“Oh, I had a lousy bowling ball.”

“If that guy didn’t start talking I would have won.”

“My wife was 100% wrong about everything.  That’s why we got divorced.”

Have you ever heard statements like these?  Statements uttered to explain a loss or something not going right?  The people that make these statements on a continual basis are Blamers.  Blamers blame everything around them.  They never take personal responsibility.

It’s hard to deal with a blamer.

I realize that sometimes there really is an external reason that something goes wrong.  Printers break, pens run out of ink, people you are relying on don’t follow through with what they said they would do.  There are all sorts of legitimate reasons why a failure can be blamed on an external source.  But for the most part…

Next time something goes wrong, write down your first reaction.  Do you blame equipment?  Do you blame someone else?  Or do you rationally try to figure out what really went wrong?  Did you try to print something two minutes before it was due?  Did you have an extra pen?  Did you give the person you needed information from the proper amount of lead time and did you follow up with them?

I know why people want to blame outside elements.  They don’t want to admit that they did something wrong.  They don’t want to admit they made a mistake, or didn’t plan, or didn’t think.  They don’t want to admit defeat.  I get that.  No one wants to lose.  Losing sucks.  You never hear the cheer “We’re Number 2.  We’re number 2.” During the Olympics I heard people saying “Gee, is it worse to get a silver medal in the Olympics or to come in fourth?”  Seriously?  The fact that you worked hard and by any standards are a winner doesn’t matter because you didn’t take home a piece of hardware?  Or, the “right” piece of hardware?

It’s hard to admit that you aren’t the best at something.  Every time you don’t get something you want, it takes a little toll on your ego.  It’s easier to pass the buck, so to speak.  If you can blame something or someone, your brain rationalizes that it’s not your fault.  If it’s not your fault, the you feel better about yourself.  Simple.  Except you probably don’t feel better about yourself.  Not really.  You’re really just avoiding the issue.  You’re not learning from the mistake or the failure or the loss.  And you end up in the exact same place you started.

People who succeed in life are not usually blamers.  People who succeed in what they do look at their mistakes and failures as learning opportunities.  People who take personal responsibility usually have pretty decent self esteem and confidence,because they believe in their ability to persevere in the face of challenges.

It’s also hard to be in a relationship with a blamer.   When you are in a relationship with a blamer, you end up feeling that everything is your fault.  That’s hard enough for an adult, but what if you’re the child of a blamer?  How do you think the kid feels?  Think of all the different ways a young child would react to living a life with someone who always puts the blame on something or someone else.

And as you have surmised, your homework assignment is to figure out how you react to adversity.  Do you take responsibility or do you blame?  And then figure out if that is the best thing for your life and your relationships.  I can make it into a quiz if you want…

 

 

37 thoughts on “It’s All Your Fault

  1. I always blame my own lack of talent 🙂 If the kids do something ridiculous in front of me, when we have company, I always say “I blame the parents” lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I often blame myself for letting all those external things affect me. I know somewhere in my mind that it is not “so and so’s” or “such and such’s” fault. I end up silently wallowing because I don’t like listening people complain so I try not to complain aloud. Heheh, it’s so sad…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think we all do it to a certain extent, but it’s catching ourselves when we do, and setting the right course. We’re always a work in progress

      Like

  3. I suspect blaming reflects a high degree of insecurity. As a business owner, I had so much more respect for employees who admitted errors or admitted they didn’t know something than for those who blamed someone or something else for their mistakes, or for missed deadlines. People who are confident in their abilities—and their value—don’t need to blame. Not surprisingly, those are the people who advance and succeed. Nice post, thank you!

    Liked by 3 people

      1. As I thought a bit more about your post, I realized that those who are accountable and own their mistakes are the ones who more readily share credit for accomplishments, while the blamers are more likely to hog the credit–even when it may not be deserved. Again, insecurity is the likely reason for this, too. People are so interesting!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I know. I’m an avid people watcher, and I’m always trying to figure out what makes people tick, so to speak. The how and why of behavior I guess

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t call them blazers, I call them addicts.😂😂

    All jokes aside, this victim mentality or blaming someone else is definitely one of those things I get pissed at my sponsor about. Even when something really really truly isn’t my fault, I played a part and she wants to know what that part was. Sometimes it’s as simple as my expectations of others (that others didn’t live up to, because I’m good at setting impossibly high standards), but I always play a part.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t think people realize how much they affect the outcome of things. They look for an easy out, and that’s usually not the right answer. But, you’re not wrong…I think a lot if blamers (not all) have addictive personality types

      Liked by 1 person

  5. When I screw up at work, I “fall on my sword” and fess up immediately. In my private life, I have been known to blame others for things that have happened (divorce, fights with my Mother, etc), but, deep down, I always realize I’m half to blame.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Holding grudges and/or holding on to hurts only impacts you, not the other person. And I can’t hold onto the bad parts of my childhood because whatever happened wasn’t about me —- I was just caught up in it (parents divorce, alcoholic father, etc.). My sister held onto all sorts of bad feelings about our father — now he’s dead (11 yrs this year) and she regrets it all. As I told her she would.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I think the older I get the more responsibility I take for my mistakes. It takes guts to own your mistakes and fix them. As far as my family goes we blame the person that isn’t there. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thanks for reading my blog on the topic of getting lost in Florida. I have a horrible sense of direction even with all of the electronic gadgets in our car. But I only blamed myself for not putting the directions into the map finder. I thought of your blog and this topic as I was writing today. Good idea.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hey now, all of the bowling balls I’ve ever had have been lousy.

    Seriously though, we all need some self reflection in our life. My sister is learning some of these lessons a little too late.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is good to think about. I’ve learned that recognizing our limitations and being humble are keys to admitting when we are at fault and not blaming others for our mistakes. It does take someone with pretty good self esteem to be able to do that. Great post. ( :

    Liked by 1 person

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