I normally write blog post ideas in my planner.  Presently, I know what I’m writing about for the next two weeks.  And when I write an idea down, I almost always go with it.  Almost.  What I’m writing today has been postponed twice.  Originally I was supposed to write about this the day I wrote about John Mahoney.  I rescheduled it to last wednesday- which I then realized was Valentine’s Day.  Well, I needed a special post for Valentine’s – didn’t I?  But- here it is – the post that has been pushed off twice.

A few months ago I wrote about how I had lost eight pounds in the first two months of my diet.  yay.

Today I write that I haven’t lost any weight since then.

Crap.

Yeah.  This sucks.

My first thought is : karma.  I got cocky about having lost weight in the beginning.  I felt invincible. The holidays came and my goal was to maintain my weight.  Which I did.  I ate just enough at parties and gatherings to stay where I was weightwise.  I was stoked that I did great at that – I had conquered the secret of eating well during the holidays.  I was a Goddess.

See- this was my downfall.  I was Icarus flying too close to the sun.  And now my wings were melting.

See, I haven’t been able to get back into the groove of losing weight.  I haven’t been eating as thoughtfully as I need to be in order to lose more weight.  Which is fine if you are content with your weight.  The problem is:  I am not content with my present weight.  Which means I alternate between cranky and sad as far as my weight is concerned.  I had a day where i sort of binge ate.  See, I’m an emotional eater:  something goes bad,  I take comfort in food.  Bad habit.  If something is good, I use food as a reward.  Bad habit.

I don’t know what I’m more mad about- not losing the weight or not being able to control my emotions.  Which makes me more mad about myself.  Downward spiral. I had a sort of binge eating episode- I had an entirely carb filled day- carbs and I don’t agree- they just blow up my body so I was essentially being self destructive.

And then I had to wonder:  did I keep pushing the writing of this post off for some psychological reason?  Was I trying to not actually deal with my emotions?  Was i trying to make believe that I wasn’t upset or pissed off?  Did I think that seeing the words on the screen would make everything too real?

hmmmm

Too much thought for a Friday?  Well, it doesn’t matter cause here it is, on the page.

So today I am going to try to deal with whatever crap is running through my head.  I’m going to act in a positive way and try to lose weight again in a healthy manner.  I’m no expert, but I’m going to say that diets fail because of the brain.  If you want to lose weight you have to monitor your attitude, your feelings, your behaviors.

And so I begin again

Call me Phoenix.

65 thoughts on “Phoenix vs Icarus

  1. I obsess about my weight and food the way I used to obsess about men. It’s exhausting, but I totally relate to everything you said here. By the way, I had a massive carb meltdown this week, AND I ate peanut butter pie last night, because restaurants are my downfall. But I brought 90% of it home with me. Which just means I am going to drag it out over the next two days. 🙂 Hahaha!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. The best thing you can ever do is untangle those guilty feelings from food. I have starved my self, binged and purged and simply just binged for years uncontrollably. Working hard to take emotional baggage out of food was the most healthy thing I ever accomplished ❤

        Liked by 2 people

  2. We all have ups and downs on the dieting yo-yo, you just have to put a slip up out of your head and start the next day anew, just like you said! I’m confused myself on this Keto diet I’m on, as to how I can eat right and get all my macros correctly (it’s working because at least I’m losing weight) but then wake up a bloated, uncomfortable mess! I don’t get it, but I just keep doing what I read is right. I’m full and satisfied eating way less than I was before, I’m almost totally sugar-free and carb starved, so I know I’m in ketosis. Maybe the bloat is from all the veggies I’m eating now. Darned broccoli! 😉
    Anyway, keep up the good work, you will get there if you stay motivated!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s just a hunch, but do you food journal? I don’t regularly, but had to do it in my food blogging class as an assignment and it was good for keeping track of food/emotional link. As for the weight thing, I’ve had to watch my weight and exercise my entire life. I slacked off in the exercise dept. over the past few months, and I’m feeling every inch of it. I have faith that you’ll figure this out. When in doubt, eat protein like eggs in the am as a good base for the day. Try to avoid sugar ups and downs – that’s what triggers carb cravings. Good luck, and keep us posted. We’re all in your corner.

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  4. I have been up and down since Thanksgiving and it is really getting to me. I have an app on my phone(free) and it has a website too, where I can log my food and activities to get a real idea about how much I take in to how much I expend, when I use it religiously I lose weight. Then I get cocky! Try Sparkpeople.com

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  5. I just ate cheese. I’m going to also have coffee, or tea, with chocolate later. I hate my weight. I haven’t exercises, or walked. I have a sick kid on the couch AGAIN and another one in playoffs. I stay home or sit in a rink.
    And I eat.
    I’ll get it back. Maybe. Later.
    But you have to admit, February is a hard month to eat well. All the fresh food I usually like is blah tasting, blah looking, blah. Right? We gave up on cucumbers all together. Even the tiny cherry tomatoes taste off.
    Pass the pasta, the lasagna, the chunky soups and roasts. And the pie and tarts with tea. And the Valentine’s chocolate.
    😛

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Don’t beat yourself up or dwell on this! You are doing great, you are healthy and strong! Just focus on moving forward because what is done is over and irrelevant now. This weekend, be nice to yourself! Eat healthy and move around, you will get back on track and letting go of any stress will make you feel great 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I could have written this post. I was doing really well with the Hungry Girl diet last year until about May. Up to that point I had lost 40 pounds. Since May of last year I have been on a 5 pound shift, gain 5, lose it, gain 7, lose 5 so that I did not hit that lowest mark until October of last year. Since October I’ve been doing it again and I set my mind to get back on track even if it means re-reading the diet book again and making specific meal plans for every day. Emotions, time factors, a husband who doesn’t eat healthy, all of those things make a difference. Just keep going. Every day is a new day!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Good luck with your quest! Losing weight is so hard because we all need to eat… and, damn, caloric food tastes so good! The only “diet” that has worked for me – and I’ve maintained my ideal weight for over five years – is 5:2 or “Fast Diet” (Google it if you are interested). I’m kind of an all-or-nothing type, so this way of eating fits me. No journals, no meetings, no calorie counting… and completely free!

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  9. Look at it this way, at least it sounds like you haven’t gained any weight. I’m an emotional eater too. I eat when I’m happy. I eat when I’m sad. But I can’t eat when I’m scared. I don’t like being afraid so I won’t wish for that. I crave carbs CONSTANTLY! The older I get, the more carbs I want. And they blow me up too! I lost a lot of weight a few years ago on a low-carb diet. I kept it off for a couple of years but once I went back to eating what I craved I gained the weight back. And after that low carb diet I got so sick of salad that it’s hard for me to go back to eating it so much. And aches, pains and other health-related annoyances have stifled my exercise routine. So…..I’m just trying to take small steps to get it together. I just do the best I can. I’m trying not to let my weight depress me. It’s always going to be an uphill battle for me, but I refuse to let it “weigh” me down. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Losing momentum in a diet is a common thing, and it is so very frustrating. But I think you have the right attitude, just take a deep breath and start over! Sometimes we need to just be a little bit more forgiving of ourselves, I think.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Ah I love your attitude- I think this is the way to look at life in general! I think we all have our ups and downs (funnily enough, I was just making my week’s to do list, checking it against what I achieved last week, and was busy chastising myself for not exercising, so this post feels very relatable to me right now) but the main thing is to pick ourselves up again- we should all strive to be phoenixes! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Having the will power is always the biggest obstacle for me. It’s good that you keep on keeping on. You’ll get there. I need to exercise more, and so, I am trying to walk at least 20-30 minutes Monday through Friday, starting today (I did sporadically a couple weeks and month ago, but dwindled on it the past few weeks)–which I have gotten my walk in this morning. Yay! Just got to keep on keeping on like you are doing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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