There were four of them in the dorm room that day- 3 women and 1 guy.  One of the girls, Z was sort of dating the guy, (this was the eighties which meant they weren’t actually sleeping together)- the other two girls were there because they were bored and it was Saturday and not a party in sight.  Suddenly the door burst open and 3 guys entered, their sense of entitlement showcasing the fact that they were upper classmen.

“Hey A” the blonde one yelled “We heard a rumor that you have actual females in here.”

And he looked at her, and she looked at him and the world stopped for just a second.  She didn’t care that she was sort of, kind of dating A.  She actually forgot about him for a second, because all she knew what that she was completely besotted by this slightly older boy wearing a Hawaiian shirt.  As he was with her.

Do you think the kids of today experience this feeling from swiping right?

You know.  Tinder.  If you don’t know- Tinder is an app that apparently highlights available mates in your vicinity.  You scroll through pictures and swipe right on the promising ones, left on the ones you wouldn’t be caught dead with.  (Honestly, I don’t know if this is how it exactly works, so if anyone has a better description PLEASE chime in.  I really strive for accuracy in my blogs about sex)

So basically, it’s internet shopping.  You place people in your cart, try them on, and if you don’t like them, no harm, no foul, free returns.

But does your heart skip a beat by swiping right?

Millennials and Generation Z (kids born in this century) are certainly more tech savvy than their elders.  They are more gender fluid.  They are passionate and care about causes.  But are they missing out on love?

I guess you can ask- does the youth of today care about love?  Should they care about love?

Or are they just happy with sex?

I remember falling in love.  It was the greatest feeling in the world- I would not trade those memories for anything.  But am I a dinosaur?  Has falling in love become a thing of the past?  Is love going to go the way of eight track tapes and VCR’s?

Think about where kids read about love these days?  The Hunger Games- dystopian.  Divergent- dystopian.  Twilight- weird.  Pretty Little Liars- well, I know there was some murder and some stalking and I think characters hooked up……but you get the idea- are there even love stories for this generation?

So- here’s the question:  Is love over?

Discuss.

58 thoughts on “What’s Love got to do……….

  1. I really hope not but having had bad experiences online dating for the past six months, I’m kind of despairing a little. It all feels like instant gratification that isn’t very gratifying. My other single friends would totally agree, their experiences have been amazingly bad. Life is cyclical so I’m hoping that when my daughter who’s 8, is ready for finding her first love, ‘love’ will be back in fashion again!

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  2. Good morning. Love’s not over. It’s just morphing into something different in the last twenty to thirty years. I think in the past, when your attention span could be spent on people rather then technology and media, you had the time to cultivate love. Now, it’s just another ‘to-do’ item for many people. Not everyone. I believe society shifts, and we’ll see a focus on ‘old-fashioned’ ideals coming back in the next 5 to 10 years.

    When I was single and used a few dating apps, I often looked at profiles specifically to find people who weren’t just looking to ‘hook up’ but at the same time, there were many moments where it was all about how the person’s photos looked. Our generation seems a bit transitional more than others. We seem to still see both sides. Just my opinion!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I just read the TONY thing about sex and dating….the question was I’ve been with this guy for 6 months. I don’t know if he’s my boyfriend. The fact that someone asked this question, and I’m guessing it’s not uncommon, is cause to wonder. How much of a priority is live? So glad to have you back!!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not sure. I actually don’t think they care- I think they want instant gratification but are unwilling to commit to anything. They quit jobs quickly, they do things on whims, they’re all about experiences…..but I don’t think love is one of the experiences they’re interested in

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  3. I don’t think it is, but I do think that maybe it is just at a different priority level for the younger generations. Or that they are looking to get something different out of love. For one, I think both genders feel more secure in being alone now rather than needing another person for that security, so they don’t feel the same kind of need that an older generation feels or the need to latch onto it at a young age. Kind of like they are solid in their identity as an individual where as older generations tend to tie their identity to others so they feel a need that the younger generations don’t as much (if any of that makes sense).

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      1. I don’t think so, not at it’s core. That part is still the same. I just think they hold it at a different level of priority or importance. I also think it depends on where they are at in their lives. I think more of the older generations view love and deep relationships on a need level where the younger generations view it more along the lines of… want but not necessary?

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  4. With dystopia leading the menu, why the surprise at the young dinning out on… but an inclination. Nothing new. Commitment problematic since at least the Lost Generation. Pardon the post-Postmodern pablum.

    Is love over? No, but to too treacle the metaphor, matters of the heart has become more Γ€ la carte then carte blanche.

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  5. Love isn’t dead. Love is very much in the air for us Millennials. What’s different from previous generations is the emphasis we place on marriage. It used to be (or it seems to me) that you graduated from high school and got married. Or you went to college, met someone there, and got married. Either way, the end result of the relationship was marriage.

    These days, we don’t see marriage as the happily-ever-after that the media likes to portray it as. And thanks to the slow recovery after the financial crisis and crazy amounts of student debt that many twenty-somethings have, adding an expensive wedding to the mix, or seeking a partner when you’re struggling to find a job that pays more than minimum wage doesn’t always make sense. We also recognize that, while the law sees marriage as the only valid state of couplehood, there are a lot of different kinds of relationships that make sense to individual couples, like friends of mine who have been together for years but aren’t interested in getting married or even living together. They are happy. I have friends who just celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary. They are happy, too. My single friends aren’t bemoaning their singleness, because they don’t see themselves as lacking because they don’t have a significant other.

    So no, love isn’t dead. We Millennials want to find someone to be happy with, as much as anyone. I just don’t think we’re as sold on the institution of marriage as previous generations.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally get what you say about marriage. I got married the first time at 25 and it was a huge mistake. And I’m not a fan of big weddings….my second wedding was small. But I guess I don’t see romance or courtship anymore. I loved going on dates, and the whole getting to know you stage. I loved the first time I met someone I was interested in- the whole adrenaline rush. I don’t see that anymore. I have some neighbors in their twenties, and all their interactions seem so clinical. But thank you for great feedback and things I hadn’t really thought of!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but I live on a floor with mostly single women (though honestly, I think my family and the other family on the floor are a pretty effective form of birth control) and most of them would like a little thoughtfulness…just small gestures. Honestly, the most romantic thing my husband does for me if taking the dog on the late walk, cause I hate the last walk of the night. But in my twenties, I dated a guy who took me on a short picnic during lunch. And I had guys for just really cute creative things that were sweet, like notes on car window ( I had one boyfriend who would wash my car) and maybe planning a special night….one guy rented The Godfather and made really bad spaghetti and meatballs, but it was sweet.

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      2. Younger generations do this kind of thing, too! But Tinder and other forms of social media get noticed because they’re new. Romance is not gone just because of Facebook and Tinder. It’s just different. Just as it was different in the 1910s than it was in the Victorian era. It was different in the 1950s than it was in the 1930s, etcetera. Times change, expressions of love change, but love never dies. Romance is still out there, it’s just different.

        And partly, I’m getting tired of rolling my eyes whenever I see another “Millennials are killing ________”. My eyes are going to roll right out of my head one of these days…

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I know. My generation can’t help it….πŸ˜€were still getting over how the 50s was truly happy days…..my daughter had a really interesting assignment on generation z and the millenials. It’s what got me started on this thought, cause we were discussing the whole generation gap thing this past weekend. But I see my daughter and her friends and they are too young to be so jaded about love and romance. I don’t care if she dates or whatever, I’m actually thrilled she has her priorities straight, but sometimes I’d like to see teenage girls giggling about romance instead of talking about the acceptance rates at top 100 schools and what they wNt to do for sat tutoring.

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      4. *lol* When I was a teenager, my classmates who giggled about romance got on my nerves. I was worried about getting into college ahd counting down the days ’til I could get out of my tiny little town.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. My daughter and her friends are all about grades and getting into college, but I want her to enjoy being 15 just a little. If I ever catch her texts, 95% of them are about honework……i just want a little fun and whimsy

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      6. I know. I just keep telling her “have fun” and she smirks….but she did see ed Sheehan the other night, so that’s a plus! On another note…did you post today? I was crazy busy and I’m catching up now, but I didn’t know if I missed you

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      7. I did not! It was dreary and rainy yesterday, and went out for dinner last night and just wasn’t thrilled with anything I photographed yesterday. So no post today. Maybe tomorrow!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I hope love is not over. I have to say though it’s not just dating apps. It’s dependence on social media that is breaking up couples or causing rifts in relationships. I’ve seen it happen. We (I’m generalizing here) have become a society of virtual citizens whether it’s texting, Facebook, instagram etc. – it’s too easy to find someone else to soothe your pain when things aren’t so easy in your own relationship. Some of what I am saying may seem like hyperbole but unfortunately it is reality.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I don’t think love is dead, but perhaps romance has taken a hit. There was something so utterly intriguing about wondering if the guy you liked was going to call. Now, you can track him on your I-Phone. There’s no sense of mystery.

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  8. When I was in college I had a study partner who commuted who was in his late 50’s. He was going back to school out of pure enjoyment, and the zeal in which he attacked our studies was amazing. I couldn’t keep up with him, but he was a role model of sorts back then. Reading your post makes me realize that love is probably also a better experience when you’re older. At least that’s my view at 57 and on my second marriage. – Marty

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m on my second marriage too, and I agree, marriage is better left to the professionals….but, I do remember some really fun dates and stuff…..though I’ve been properly schooled by Kim that millenials do indeed know about love and such….they’re just in a different place. My age is showing I’m afraid!

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  9. I wouldn’t say it’s over… It never will be. I’d say it’s judged by different yardsticks now. So if today’s teens call sleeping together within the first few dates love, so ok, they have the freedom to do that. What’s missing is the commitment and patience that make a love stay. We are spoilt for choices. You out it rightly ‘tinder is like shopping… You shop for people’. Now when folks have so much variety that they won’t even be loyal to a single football team, why would they to a relationship which requires far more effort? But that’s love today… Maybe a few decades later it will be something else. We can only love and let some one love us by our standards. We can’t help what others do.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I don’t think it’s dead, but I do think people meet each other differently now. And it would seem to me that some potential relationships are lost simply because a person doesn’t present themselves well on social media. You have to get to know someone before you can really tell if you want to be with them or not.

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  11. I don’t know about you but when it came to college, sex, and true love…only two of those three items regularly intersected. The third came along years later. I’m not saying which happened when, but I suspect that you can piece it together. πŸ˜‰

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  12. Eight track tapes 🀣 I remember them.
    I hope love’s not over, but I still find it hard to understand why young people would much rather find someone with an app than go out and actually meet real people, in the flesh as it were. There’s no romance in an app, I remember going out, someone caught you eye, you passed glances at each other, move slowly towards each other, smiled, chatted. Ahh the good old days πŸ˜‰ That said everything is don’t like that now, kids even talk to each other using their phones when they are in the same room.

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