Back in the early days of our relationship, Husband and I did not celebrate Valentine’s Day.  Hallmark holiday we called it.  Day specifically intended to make people spend money.

Then, when our daughter was born, we still didn’t celebrate it with each other, but we made sure we had things for her.  Little presents, candy, whatever.  In elementary school I watched as she made little Valentines Cards to give to her classmates.  I remember how excited she was to make a little cardboard mailbox in school, and come home with a box filled with little notes and candy and whatever else kids put in the boxes.  Valentines Day had become another reason to celebrate my daughter.

Then a few years ago, Husband and I began celebrating Valentine’s Day.  No presents, (we all know that I hate receiving presents) but we would go to dinner. And it is nice to go out on Valentines Day, even if it’s an overpriced prix fixe menu.  As long as you go out during the rest of the year too.

Here’s the thing:  it’s supposed to be a day to celebrate your relationship.  But you should try to celebrate your relationship at least once a week.  All year.

I know.  Babysitter.  Expensive.  Exhaustion.  Lack of free time.   I get all that- been there, done that so to speak.  But figure out a way to celebrate your relationship.  One night, stay up a little later and watch a movie or tv show.  Play a game.  Get up 20 minutes early to have coffee together before the rest of the house is up.  Something.  Anything.  Just once a week.

Because relationships need to be worked on.  Relationships need to be nurtured. Your relationship should be one the top priorities in your life.  If it’s not, you seriously have to ask yourself why it isn’t.

On top of spending time with your significant other, I want you to think about it another way:  think about what lesson you are teaching your children.  Children don’t learn from what we say.  Children learn from what we do.  They learn from our actions.  If we show them that relationships don’t need to be worked on, that our significant others aren’t important, what lessons are they going to being to their own relationships?  What kind of partners are they going to end up being?  Your children are watching how you and your partner treat one another.  They’re watching.  Remember that.

Treat your partner with courtesy and respect.  Fight fair (because kids should see you get into and out of arguments).  And show them the love.  Show them the wanting to spend time together.  Show them that you want to be alone with your partner.

Because if you don’t respect your partner, or treat them with courtesy, or fight fair, or show them love, or want to spend time together, or want to be alone with them- if you are not making a little effort to be with them:  what are you doing with that partner?

And there’s your Valentine’s message…..

 

86 thoughts on “Why Valentines”

  3. Yes!!
    We personally don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, but me and hubby spend just about all of our free time together. Our daughter thinks we’re unusual. 😂 Maybe, but we’re working on 24 happy years together, and she knows that what we have together is special. I always tell her to marry someone like my husband (his qualities), and she never disagrees with that.

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  4. A great message! As I have always said, You have to keep dating when you are married! Yes loving our spouse is the best thing that we can do for our children because OH YES they are watching more than you know!

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  6. Spot on, we had date nights even when the kids were little. We didn’t go out, but when little one was asleep, we would sit and watch TV with a bottle of wine, put music on and dance, play silly games like hungry hippos, just have a laugh and enjoy each other company. We have been together now 28 years. (both second marriages).

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  8. We haven’t celebrated Valentine’s day since the year he adopted Miss Mollie for my present. Instead, we now celebrate “Mollie Day”. We’re ok with that because we do like you suggest, and we find ways to take time for each other as often as possible (even if that’s just morning coffee or our brief conversations as we fall asleep, which happens, because life shows up sometimes). Of course, we both have to give credit to the 12 steps for our ability to have a rather healthy relationship now, because we certainly couldn’t do that before😮

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  12. It will 38 years on March 8 and I am still dating my wife. A friend told me keep putting in the effort you did to win her AFTER you win her and I do. I still surprise her by bringing her coffee or lunch at work and we still hold hands. She has survived cancer twice, and me two kidney transplants and we are still in love.

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  13. I’ve always liked Valentines’s Day.
    As a teacher I enjoyed seeing the excitement in my students’ faces when we had our party at the of the day. Valentine’s for everyone,hand written or store bought, whatever their budget could afford. Cupcakes for all. The completion of an original poem- art project taken home and given to their parents as a Valentine gift. It’s a sweet holiday that teaches children what love means to them personally . (The warmth of a hug, a safe home, a slobbering puppy, freshly baked cookies).

    As a mom it was a family fun day enveloped in hugs and sweet treats. And as a wife it was romantic dinner with the man I loved.
    You can learn a lot about your relationship by how your Valentine’s Day goes. Early in a relationship It starts with flowers,poems and making love. It shifts to children and family outings and then in my case, when it transformed into a routine dinner that included my mother in law, I knew things had changed. And the last Valentine’s Day I had with my ex husband he forgot what day it was.
    Yes, it’s a day that is very telling. I had the table filled with treats and cards and he came home empty handed. It was a realization that we needed to end a 23 year marriage. The romance was gone.

    Now, I’m a practical romantic. I don’t expect lollipops, sunshine and roses but I do expect a showing of love and caring for your partner. Yes, on whichever days you agree upon as a couple, but thoughtfulness going both ways. Not just one sided.

    These days I get cards and hugs from my grandchildren and I babysit so my son can take his wife out and make her feel special.

    And while 364 days out of the year I’m a happy women. Every now and then, I wish that on Valentine’s Day a handsome gray haired man looking like a combination of a cool, sexy Johnny Depp, and a debonair George Clooney, knocks at my door and brings me flowers, wine, and a Valentine’s card. ❤️

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  16. I know I am happiest with my valentine when he does the things I can’t do: helping me with a multi media presentation for a class lecture with music embedded; taking out the garbage ; an early morning drive to the hardware store or computer store to get some kind of technology or whomedonut that I know nothing about or simply being there after I return home after a hard day. And I am there for him during his time of shots for cancer, when he is so tired, and making a special meal or saying something he finds funny. Everyday we are there for one another and sometimes it is far from romantic. Most of the time.

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  17. Yep, it will be 34 years for us in May and when we first got together we talked about making sure to go on date nights, even after the kids were born. He definitely does more romantic things for me than I do for him but it isn’t always on Valentine’s Day.

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  18. We skip Valentine’s because our anniversary is the 17th. So we wait and give each other half-price chocolate and cards, lol. And it’s nicer to go out or whatever after all the fuss has died down. I just think of Valentine’s day as my husband’s three day warning. (It’s worked for 33 years this year.)

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  19. Really–it’s like going to synagogue/church just on the two or so big days of the year and pretending the rest of the time that you’re religious. Being nice and getting along the rest of the year is much more valuable than feeling pressured to spend way too much money once a year, in my opinion.

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  22. In April we’ll be thirty years in. And it’s not that we slough/sluff cute cupid day. But the straight arrows from the suburbs see the inner city as the bulls-eye of all that, just you and me and dinner tonight…and nothing says an intimate dinning experience for two, when the bar stands six deep. So we peep some North Shore “road house” and pass ‘em on the freeway out. It’s fun and sometime the foods good too.

    And you, you’re so right. The kids be learning by watching. And two to share, and fighting fare should be forever on the menu.

    Abd now for a little literary bonbon. Norman Mailer’s Pulitzer Prize winning snack, The Executioner’s Song, has an interesting little Valentine’s Day appetizer.

    Enjoy tomorrow night.

    regards,
    r.douglas

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  23. I’m glad you mentioned fair fighting — probably the most important (and underrated virtue of any relationship). I’ve always hated Valentine’s Day. I resent being forced to proclaim my love by stimulating the economy. But my wife loves all those sentiments, so in the end it’s no skin off my nose to buy a heart-shaped box of chocolates and an over-priced greeting card (for the record, I don’t ever consider chocolate to be over-priced). – Marty

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    1. I think you celebrate or you don’t, but just love! And you’re right….we don’t talk about fair fighting enough. And that’s a huge problem in relationships….not the fight itself, but how we handle it

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  24. A sweet story for a sweet day. We don’t really celebrate Valentines Day per se, but we do celebrate our time together. Especially since my hubby works the 5pm to 5 am shift. We do try and go out to dinner now and then, go for walks, watch a movie together, and most importantly share the grandkids!

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  28. Another great post. Though I’m fairly neutral about the holiday, I don’t like that people who have no special someone feel sad being without a Valentine. My daughter complained that she will be spending it alone again, though she will be with us. So if we have a special someone, were lucky, and should show them in some way.

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    1. That’s the one thing I don’t like, that people feel excluded, but, I figure it’s all about love, and there’s all kinds of love…thanks!

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  29. Great post. We are not big on celebrating it, we just try and do a date night once a week. Since we had our child that mostly takes place at home when she is in bed, but we make it work. We don’t do presents, I feel it is a bit of a waste of money.

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  30. You’re spot on with this. I’m a night owl, Himself starts work at stupid o’clock. We go to bed at the same time and I read after he falls asleep (thank goodness for e-readers). I get my lie-ins (all the way to 7am) on weekdays after he’s got up at 4.50am, so he gets lie-ins at the weekend. And I keep him company. We chat when he’s awake, I read when he’s asleep. It works. He checks when my team playing rugby is on TV, sets a reminder and sits quietly while I watch it, smiling whilst I shout support or criticism at the referee, all despite finding the sport totally dull. Compromise, respect and together time – whatever form it takes. Took me long enough to work that one out though …

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  31. Wow! Very well expressed! Totally agree! If you love your spouse and seek ways to enrich your relationship, your kids will feel secure and cherished as well. After 36 yrs – we have 5 adult children (and 4 children-in-laws) who still seem to like us. Lol! And this coming weekend, for our 36th Anniversary, they have booked a 2 nite getaway at a fancy resort on Galiano Island, British Coloumbia. Yippee! And yes, I’m bring my camera!

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  34. Wonderful. I love the idea of protected time. My partner and I always have a cappuccino together on Saturday and Sunday mornings. We discuss what we’re going to do in the garden we share, rather than focusing on children, as it is easy to forget that you are more than your kids!

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  37. I couldn’t agree more. I think people don’t do this when things are hard but the truth is when things are hard we have to work on our relationships more. Doing the opposite it is always the motto at our house These days.

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