• When my daughter got wind of yesterday’s topic- there was a bit of eye rolling.  “Really?  You don’t think you have expectations of me?”  Yes- she’s right, I’m wrong.  I said it.  While I don’t expect her to stay in New York, get married or have children, I do expect the following.
  • Self-confidence.  Don’t confuse this with cockiness.  I mean, when she wakes up in the morning she knows she has value and worth as a person.  She has to own who she is- quirks and all
  • Empathy.  I want her to understand that some people have not been as fortunate as others.  And everyone has some sort of cross to bare
  • Self- respect.  To not let others treat her with disrespect
  • Respect- to always treat others with respect, not to degrade another person, or animal, or belief system
  • Take care of health and body- sleep, eat properly and drink water.  Exercise.  Listen to the cues your body is sending.
  • Take care of your emotional health.  Understand your emotions and deal with them in a healthy manner
  • Lead a balanced life- I know I’m skating on thin ice with this one.  My daughter likes to study.  She also has a bunch of extracurricular clubs, and community service and a tutoring job.  She can sometimes forget about socializing.  I make her see her friends in a social setting for at least a few hours a week.  I ask her if two hours at brunch or shopping at Urban Outfitters will seriously screw up the space time continuum.  I do not do this at the end of a marking period though.  I respect that she has 72 hours worth of work to fit into a 24 hour time span.
  • Think about the consequences of an action before she carries it out, and take responsibility of that action if it goes awry.  I may or may not bail her out
  • Don’t cheat.
  • Don’t take things that are not hers
  • Take responsibility for her bedroom.  Help with household chores.  Help take care of the pets
  • If their is a problem with a teacher, coach, boss, whatever, she handle the situation herself.  I’ll always be there to back her up, but if she thinks something isn’t fair or right, it’s her battle to fight.
  • Be a Met fan.  There is no rooting for another baseball team if you live under this roof.
  • The following are more hopes than expectations:
  • Try not to hurt other people.  I realize that sometimes you can’t help this.  But don’t hurt others intentionally.
  • Surround herself with positive people that encourage and motivate, and don’t take advantage of her
  • Try her best at everything she does.  That does not mean being the best, or winning or getting A’s.
  • And there you have it……

ps- WordPress was not my friend today.  I apologize if you already saw this post.  There were some funky publishing issues that I sort of understand, but don’t really understand!  Thanks!

15 thoughts on “What did you expect….”

  1. I really empathized with your post yesterday and the response of your daughter today as well as the honesty about the fact that as parents, of course we have expectations, some well-informed and well intentioned–others way off base and very misguided.
    All this had me thinking though, as I have traveled down this newly minted divorce path for some time now, that our kids have (rather they admit it or not) expectations of us as well, as guiding adults and parents. I have sensed it during my journey and it’s done a few things for me: at times made me feel selfish, at times made me quite clearly understand how I may have placed myself in my children’s lives without thinking first, at times made me resentful of them.
    It is difficult to raise them and not hold expectations, but I found that clearly I’m not the only one in my world that plans for an outcome they may not be reality.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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