get me) When I’m in obsess mode it feels like the only way out is through, but I’ve found that walking away for a bit oftentimes allows the answer to come naturally.
    It’s a tricky decision in an excellent situation.
    Bonne chance!

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  5. We use a financial planner too, who invests our different accounts and goes over things with us 2 or 3 times a year. My husband would make himself crazy if he even saw the quarterly statements so I just let it ride. I come from a family of stock brokers and at one insane moment in time almost chose to go into finance as a career. Back away, you seem to have a balanced approach, your portfolio could go down next quarter and his up.

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  6. I can’t really comment here, we both have our retirement savings invested in stocks and shares. We did it with the help of an adviser, hubby’s has lost a little and mine a little more than his in the past few months, the adviser told us it was due to Brexit. I will hold my hands up and say I really have no idea about these things. I would happily have left my savings in an ordinary account, but was talked into moving it.

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  7. Not a problem, if nothing else comes to mind in 72 hours, show him this blog and tell him that you you would rather he handled his own for various reasons. End of discussion, not a problem I suspect

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  8. No matter how confident I am with investing I am always filled with doubt. There’s always the feeling of “I could have had more” or “why did I get greedy and lose what I gained”. I think allowing people to invest their own retirement savings is such a gamble many people should not have to be put in the position to do so.

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    1. Exactly!! You’re always second guessing. Too risky, not enough risk…bonds, stocks….I’m ok with my own retirement fund, but even though it’s my husband, I still feel weird. Hate it.

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  9. Hubby leaves all the financial decisions up to me because he had such poor credit history when he was single. I, of course, let him know what’s going on but sometimes I wonder what would happen if something happened to me. He’d have no clue. We have an adviser our bank that we trust.

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  10. In my relationship I do all investing. Im responsible for macro while wife is micro. I feel like the decisions I make will have a much larger impact and carry the stress of that. My wife has different stress where she agonizing over lots and lots of small decisions which are just as importsnt. Fortunately for us we’re both decent with money and our strengths allow us to work separately will same goal in mind, to put kids through college and retire while I’m young enough to be able to enjoy it and do stuff.

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    1. We have same goal. College and retire with time to enjoy. I’m sort of a control freak so I tend to have my hands in all the pies, but my husband physically pays the bills cause I hate that…

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  11. ummmm… sticky. My husband and I have naturally divided roles, he scored the money bit (an accountant) I am happy that he does this because it is boring but necessary. The price I pay is no comment if things do not perform. I say if it is not broke don’t fix it. Good problem to have aye.

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  12. My husband has a MBA and all those licenses too. I think it is often luck remembering my mom picking the name of the horse that sounded good or lucky to her at the track and my brother and dad meandering over their charts and the odds. More likely than not, she won.

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