The other day I
hijacked responded to a comment on someone else’s blog- because I don’t only give my opinion on my blog, but on other blogs as well. The post was about how we should choose to be happy, and work towards that- a sentiment I highly endorse. A reader commented “How do I get over my ex boyfriend” (which really didn’t correspond to the blog, but I felt compelled to butt in) I responded, “You may never get over your ex.”
You may never get over an ex.
Now- what does this mean?
Some people enter your life, your brain, your soul. They become a piece of you- their essence is tattooed onto your heart.
Now this is something coming from a non-romantic curmudgeon like me. First, you find out I believe in love at first sight. Now I think you might not get over an ex. Next thing, I’ll be telling you I believe in soul mates……Has the world stopped spinning?
No. I’m still pretty cynical about all things love. That was the fault of the horrible first husband. He sort of crushed my spirit, but he doesn’t remain in my heart, or anyplace else in my life. And he is not the person I never got over- trust me- I got over the love part with ex-h pretty quickly. Like while we were still married quickly…..
But now to the pesky person still lodged in my soul.
Cue the harp music……I met a guy in college. I fell in love- my first love. I was young and stupid- my Mother had way too much control over me. You know how people ask, if you could have a redo in life, when would that be? I don’t believe in do-overs, I think everything happens for a reason and makes you the person you are. Every single action in my life led me to my daughter. I’m more than OK with my life- it’s pretty damn good. But- if you pressed me- I would tell you that I would like to take another stab at 1984- Big Brother or not….
Some people make a lasting impression. I have looked for the qualities I loved about this person in every man I dated. If someone liked Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I would go out with them. This made for a lot of interesting experiences, but I was never able to replicate that feeling I had with “B”. And the missing piece of my heart remained lost.
So what do you do? What did I do?
I just got on with my life. I dated, had sex, married a crappy guy, divorced, remarried, had a kid. I worked, worked harder, got promoted, had a career. I played tennis, met some new friends, went to movies….I got on with my life. I continue to have a full and rich life- good times and bad. Because I couldn’t wallow around in misery forever. I didn’t want to be sitting in a dusty house wearing a wedding dress- I had great expectations……And I filled them.
However, 30 years later, I have never filled that little hole in my heart. And while I don’t think about him every day, sometimes, he creeps into my thoughts. And for a second, I smile. And maybe I smile because I remember being young, or because life was simpler then. Maybe it’s because there is something special about first love. Or maybe it’s because some people are just meant to take a little piece of your heart. Fade out- cue the Janis Joplin……..