I am usually a somewhat kind person. Don’t get me wrong- I have mean days, days where I tell and tell people off. But for the most part, I’m fairly Ok. Today, I am going to write in a somewhat spirited and not altogether kind way about another woman. Sorry- sometimes women do things that piss me off, just like sometimes men do things that piss me off. But- be forewarned.
My Husband has a good friend from college. Great guy. Intelligent, funny, trustworthy, loyal, great Father, general good person. R used to be married. I will not mince words- I (and just about everyone) hated his ex wife- she was cold and calculating and rude. I saw the handwriting on the wall and their eventual break up. It was a nasty contentious divorce because she was being so petty about everything, and he gave in to just about everything, except joint custody of their teenage children. The kids were his Maginot Line.
While the divorce was in its final stages, he began trolling Facebook for women he had once been interested in during college, and for whatever reason, they never dated. I did not think this was a good idea. While I love the idea of this (I’m actually using it as a device in my novel) realistically, I find this a bad idea on so many levels. People change, and we’re all at different stages- can you expect the same attraction to be present? Also, I think it’s a little desperate- it’s like you just want a partner and it doesn’t matter who it is. You’re throwing out bait and hoping something catches on. So, I wasn’t crazy about this girlfriend through Facebook experiment.
But- he did begin dating two different girls- one was geographically desirable, so he ended up with the convenient one. In the beginning, my radar flashed me warning signs- I saw someone who took offense very easily, who would feel slighted very easily. He was going to have to walk on eggshells around her. For the record, I do not like to be around people that are overly sensitive. I like people who realize that not everything is a direct attack against them, and that people are not hiding things from you. These type of people are emotionally draining. I don’t like to be emotionally drained.
The more I got to know her, the more I realized my internal radar was correct. She is massively insecure. We had game night at my place- she lost every game we played. Now, we’re adults right? Does it really matter who won Apples to Apples? Well, the next time I saw her she told me that we were playing the game wrong. WTF? As my other friend said, well, we were all playing by the same rules, so really, but anyway…it was Apples to Apples. Who cares?
I planned an outing for our group. We were doing a scavenger hunt at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, through a group. I love things like this, clues, running around a museum- I think it’s fun. and, truthfully, I’m good at puzzles. So the day of the hunt, we had our team of 6. 3 of us were excellent at this, 2 of us were really good at writing down stuff and reading the map as we gave out directions, and 1 of us was stopping to look at all the art. During a timed race. In a museum on the same city in which we live. A museum I’m at at least monthly FYI- I mean- it’s right here! So, when she realized she wouldn’t be the “star”, she checked out of the game. Didn’t care at all that the rest of us were really into it. just checked out.
A few weeks ago, we were having a big group dinner- a group of about 16 people who hadn’t seen one another in awhile. We met at my place for drinks. They were the last to arrive, even though she lives the closest to me of the group. They had to walk her dog. Well, they were at our house for about 15 minutes before we left for the restaurant. As I was trying to shut lights and blow out candles and check on my own pets, she was whining to him about how her dog walker screwed up something, and the dog was not going to be walked. Remember, her 5 year old dog was walked a half hour before, and would be walked in a few hours. She kept whining and whining and whining. Finally, after badgering him, he left the party, with his friends, some of whom he hadn’t seen in awhile, to go across town to walk her dog. She sat at the table looking smug and self satisfied. It was the ultimate FU to the people at the table- she was making a power play. She was making sure we all knew that she was more important than his friends.
I don’t like this behavior. I don’t like insecurity. I don’t like people who try to separate someone from their friends. I don’t like manipulation of this magnitude. I don’t like bullying, and this is bullying.
She’s done about 1000 other little things that show what type of person she really is. I feel bad, because the guy R, is a quality guy. Yet he is now again in a relationship with someone who is not nice, or kind. He is again in a relationship with someone selfish. Obviously, there is something about this quality that draws him in.
Now, the other problem is, we all hate this woman so much, no one wants to see them as a couple. (Not that it matters- she’s not going to let him play with the others anyway) We also can’t say to him “Hey- your girlfriend is the ultimate Bitch” because, you know, my Husband keeps telling me I can’t. (Though, two of the other guys voted for me to tell him) But anyway.
Ok- thanks for letting me get off some steam. The situation sucks because we love this guy, and we can see the handwriting on the wall of what his life is going to look like. There are not enough good qualities in the world to counteract her bad ones.
And if you all have advice, would love to hear it, but really, my friends and I all know that there’s nothing we can do except hope that he doesn’t marry her.