The other day I hijacked responded to a comment on someone else’s blog- because I don’t only give my opinion on my blog, but on other blogs as well.  The post was about how we should choose to be happy, and work towards that- a sentiment I highly endorse.  A reader commented “How do I get over my ex boyfriend” (which really didn’t correspond to the blog, but I felt compelled to butt in)  I responded, “You may never get over your ex.”

You may never get over an ex.

Now- what does this mean?

Some people enter your life, your brain, your soul.  They become a piece of you- their essence is tattooed onto your heart.

Now this is something coming from a non-romantic curmudgeon like me.  First, you find out I believe in love at first sight.   Now I think you might not get over an ex.  Next thing, I’ll be telling you I believe in soul mates……Has the world stopped spinning?

No.  I’m still pretty cynical about all things love.  That was the fault of the horrible first husband.  He sort of crushed my spirit, but he doesn’t remain in my heart, or anyplace else in my life.  And he is not the person I never got over- trust me- I got over the love part with ex-h pretty quickly.  Like while we were still married quickly…..

But now to the pesky person still lodged in my soul.

Cue the harp music……I met a guy in college.  I fell in love- my first love.  I was young and stupid- my Mother had way too much control over me.  You know how people ask, if you could have a redo in life, when would that be?  I don’t believe in do-overs, I think everything happens for a reason and makes you the person you are.  Every single action in my life led me to my daughter.   I’m more than OK with my life- it’s pretty damn good.  But- if you pressed me- I would tell you that I would like to take another stab at 1984- Big Brother or not….

Some people make a lasting impression.  I have looked for the qualities I loved about this person in every man I dated.  If someone liked Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I would go out with them.  This made for a lot of interesting experiences, but I was never able to replicate that feeling I had with “B”.  And the missing piece of my heart remained lost.

So what do you do?  What did I do?

I just got on with my life.  I dated, had sex, married a crappy guy, divorced, remarried, had a kid.  I worked, worked harder, got promoted, had a career.  I played tennis, met some new friends, went to movies….I got on with my life.  I continue to have a full and rich life- good times and bad.  Because I couldn’t wallow around in misery forever.  I didn’t want to be sitting in a dusty house wearing  a wedding dress- I had great expectations……And I filled them.

However, 30 years later, I have never filled that little hole in my heart.  And while I don’t think about him every day, sometimes, he creeps into my thoughts.  And for a second, I smile.  And maybe I smile because I remember being young, or because life was simpler then.  Maybe it’s because there is something special about first love.  Or maybe it’s because some people are just meant to take a little piece of your heart.  Fade out- cue the Janis Joplin……..


51 thoughts on “Not So Over It

  1. A breath of honesty. I’m glad to read it and know that you can acknowledge it. Not easy stuff for most people. Quite admirable. I’ve had a habit of completely cutting ties with someone when we end the relationship, unwilling to open doors again. I still think about them, wonder what could have been, tho. Great share today.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Great post Waking. I think we all have that one college love that stays with us. At that age, you love with reckless abandon. But then you realize that the feeling isn’t exactly mutual or the guy is seeing someone on the side. You move on, but the memories remain.

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  3. I really think that if everyone were totally honest then we would all admit YES – ME TOO!
    Mine was Susan Margaret Wood, my first “real” love, on and off from age 14 until 21. If I met her today I would be a useless mushy lump, some 50 years later!

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  4. So beautiful and so true. I never forgot the love of my life — thought about him every single stinkin’ day — but I lived and enjoyed life. Then, 17 years later — we were reunited. It was bliss when we were together the first time, and it’s still bliss today. We both know we’re among the lucky.

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  5. I love your candidness about this subject. My experience was much like that of Peter’s above. But fortunately I met the man of my dreams at age twenty-five, and I realize that he is the best man for me. Twenty-three years of marriage later I still feel that way. My memories of carefree, reckless abandon with my childhood love are looked at through rose-tinted glasses. Youth made it fun and fanciful. Although we did share quite a bond, and I felt like I was madly in love, the deep, enduring love I have with my husband is a more mature love, and that’s the one that counts.

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  6. As much as I truly love my husband, I also have that little piece missing from my soul. I wouldn’t trade my Mr Sunshine for anything; but sometimes I think back and miss the breathless intensity of the one that got away

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh Yeah…that relationship…the one without requiem… that resorts to random reruns of off the cuff conjure and conjecture of could have beens. Touchingly too true.

    Fine write. And fun.


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  8. Good post. I actually got a second chance with my first love – about 5 years after we broke up the first time. It was a brief reunion, and we parted as friends. We realized how different we’d become, and how, if we had stayed together originally, neither one of us would have been happy. So I let go of “the one who got away.” I also believe we are the sum of all our parts. My first love was probably the best first love I could have asked for. The memory of him will always have a special place in my heart. Notice I said “the memory of him” and not “him.” That comes with time and space and growth.

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  9. Loved this read. I am having one hell of a time getting over my ex-h AND I initiated the divorce! Our divorce was finalized April this year…and then he became this man I wanted when we were married. He got himself a full time job teaching, and even began the Master’s program. I have a bf now, but I just can’t move on and stop thinking about my ex-h like we are still supposed to be together. How do you just move on? How do you let go? Advice welcomed!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just found things I enjoyed doing, started to fulfill dreams – career, hobbies. These are not time fillers…..these are legitimate things that make you feel happy and fulfilled. The goal is to make you the best you possible! Happiness starts with yourself….no person can actually make you happy (but they CAN make you miserable). Work on things that make you happy, and you will be happy. Not every minute of every day, but most of the time. Relax Nd be open to different things

      Liked by 1 person

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