I made a resolution/goal to be more stylish.

I know.  How does one do that?  What did I even mean?

I always wear black.  It’s sort of a joke amongst my friends- whenever one of them is doing something and they ask “What should I wear?” I say “black”. To me, a black dress, or pants or whatever always wins out.

So to be clear, when I said I want to find style, I don’t mean changing the color of my clothes.  I just feel the need to add a little oomph to my wardrobe.  I’ve seen my hair go from brunette to blonde.  I’ve seen new wrinkles appear in unlikely places.  I don’t wear heels anymore.  I’m a bit heavier than I used to be.  So I feel an internal need to add just a little something to my wardrobe.

Enter Stitchfix.  We know my love. (and no- I am not getting a kickback- it’s just been a really good thing for me) Last month, my stitchfix box included a scarf.  Not a heavy duty one, but a pretty thing meant to be warn as an accessory.20180309_073145.jpg

So, I got the scarf on a Saturday morning.  I loved it.  I thought it was the right thing for me.  I was meeting my family for lunch that day, and along with a pair of leggings and a black t shirt, I tied the scarf on.  And then I went to lunch.

My daughter laughed when she saw me enter the noodle shop.  “What?” I said. (I mean, I am a Mom, so I’m used to being laughed at)  and my daughter answered “You look so happy.  I’m laughing because you’re smiling.”

So there you have it.  Clothes and such do affect how I view myself.  I feel better when i wear an outfit I love.

Is this shallow?  I don’t know.  Part of me doesn’t want to care about what I wear.  Part of me wants to be above physicality. (this is my emotional baggage- I have all sorts of issues due to my Mother’s attitude towards physical attractiveness)  But, what’s wrong with liking what you wear if you’re only doing it for yourself?

I think I am always going to struggle with doing things that enhance my appearance.  I have visions of my mother who wears sunglasses at night, indoors if she is not wearing make up.  I hear her voice in my head saying “What? no lipstick?  What kind of dress is that?  Did you buy a new dress for _______”.  I think my Mother is incredibly shallow when it comes to these things.  I tend to want to go to the exact opposite direction.  But- is that the right way to go?

So, at 53, I’m starting to reconcile my looks and my appearance.  I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s OK to like what I wear, love what I wear, as long as I’m doing it for me.  And it’s OK if I feel a little better if I am pleased with how I look.  These have been lifelong struggles for me.  But I’m getting there.




55 thoughts on “Resolution:Style

  1. I totally agree. 2 years ago I realized my wardrobe was tided and dated. and I turned fifty this year. If someone asked me out I wouldn’t have a decent looking outfit to wear. so I started picking up pieces here and there. I don’t have much money for clothing and expensive accessories but I used the consignment shop and Kijji and look for sales.
    One of my purchases was handbags; I got two genuine Coach hand bag, one for summer ( is is coral coloured, one for winter black. and I love them. I have no regrets buying them and I feel so good when I go out. It is about how you feel. They make me feel great. Cheers

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Exactly… we just have to change our mind set and love our wrinkles, etc. and not feel it is over INSTEAD find that style that makes us feel elegant, sexy, beautiful, sporty – whatever the occasion! Let’s have fun with this!


  2. I love fashion and playing around with different looks. I go out of my way to do my hair and put makeup on everyday. A small part of this is because of my insecurities, but a bigger part is because I find it fun. It’s like putting on a costume everyday. You get to decide who you want to be that day. I find that doing this and looking at it this way gives me more confidence. Maybe this is also shallow. I dunno. It’s working for me though.


  3. I am a very casual dresser and I have been trying to find a casual “style” that suits me. I live in the desert so no black (way too hot a sun for that) but now at 51 I don’t really like wearing shorts. I like wearing capris or the long knee length shorts (do they still call them pedal pushers?). I am planning on doing a closet sweep this week end. I have clothes that I think look good and clothes that fit well (comfortable) and am going to see how many of them fit both criteria. I have noticed how different I feel when I wear clothes that I feel good in, both mentally and physically and I realized there is no reason all my clothes shouldn’t fit that way. Well, other than the chore of finding these clothes. I have thought about Stitch Fix but can’t imagine getting bottoms that fit right without a lot of tries. I am the person that has to take 3 different sizes into the dressing room and it is a crap shoot if any will fit. I have taken a few favorite pants into the tailors and had them taken in to remove that horrid gap in the back though. All goals take work, even seemingly frivolous goals. Though wanting to feel good about how you look isn’t really frivolous? Undecided on that.


  4. Good for you! Clothing is so often a reflection of how we see ourselves. So I say, express yourself! Be who you are, and wear what makes you comfortable! You go girl!!! And age should have nothing to do with what you wear. Not if it makes you happy. So throw on that scarf, wear your black, do whatever makes you feel good about who you are!!! If you feel good your beauty will shine through.

    BTW,I love black too!!! My sons laugh because I have so many black tops that they find it funny when I ask what the dress code is. “What does it matter, you’ll just wear black,” they say. LOL
    Yes, for dressy occasions I agree, there is nothing better than black slacks and a black top. Or a black jacket. I love that look. I wear black all the time. What could be better???
    When I was younger I could wear any style, any color, and any heel height. And I most certainly did. But as I aged nothing looked as sleek and sophisticated as black. I love black.

    However, on a daily basis I am a jeans girl. You cannot take the wild child out of me. I was a child of the 60’s and now even in my 60’s I love jeans. I wear jeans pretty much every day. They might be embroidered, rolled up, skinny, flared, cropped, ripped, whatever hits my mood. Yes, I LOVE jeans and I love jean jackets. I have one friend who will not wear the ripped jeans but I say why not? I like the attitude of them and how free they make me feel!

    When I wear a great fitting pair of jeans I feel as if I am still that cool girl. Yes, I know I am not that young rocker chick any more. (The girl who was in an all girl’s rock band.) I know that. But I AM, that cool girl inside. And so I can get that feeling back when I buy my jeans from designer Diane Gilman. Her jeans are styled perfectly for me and so I am a bit of a jean addict. In fact, right before I responded to your post I was on line and ordered another jean jacket because it had embroidery on the back. I couldn’t resist. Nobody ever think’s I am in my late 60’s because when they see me in a crisp blouse, jeans and denim jacket with the collar turned up, they just assume I am younger.

    I don’t wear denim because I am trying to look younger, I wear it because it fits my personality. I am comfortable in denim and feel eternally young. My spirit is no different from the rebellious , protesting girl who fought for equality back in the late 1960’s. I am still doing all that now. I am involved politically and still fighting for women’s rights. So, I am naturally drawn to jeans and a black top. That’s my uniform.
    The black top can have belled sleeves, 3/4 sleeves,a ballet neck, v neck, whatever style, jeans look fabulous with a black top! So, I pretty much wear the two every day. And…Once a year I donate a bunch of my jeans that I haven’t worn in a while and then I have room to buy more jeans! I have to say at any given time I may own over a 100 pairs. Probably 50 or so jean jackets too. I suppose I am a denim collector of sorts. Collector or addict, it is a harmless fun way to express my wild side. My secret is now out!!!

    I say go for your style. If it is black, wear black, if you like wild chunky jewelry do that. Or wear brightly colored scarves. (I love scarves.) I no longer can wear really high heels any more do to a recent auto injury ,but when I retired at 62 I was standing all day in 3 inch heels. (I do miss my heels. ) But I can still rock a great pair of wedges with a fabulous skinny jean and that means I can go off into the sunset feeling like a cool girl. My BFF and I went to our 50th high school reunion last summer in jeans and everyone loved it. They thought we were still the “grooviest” girls in the class. It’s all a state of mind anyway. So feel good about who you are. And by the way you express yourself I’d say you are fabulous!!! (Also 53 is YOUNG!!!! I would so go back to that age in a heartbeat.)


  5. Nothing fits. Winter is back. I feel fat (I’m not). Nice/new clothes definitely put me in a better mood but I need to get me some more new ones first. Right now, the sun is out giving the illusion that the weather is warm (it’s not) but I did buy a spring-ish top last week so I will wear it, dammit, and put a smile on my own face. 🙂

    All my pants are black or charcoal. lol


  6. I dislike fashion, prefer style. I won’t not wear something because of my age, but will not look like mutton dressed up like lamb. You’d think those two principles would make clothes shopping easier, but they don’t. Still, I try.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Stichfix, Huh? I’m chuckling now; not because I’m laughing at you, but I was thinking of my wife. She is a little older than you, loves black, gray, and dark blue clothing. She ALWAYS accessorizes, and looks fantastic( and very stylish). She must have twenty scarves, subtle, but beautiful jewelry, and wears just the right amount of makeup. Keep styling, and take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You’re a superstar! Well done you! Personally I look like s**t if I don’t wear makeup. I also rather annoyingly look like s**t if I wear baggy t-shirts and round necks. If I look ok, then I feel ok. If I make an effort even if only for me, then I behave differently. I hold my head up a little higher and am able to hold eye contact with someone. I used to have huge problems with my skin so feel very naked and vulnerable and ugly without anything to disguise the old scars. A few years ago I had my ‘colours’ done. This is when you find out which tones and shades of various colours work for your skin tone and which don’t. The absolutely best thing I ever did. Great fun and now I never make mistakes when clothes shopping! It’s saved me a fortune. Sorry, I’m rambling! Lovely to meet you! Katie

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I like being pleased with what i’m wearing, but I’m so far behind style that even retro would look more than dated. You put something together and carried it off with style. I envy that. A male friend of the family gave me a beautiful thing. I would love to use it appropriately. The thing is, I can’t decide if it is a scarf to wear or a table runner. Every once in a while I see it in the drawer and appreciate its beauty. I’m convinced that people with flair can get away with almost anything. That doesn’t work for me. I should just enjoy being an honest frump and get on with living.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anne, be brave! Wrap it around several times and just wear it! It’s all in your attitude. Twirl it around your neck or your hips and smile. Accessories are about having fun. I say try wearing it. There’s no wrong way to wear a scarf. Fold it in half if it’s too long and then put it on and allow yourself to feel sassy! Go to lunch with friends and I bet they think you look fabulous!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I love scarves. I got really out of stylish dressing when I started working from home 17 years ago. My pj’s are my work clothes a lot of the time. Now that I am working at Michaels I have to wear black pants but I try to wear colorful tops.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I say good for you. You do you. If that means a pretty scarf of some lipstick, go for it. For me it’s definitely self-care to wear my “nice” clothes as often as possible. Who cares if it’s only Hicksville and they’ll think I’m “dressed up”? I didn’t buy the outfit to impress them. I bought it because👏👏😍😆😄🤗😁👏👏

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I freaking love every single thing about this post!
    …and…you’re helping sway me towards stitch fix. I keep tossing around the pros and cons, but to be quite honest I’m running out of cons!
    You look happy when you feel happy and happy is beautiful. So if a scarf can do that, perhaps it’s time to accept content = beautiful more and judge the whys and wherefores less. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Good for you. Oh my gosh, I’ve tried this, but it simply doesn’t work. So many of my female friends have assumed that, because I’m gay, I must be the pinnacle of fashion. Um…no. Jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers. Embrace it if you can. Roll with it. Do it for YOU and no one else. Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. You are living in New York where you find great choices for women of all ages. That is why in my 20’s, I choose to live in Manhattan and pursue a job in the fashion industry. There is no place like New York for choices in clothing. I am in now in your age group and would love a day of shopping in NYC with an extra 500 dollars.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, I hate shopping. I mean really hate it. And the clothes can be really expensive. Finding reasonably priced clothes, appropriate for my age and style is actually really difficult. I don’t want to deal with it

      Liked by 1 person

  15. One of my biggest fears/concerns as I get older was turning into a frump. My retirement wardrobe is much different than my work wardrobe, but I always try to dress with style (even if I’m casual). I love scarves, arty style, comfort, and pops of color. I envy those who look good in black – I look like death. Fortunately, the internet has made access to fashion and style (from ideas to actual products) easily available.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s actually the greatest thing about the Internet….it does allow us to see all the things that are out there. I feel comfortable in black, and I think if you’re comfortable, you feel better, and then look better…

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I don’t see that as shallow. It’s a joy being around people who are comfortable in their own skin and their style. Embrace new and do you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Embracing the beautiful in life used to be seen as living an elevated life. I think there’s a spiritual element to fashion and beauty for sure. Which reminds me that I really need a good haircut or my mood goes down the drain.

    Liked by 1 person

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