Sorry.  This is going to be a bit of a rant, but something irked me and I have to complain write about it.

A few weeks ago, Husband and I were at dinner with friends.  My daughter was coming home from her tennis match (the parent who drove parks his car near the restaurant) and she saw us through the window, so she came in to say “Hi”.  As this was about 7pm on a Saturday, our couple friends asked what she was doing that night, to which she responded “homework”.

To make this clear, my kid is an avid studier and not so avid partier.  That’s just who she is.  Grades and extracurricular are much more important to her, and she has surrounded herself with friends who feel the same way.

Well, S asked her where the boyfriend was. (I think you all remember my blog about this particular topic) And she said that a significant other isn’t even a thought in her mind, that she’s just not interested.

When she left, he said to me.  “Don’t worry.  One day she’s going to wake up and meet a boy.”

What?

He continued.  “It will happen.  A boy will walk in and she’ll fall in love and won’t be alone anymore.”

I changed the subject.  (also- to be clear- this is my husband’s friend) In my mind though, I was sort of pissed off.  OK- not sort of.  Really annoyed.

  1. What’s wrong with a kid who is a serious student?
  2. What’s wrong with a kid who doesn’t want to date?
  3. Why are you looking with me with pity in your eyes that my 16 year old doesn’t have a boyfriend and it’s a tragedy?
  4. Why are you consoling me with one day a prince will come mentality?
  5. Maybe I think his kids being under 30 and all married is the wrong choice….( I know- not a question, but emphatic point that I thought should be included here_)

I know.  I’ve written this before, but today is blog as therapy day, and I have to put my frustration and anger on the page.  But the real question is:  why does it bother me so much?  Am I really subconsciously worried about why my daughter doesn’t choose to date?

So I thought about this.

And I thought.

And I over thought.

And I’ve decided that no, I really don’t care whether or not my daughter dates.  I’m actually pretty happy with the way she is.  She’s confident and hard working.  She’s a good person who isn’t mean and treats people with respect and dignity.  She has self worth. She has friends who treat her with respect and dignity.  She is a pretty happy kid, especially for a teenager growing up today.  And maybe she is all these things because she has focused on herself instead of focusing on popularity or pairing off.

So here’s the lesson.  Be yourself first.  Figure out who you are, what you like, what you don’t like.  Smile when someone gives you a look of pity, because you’ll probably have the last laugh.

Just like me.  Rant over.  Whew- aren’t you glad?

 

 

56 thoughts on “Don’t Worry – It will Happen

  1. I really do understand! My daughter is 20 now, but when she first started working a couple years ago her co-workers always asked why she wasn’t dating, and then was astonished she lived at home. Too long of a story for this comment, but the dating question started a while ago from a LOT of people. She went out with three different guys over a period of time from here and they ALL wanted to marry her within a week. By the third guy she told him if he even mentioned marriage he was gone. That is not what she wants right now and people should just leave her be about it.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I still don’t understand why people liken not dating to some tragedy or flaw. I can’t understand. Yesterday we were out and saw some boys my daughters age acting like imbeciles…and my daughter said….tape that and show it to anyone who doesn’t understand why I don’t want a boyfriend

      Liked by 2 people

  2. My daughter is 100% career focused. Driven, determined, and doing great. She doesn’t want a relationship right now because she knows she can’t devote herself to someone fully. She wants to career and wealth build. People still ask me when she’s gonna get married….um, she’s 20? Marriage and babies are a long way off and I don’t think people of our generation and older understand it. It’s not all there is for young people.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. It certainly frustrates me. It’s like she can’t have her own without a man. Like she isn’t fulfilled without a man. It’s quite a patriarchal view because no one is asking me that of my 22 year old son. No. They wonder when he’s gonna find a career he likes. How about school? Does he want to go to school? Never, when is he gonna find a wife?

        Liked by 3 people

  3. I actually find that such a strange comment your husbands friend said to you! What was he thinking?? That your daughter would be better off if she was in a relationship? Why? Firstly, how weird and rude for him to make that assumption. Secondly, isn’t that your daughters choice? Thirdly, It’s absolutely none of his business! Fourthly, what gave him the right to judge how you were feeling, when you’re obviously very proud of and happy with your daughter. I could go on through to 100 and beyond, but won’t. I’m not surprised he annoyed you, well done for not rising to it. I do find it strange when people feel they need to make judgements about others.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You summed up very succinctly exactly what I was feeling!! FYI…he has three kids under 30…2 married and one is still with his high school girlfriend…..nit that I’m judging….😉

      Liked by 2 people

  4. WTF is even wrong with people? I think you got angry because that was just utterly offensive, unabashedly misogynist, and plain old stupid. It assumes that you & your daughter think she needs a man to save her from lonely spinsterhood. It’s pissing me off, and I don’t even have kids, so you’re probably pretty justified in your anger. You’re also justified in your laughter, because he really is comically stupid and will probably raise his daughters to feel they have to be married to be acceptable in their father’s eyes and therefore they’ll be on their 3 or 5th marriages while your daughter is taking over the world. Which isn’t funny, it’s tragic.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Of course…we’re on the same wavelength as always as I just used the word tragedy in another response. I don’t understand the whole white knight thing. It’s cute in a rom com…but really…in life?

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Either way, I think people would complain. My oldest daughter had a steady boyfriend all through high school. She is tying herself down. She needs to be independent. Blah, blah, blah… my youngest hasn’t started dating yet. I’m enjoying every minute. What concern is it of theirs anyway?? Do they think it worries you? You have found a real gem of a friend if they accept you and your family for who they are.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. You said it yourself, ‘she’s focused on herself and not…’ those other things. And isn’t she the smartest young woman for doing so?
    When one day she does meet a young man, she’ll know herself well enough not to compromise who she is, she’ll know how to ask for the kind of love, and relationship she wants. And she has all the time in the world!
    Princes don’t always come. Sometimes the princess has to do her own dirty work. Whether it be slaying a dragon, or taking over her little part of the world, or realizing a “fuckboy” for what he is when she meets him. (please pardon the language)
    I say, Brava! to your girl! And to you, and her dad. She didn’t grow up in a vacuum, you know.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. “Be yourself first. Figure out who you are, what you like, what you don’t like.”
    Heheee!! Awesome!!! Imaginary high-fiving you!!! Wish there wasn’t so much pressure on our girls to conform to society’s standards of girl meets boy, yada, yada, yada….

    Liked by 2 people

  8. So I read the word ‘rant’ and I walked away to make coffee and breakfast. So I could read you without getting up and distracted about feeling hungry. 🙂

    Popularity is over-rated. my 10yo has a friend who, like her, actively refuse to participate in the cliques that do nothing but ‘gossip’ all day. My girl and her like-minded friend are much too busy with stuff that interests them than to join the ‘popular’ girls. So…reading you, I think to myself, I hope my daughter can maintain this kind of confidence into her teens.

    🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  9. He is projecting his own fear of ‘being left behind’ on your daughter. Next time he insults your daughter, just hit him.

    Well, ok, maybe not. Yell something like: “Marriage is the institutionalised supression of women! You bigot! If you do not apologise for spreading your stupid, judgemental, derogatory, misogynistic, ill- advised comments to her this instant I’ll be burning my bra. here and now!”

    Guess he does not see that coming. 🙂 Ha! Never a dull moment….

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I’m in my mid-twenties now and have only JUST started thinking about dating (serious or otherwise). That comment irked me, too. Your daughter sounds like a well adjusted teen. From what I’ve learned from your blog, you’ve armed her with the best advice to be a kind, sincere, intelligent person. Among many other accolades! Plus, I’m of the mindset you can’t make other people happy if you’re not happy yourself. ~Kelsey

    Liked by 3 people

  11. I went to a small rural high school, which I will be the first to admit, had certain advantages. But by far the biggest disadvantage was the firmly held belief that a girl wasn’t exactly “whole” until she had a boyfriend. Which I didn’t. And it took me years to realize that there was nothing wrong with that at all. So believe me, I understand your need to rant. Your daughter is just fine as she is! And thank God you realize that.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. My daughter is the same age and no one ever questions her about boyfriends or dates. Who cares? Quite honestly, I can’t stand my son when he’s in a serious relationship. He’s so much more pleasant and agreeable when he’s single. I’m surprised you didn’t come up with a witty retort to put that guy in his place.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I was just a little shocked when he said it. I also really like his wife, so I didn’t really want to be nasty (cause I would be nasty) in front of her. It’s funny, because there are certain types of people that I get this reaction from. There are still people who think having a partner is a sign that you’re ok. It’s a sliver of narrow mindedness that is never going to change no matter how evolved we get. This guy has three kids under 30. The oldest has been married since he was 21, the middle has been married for a year but with the same guy since 18, and the youngest is with his girlfriend since freshman year high school. It’s what his family thinks is right

      Liked by 1 person

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