I’m going to do a little weaving experiment.  I’m going to take two different thoughts and try to put them together.  Let’s see if this works.

Warp: There’s a Frasier episode where a focus group listens to his radio show.  19 people love the show, one doesn’t.  Frasier is unable to accept the fact that one person doesn’t like his show.

I think we all want to be liked.  I’m guessing it’s a survival instinct: if people like us, we are more likely to survive.  Most people do not go out of their way to be miserable to others (except my MIL who will go to ends to make my life a living hell)

But has liking become an obsession?

Have we made the “like” button essential to our self confidence?

Weft: I was recently talking to a blog friend. We discussed how difficult it can be to write about personal issues, because we don’t know how it will be received by our readers. We worry about being liked if we share too many things about our lives.

I try to be very honest in my blog.  I am trying to accept myself, be happy with me.  This starts with honesty.  When I write I share my frustrations and vulnerabilities.  I share my high points and the things that make me happy.  I do this at the risk of being mocked, of being scorned, of being debased.  Yet, I do it anyway.

Why?

Because I spent a good deal of my youth being dishonest.  Dishonest with those around me, but more importantly, dishonest with myself.  I was so intent on being liked, that I would morph myself into what was expected of me.  I tried to be the daughter my parents wanted, the sibling my sister wanted, the friend, the girlfriend, the roommate…You get the idea.  I tried to be everyone except myself.

This is not a good lifestyle choice.

Then one day I decided that I was good enough just as I was. (score one for maturity and wisdom with age)  I didn’t need to be anyone else.  I needed to be me, whether or not people liked me.  People liking me wasn’t going to help my self esteem if I didn’t like myself.  So I began my journey to be true to myself.

When I blog I tell you how I’m feeling.  This is not easy:  exposing yourself to the world is not easy.  But it makes me stronger.  Every time I tell you how I feel, I feel a little better about myself.  This is me.  This is who I am.  Accept me, don’t accept me.  It doesn’t really matter what you think of me.  I know what I think of myself, and I like it.

 

69 thoughts on ““Like””

  1. I LOVE that you expose your human frailties so openly. It allows me to connect with you on a heart level, and there’s nothing pinterest-worthy about heart level. Heart level is sloppy, but it’s powerful. I wouldn’t have you any other way😍

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  3. I know what you mean. I try to write from the heart about things I feel and then I wonder. Will they think I’m whining? Are they sick of me writing about specific topic? But then I realize it’s my insecurities talking and I think screw it! I’m writing about it anyway because it’s important to me and I want to share.

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  6. That seems to come from a place that is so YOU. I don’t know you personally but have always felt a streak of honesty and self acceptance in your posts. If that is the ” New You”, then congrats on discovering the true YOU.

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  8. I find I enjoy reading blogs that are about people. Honest and raw and human. Which may seem a bit odd since I don’t expose my own self in the same way on my blog, so to speak. There’s a level of truth in my writing but it isn’t the same as what you do daily. Your blog is always a pleasure for me to read because I know you are true to yourself. Thank you for that. 🙂 ~Kelsey

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  10. Oh, I was such a dishonest person when I was younger. I wanted to be more likeable, more interesting, more adventurous, more attractive. But I didn’t like myself very much back then. Now that I like ME, I can be much more honest. I press my like button at least ten times a day.

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  11. Oh, I so agree with you on this topic! I do think we, as a society, has become so dependent on social media affirmation and I often times think it’s a false affirmation anyway. Many people who ‘like’ a post are only doing so out of habit, obligation etc. We really need to find affirmation and self worth from within and as you said, that comes from being honest with ourselves and loving ourselves. Great post!

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  13. I write a blog on addiction/sobriety and write without holding back or editing. I make it a practise to free myself of fear of not being liked or being ashamed. Specifically because addiction is so much about wanting to be ‘normal’, ‘fitting in’, not being able to deal (negative) emotions. Also, I saw people struggle with their own truth and shame and thought: maybe if I do not go into hiding, things can change.
    I really like likes, comments and support 🙂 but it is a bonus. It is up to the other whether they like posts, or not, comment, or not. I also do not keep a (mental) list of whom commented and liked when and if or not I should comment or like back, however polite that might possibly be. 🙂
    xx, Feeling

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  14. Absolutely be true to what you have to say and what you are, without regard to “likes.” This is very on point for our personal development. Yesterday my friend asked me to name one of my qualities and we discussed “Loyalty.” Then she said, what’s the other side of loyalty? Maybe sticking around longer than you should. I think that sort of goes with this idea of trying to be what we THINK other people want us to be for them. Great post!

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  16. An important post, it is important to be honest with yourself so that you can relay to your blogs. I have found myself writing something that I felt strongly about and then afterwards wondering if I wrote it differently or censured myself a bit would people have liked it. This defeats the purpose, but I am working on it and catch myself before I change it to something more palatable. Not everyone is going to like me or my views but they are just that …my views.

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  17. It’s a slippery slope for me too. I am more true to myself now as a parent of teens and tweens than I have been all my life. This sometimes makes me regretful. But at the same time I understand better why I may feel this way. And, honestly, blogging helps. I don’t know if you do this too, but I blog, a lot, and about half never gets published. I revisit those drafts and it helps me process and ponder, and it’s not without reservation that I think “should this be made public?”…everything I do end up publishing ends up scrutinized my me, my biggest critic, first.

    Know what I mean?

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    1. I know what you mean, but part of my logical, stubborn behavior pattern is that if I write a topic in my planner I must write it. Sometimes I shift it a day or two so I can think about it, but I usually write and publish.

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  18. I’m new to blogging, but finding it therapeutic to put my thoughts and reflections into some sort of perspective; also to read the words of people who think similarly to me. It’s making me be more honest, which is quite liberating. I am a bit wary, though, of how much I share publicly and I think that’s ok too.

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    1. I don’t think you should share everything. I think what you choose to share you need to be honest about. It’s a fine line, but there it is

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  19. Funny… I enjoy reading most personal posts but I’m a pretty private person. Although I blog about things going on in my life, I seldom get overly personal. It has nothing to do with my self-confidence, need to be liked, or dis/honesty, it’s just that I’m a private person (I don’t post a lot of stuff on Facebook either). I think some people share way too much on social media (obviously just my opinion) but I enjoy knowing more about the bloggers I follow.

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    1. I think there’s a difference between being honest with your posts and sharing everything. Honesty in a post is just being honest about the topic you choose to write about. But, there are topics that you can choose not to write about

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      1. 🙂 One of the things I initially liked about your blog was I felt it was like a friend talking to me. I’m sure others feel the same way. It’s a unique voice, and very appealing.

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  21. AMEN!! Yes nothing is better than being the Real you! I have a dear blogging friend who convinced me of that. Readers want your honesty, its how we get to know you. I was going through a very hard time and wasn’t sure how to post it and my friend said just be REAL and I did and I was glad. Yes, it is scary, but it is rewarding because you empower others to be real as well.

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  23. I feel like I constantly question why I blog.i even have the urge to just delete my blog at times because I wonder if it’s pointless. I feel like i was in a similar situation as you where I was who I thought other people wanted me to be or expected me to be. Blogging for me maybe allows me to share me, but I guess I also hope it encourages others to share themselves too.

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  27. I really connect with the feelings in this post. I have struggled so much with the fear of rejection, especially as a writer. And even when looking for a job. But the biggest problem has been the writing. When you’re looking for a job you just do it anyway even if you’re afraid because you need a job … Writing you can submit your work tomorrow. But then tomorrow never quite comes.

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