I had a friend who wanted to be a professional musician.  He was quite a good guitarist, and focused on getting better.  Along with 3 of his friends he formed a band.  They wrote their own songs and had a decent local following.  They put out a modest album and toured the country.  Not big name locales, but colleges and bars.  This went on for about 8 years, this life on the road.  Another album, some rock festivals.  He had achieved his dream.

Sort of.

He wasn’t sure if he made the right decision.  He went for his dream instead of going to college.

“But” I said to him, “you did it.  You lived your dream.  You were a musician.  You had actual albums and actual fans.  You supported yourself with your music for years.  You were a success.”

“Ahh”  he responded.  “I guess I really wanted to be a rock star.  I wanted all the trappings.  And I didn’t get that.  I wasn’t a rock star.  I went for it and I failed.  I think I would have preferred the ‘what if’.  At least I could still be a rock star in my dreams.  Now my dreams are how I didn’t make it.”

Now, I thought he was crazy.  I thought he was awesome cause he went for it.  He gave it his all.  I couldn’t imagine why he was upset with his decision.  I have always been a firm believer in just go for it.  The only decisions you regret are the ones you don’t follow through on.  That’s my mantra.

Yet….

Last month I talked about contacting an old friend I’d had a falling out with.  I debated whether or not it was worth it, opening up the old wound.  And I reached out to this person.  And I got no response.  Nothing.

Well, on one side, I know that this friendship is definitely over.

On the other side I was a jumble of emotions.  Pissed, hurt, annoyed, sad.

I regretted reaching out.  I thought that maybe I would rather have the thought of not knowing.

I thought that my friend had been right.  Not knowing is better.  (Now I know- his situation was much greater than my situation.  But you know, when you’re in the middle of something you think it is the greatest dilemma ever)

But them after some soul searching, I realized that it was better knowing that our friendship couldn’t be revived.

I was back on the “Just go for it” train.

Now this brings me to last weeks post about my daughter prepping for the SAT.  Most of you thought I was a bit crazy and over analytical about the situation.  But, here’s the thing:  I want my daughter to know she did everything possible to get into the school(s) she wants.  I want her to know that she left nothing on the table, that she did what was needed to achieve her goal/dream.  My job as her parent is to help her reach her goal, whatever that is.  That’s what we do for the people we love.  We help them on their journey.

I supported my Husband when he went back to school.  My Husband and Daughter support me in my dream of writing a novel.  We support her on her quest of the green, leafy walls.

No regrets.

Go for it.

If you fail, you know you tried.

Because if you fail at one thing, you get the opportunity to find another dream.

If you never try, you spend your whole life wondering “What if”.

And “what if” ends up giving you nightmares.  Because you realize you never tried.

So…

Go For It

No regrets.

57 thoughts on “Regrets, I’ve Had A Few……

  1. 100% agree! That is where I am at with my writing right now- it is time to go for it, all the way. I wish I would have arrived at this resolve ten years ago, but I sure don’t want to wait another ten years to see what I can do. I am all in!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Isn’t it sad that your friend didn’t take the chance to reconnect? I’ve been a jerk in some of my friendships (and so have some of my friends) and I thoroughly appreciate their/our willingness to forgive each other. That’s the measure of friendship. One of the best investments of my life was sending my son to an extra year of high school so his counselors could handle the college application process. It drove me insane until I realized I had already gone to college, and my son was responsible for his own success or failure. Your daughter sounds like a great kid with a fantastic head on her shoulders. You’re blessed!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks! It’s a little sad, but I guess you have to sometimes move on if a friendship didn’t make you feel good. Cynthia had said that when I originally posted….sometimes things end for a reason. But yes…my daughter is pretty good….but don’t tell her I said that😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Another good post – it’s often really all about the other person’s feelings influencing how he responds to one’s overture, not about us – yet our ‘go-to’ is to react. A timely reminder. Thanks for posting. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was trying to be poetic about my daughters ego and aspirations…..but yes….I think you’re right (as usual) I’m better off without them…the friend….not the daughter….

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  4. I’m with you …. you only live once, so take the chances, follow the dreams, eat the cake, buy the shoes, go back to college at middle-age and get the degree you always wanted, sell everything and travel the world……if not now, when?

    And, at least for me on the friend thing — Relationships end, sometimes for a specific reason, sometimes not. They sure aren’t worried about it, so I wouldn’t be, either.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. What an interesting blog topic. I have mixed thoughts. I do agree that in a perfect world people should go for it. They should follow their dreams no matter what the outcome. But, life happens and our choices are often halted due to circumstances beyond our control. I graduated college with an education degree and a minor in drama. I wanted to be an actress. But, the forces in the universe were such that that goal wasn’t going to happen for me. I married in college at the young age of 20 . That marriage lasted 5 years and broke up when I had a ten month old baby. So, I had to get a teaching job and work to support my baby instead of going to auditions and living the unstable life of a starving artist. My first husband was working a young director in NYC and not making much money. My child support was only 50 dollars a month. So I taught school and supported my child. But at night I tried to follow my dream. I did some theatre on Miami Beach and modeled locally and hardly ever got to spend time with my baby. I realized that it was not fair to my child. He deserved to at least have one parent who cared enough about him to be there for him. And so I gave up my dreams of being an actress. In the early days I often wondered what it…. I was still young, pretty, and I knew I was talented. But I brought a baby into the world and so there wasn’t time to worry about my needs. And so I pushed my dreams to the side.
    BUT…the way I solved my curiosity was, right after my 30th birthday… A very popular community theatre was having auditions for “A Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” and I auditioned for the lead, Maggie. I went in after work every day and kept getting call backs and finally got the part. I just needed to know that I still had what it took to get the lead. That I was still good enough to get the lead in a very difficult play. And that was enough for me. Of course I couldn’t take the job. I wasn’t going to work all day and get baby sitters all night and never see my child. So, I bowed out and my understudy took the part. The director was furious, but I was satisfied. I felt that if I had chosen acting, if life had been different, I would have been a working actress. I satisfied my desire to know that I would have been successful. Maybe not a movie star, but a successful working actress. My ex succeeded in theater as a director for a number of years and gave up the biz after several decades because he never really made it. big. He left unsatisfied feeling like a failure. I, on the other hand did not. I was a successful teacher. I loved working with children and ended every year with a production of some sort. I brought theatre into the classroom. I was called upon to head up committees and speak in front of parents and teachers groups because I was not afraid of being in front of audiences. So I used those skills. My first husband left show business to take over his father’s business after he remarried and another child so he could support them. And to this day he feels like he failed. I have a retirement pension from teaching, he is still working as a salesman. He told me last year when he cam to visit his grandchildren that I followed my dreams and taught school and can retire. I looked at him like he was nuts. HE doesn’t remember that I too wanted to be in the theatre. He was too self involved to remember that I had dreams too. I just rearranged my dreams and made my son more important than myself. He made himself more important and he is still unhappy. So there you go. I think sometimes, success is luck and attitude. I feel like a success. He doesn’t so there ya go. It is all attitude…..realistic dreams. dreams of grandeur rarely work out. Dreams of succeeding and working hard are attainable.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are happy with the life choices you made, which is wonderful! It’s really important to have a good outlook on life! If you still wanted to you could still be an actress if you want!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I have to agree with everything you said in this post, though I don’t always go for it myself. Your friend, having to live with the fact that he didn’t make it the way he desired to, wow. I guess it’s all failure, a better failure to go for it and fail, but a better failure than never knowing…

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I empathize with your musician friend and understand his logic. My husband is a very gifted guitarist who’s story parallels your friend’s. But the big difference is unlike your friend, Hubby never gave it his all. He never focused on one thing. I disagree with his summary – one only fails when one doesn’t try. Another check in the “No Regrets” column.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. People are often so afraid of failing that they never try something new, take a risk, or put themselves “out there.” There’s a wonderful old quote by John Shedd that sums it up pretty well: “A ship in harbor is safe—but that is not what ships are built for.” Avoiding failure or rejection is safe and maybe painless, but learning from failure, trying again in a slightly different way, and avoiding the deeper pain of never trying is why we’re on the planet. That way, we can quote another thought leader, George Bernard Shaw: “I want to be thoroughly used up when I die.” (Ah, I just realized I feel some passion for this topic–I needed this reminder today–thanks for bringing it up!)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. 😀😀I love that John Shedd quote. It’s perfect!! I figure rejection and failure are just signs that you went for it….and that’s a good thing!

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  9. Yes “What ifs” can be your worst nighmares. But doesn’t it happen sometimes that you look at all your school trophies, medals, and shields (things you held dearest as a child) and see them for what they are; objects made of plastic and glass? Don’t you hold your dream to the sunlight and scrutinize it; discovering what you thought to be a gem appears, now, a pebble? I would like to have your reviews. Btw great posts 👏

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks! I think you change your goals/dreams as you get older, and you just keep setting your sights higher. My daughter is proud of her past achievements, but keeps looking towards the next thing to go for

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I am the same way, I have to feel like I have done everything in my power to save, resurrect or accomplish a task. If I believe that I exhausted every avenue then I can accept the outcome, whatever it may be. But, I have had to also learn that not everyone I love needs to take that same approach to a situation. This is my method toward acceptance, not theirs. Ultimately if they are happy then the process is not my business. That is not so easy when applied to my kids! I have really had to step back and remind myself that they have their own path toward their own goals and I need to keep out of it! However, if they ask my advice….then they asked for it 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I take my daughters lead…if she wants something I support her in any way I can. But I don’t push. My mother was a pusher and it didn’t have great results, so I’m actually fairly laid back

      Liked by 1 person

  11. There is no failure just a change of direction. If you try you cant fail. The only way you fail is if you don’t try. You give and learn. I think the older we get the clearer we get on what direction we went to go. Go get em . Dilly dilly

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Ooooo this is always a tough one for me! I’m someone who does not like taking risks because, if I’m being honest, I can be a control freak and risks don’t equal comfort for me. Sometimes I find comfort in saying, ‘Nope! I never did ‘it’ because ‘it’ could have gone bad and the safer and therefore more logical decision would be not to do ‘it’. But then there’s this other side of me that says, ‘But what if ‘it’ doesn’t go bad and actually goes really well?’ I heard a quote that says, ‘What if I fall? But what if you fly?’ This is a great post! It’s got me thinking!

    Liked by 3 people

  13. I think it’s good you tried to contact the friend. Of course, maybe the person didn’t see it or whatever so I personally would not think that they 100% actively rejected you unless they say so, but if you feel you tried, I think it’s the best you can do. You can at least let it go for now or this decade or this million years, maybe. We all do our best, even if it isn’t that good–!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Love this “go for it” post! My life has always been on hold it seems. I never pursued the things I dreamed about. I turn 50 this year and I am gaining confidence from the responses I’m getting from blogging, and I am ready to pursue my dream- to be a psychologist and work with chronic pain patients helping them to live full lives with chronic pain or illnesses. I’m scared to death. I’ve never been on my own pursuing what Cindy wants but 2018 is my year!!

    Liked by 1 person

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