Last week I talked about the fight that the Husband and I had.  He wanted to have people over- I objected to the extra add in.  I’m going to talk about it a bit more.

After reading the post, my very wise blog friend Michele commented.  What she said was simple, yet powerful.  Though she understood my viewpoint entirely, she asked me if my Husband would have regrets about not having his Aunt and Uncle over.

Simple, right?

And so spot on the correct way to think about this situation.

When you choose to be in a relationship, and you do choose to be in one, you sometimes need to put your partners thoughts and wishes ahead of your own.  (to clarify, I mean with things you are not morally opposed to)  As a half of a couple, you sometimes need to help your partner through their particular path in life.  When my Husband wanted to get a graduate degree, I backed him up.  I took full responsibility for my daughter.  I got out of the house if he needed to have a study group at our house.  I did whatever possible to help him fulfill his dream.  Because that’s what a partner does.

My Husband’s Uncle is ill.  He is not going to get better.  If having his Uncle over for a game was really going to make Husband just a little more content, then who was I to screw that up?  In the list of things he could ask of me, this was such a small thing.  Michele was right.  This was one of those moments that I needed to put him first.

I want to write a novel.  He is supporting my dream.  Because he knows if I don’t take this shot, I am going to regret it the rest of my life.

We help our partners reach their dreams.  We assist them with their goals.  When you choose to be in a partnership, like it or not, you become a we.  You can have your own identity, but you have a shared identity as well.  I am Me. I am a wife.  I am a Mom.  I am a daughter.  I am a sister. I am a whole host of other things.  These are all parts that make up me, my past, my present, and my future.

Now to the more practical.

The concert was amazing.  Gorgeous music.  We didn’t know if we were going to make it though, cause the subways were wonky.  We got into our seats at exactly 2pm, the scheduled start of the concert.  But just lovely.

My Husband invited his Uncle and Aunt, but they were unable to attend.  So the invitation became a non event.  My Father in Law was the only one over.

Many of you had suggestions of easy food that I could prepare.  All wonderful ideas, except my Father in Law likes maybe 6 foods.  Let me give you some examples.  We took him to breakfast once, at a café known for breakfast.  They have about 15 egg dishes, pancakes, waffles, French toast.  Tons of stuff.  Father in law wanted a grilled cheese, which is not on the menu.  He berated the waiter for 15 minutes because they didn’t serve grilled cheese.  Scenario 2- I cooked a holiday dinner.  I made 6 course, plus appetizers.  He ate 2 pieces of ham.  2 pieces of ham.  He didn’t like the crudité  cause it’s raw veggies.  Didn’t like pea soup.  Didn’t like salad with dressing.  Didn’t like the roasted sweet potato’s.  Didn’t like Brussel sprouts.  Was loudly annoyed that we didn’t have bread with the meal.  Do you get the idea of why feeding him is a problem?

And my Husband was bored with the football games.

And thank you all for the amazing comments on this topic!  You all gave me a lot to think about, and ideas for future posts!!!!

38 thoughts on “The Fight- The Follow Up”

  2. Picky eaters are the worst! Seriously, I don’t get it. But I’m glad you relented on the visitor thing, even if it didn’t come to pass. Probably why you have a long, happy marriage. 🙂 At the end of the day, you know how to compromise with another human being- something that is incredibly hard for some people (me).

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  3. I wonder if he was always such a picky eater or if this is a later in life issue. Doesn’t help at all just wondering. If he was always this bad I am surprised your husband isn’t like that as there was not much selection in his house!

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    1. Oh….fil has always been picky. And trust me my husband can be a pain! This morning I heard for 15 minutes about the fact there is butternut squash in the soup I’m making tonight, even after I assured him I will roast in separately and my daughter and I can add it to our soup…..

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  5. I’m so glad you came to this conclusion. You are right, a husband-wife partnership is about each person giving of themselves- even when they don’t feel like it. And for the record, I can’t wait to read your novel! 😉

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  6. Marriage truly is a partnership, isn’t it…even at times when I remember being single fondly! Your husband sounds like mine – one that truly is a partner. There is give and take on both sides – thank you for your post – it’s both real and wise!

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  7. I’m glad you came to a decision that felt comfortable for you. When I read that post I knew I couldn’t comment…to much bias on my part regarding the issues you spoke of. I cannot see the road clearly on issues such as this so better to let those with greater perspective chime in.
    As to the FIL, I am curious about whenparkspeaks comment…if this pickiness is not life long one might wonder if it is associated with aging/health issues that are unspoken or ignored… It is very hard to imagine that someone can be so very obstinate about food, yet so very willing to enjoy a wonderful concert without complaint about length, seating, subway troubles, etc. I would assume a general level of crankiness overall, which may be a very wrong assumption.

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  8. Glad it all worked out. As for the games – a Giants fan nightmare – Eagles vs Patriots. For the first and hopefully only time ever I will be rooting for a Patriots win – ugh!

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  9. Give me baseball every time. Glad that the situation worked out as well as it did. Compromise and communication are the keys to a good marriage. Hard to remember sometimes. Even at 33 years it is not always easy.

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  13. I’m glad that it all worked out. Sometimes we get too close to these things and getting unemotional input is helpful. One question I often ask myself is “Is this the hill you want to die on?” Usually, it’s not, and compromise or even – gasp – giving in seems like the best decision.

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  14. I really should have read your post before I wrote mine. Even though we aren’t married, we have a partnership because we share a child. I need to remember that more often when things aren’t going the way I THINK THEY SHOULD. Thank you for writing what you do. You give me courage to write what I do.

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  16. Oh my goodness, maybe not the right response… but this made me laugh. Life’s a funny thing. But I agree, we should support the ones we love in what’s most important to them. Glad Sunday was relatively peaceful.

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