I had a mountain of paperwork to slog through last night- my desk was hidden under piles.  True- the piles were labeled- “to be done- June”, “to be done May”….but these mountains needed to be conquered.  And it was going to be a long time till I even reached base camp.  When life gets like this, I need someone special in my corner.  Who you ask? (I’m assuming you’re riveted and can’t wait to find out……..)

Mindless TV.

I love mindless TV.  My choices are either Big Bang reruns, HGTV, or Hallmark Mystery Channel.  The winner last night was Jessica Fletcher.  I love a town where the population counter keeps going down because someone gets murdered every week.  I like to imagine that Jessica’s house contains about a thousand closets, because did you ever notice that she always has the exact right outfit to wear, no matter what the occasion?  Who knew that the lifestyle of Cabot Cove would have a need for about a dozen ball gowns?  I live in NYC, and I currently have 0 ball gowns hanging out in my closet.  Really- we should have the same stuff- we’re both real/faux writers……

Along with tales of murder and mayhem, Hallmark Mystery offers something else.  Commercials.  Have you ever seen the commercials they play during the shows?  My favorite might be the one that points out that I have crepey neck skin.  I already obsess about my not so flat abs, not so tone arms, laugh lines around my lips, and the bags under my eyes.  I didn’t think about my neck.  I’ve lived my entire life thinking that my neck would stay forever youthful…but no.  It turns out that you can tell how old someone is by counting the lines on their neck.  Good thing there is an international super model there to point this out.

As if the trauma of crepey neck skin isn’t enough- I got another shock last night.  Somehow I have missed that it’s Christmas in July.  It’s not on my holiday calendar that I upload to my phone, iPad and laptop.  So how did this happen?

No really.  Why did this happen?  Why are there ads for sales on Christmas merchandise?

Why are they showing Christmas movies?

It’s July.

You know, where Americans celebrate Independence Day.

Where it’s 3000% humidity in NYC.

It’s taken me years to reconcile hearing Christmas music before Halloween.  Am I just days away from hearing carols on the radio?

To be clear- I am no Scrooge.  I love the time of year between American Thanksgiving and the New Year.  I decorate my apartment.  We trim the tree as we light  Hanukah candles (multi cultural household).  I am down for celebrating every religion, every person- I love the holiday season.  I look forward to the holiday season.  When it is between the end of November and January 1.

Am I being too much of an aspiring curmudgeon?  Am I overthinking this? (cause I never overthink anything, ever)

So I did what we all do when faced with deep thoughts on life:  I googled. I googled  Christmas in July.  You know those moments in life that you instantly regret?  Count this as one of them.

Apparently, people throw Christmas in July parties.  There are Pinterest boards about Christmas in July.  An amusement park is having BOGO to celebrate Christmas in July.

And on that note- all I can say is I’m sorry.  I’ve been a bit pre-occupied.  Your holiday greeting cards are going to be late this year.  I won’t be sending them out until December.

 

 

31 thoughts on ““It’s Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas in July……””

  2. Crepy neck skin sucks, but Christmas in July sucks more! UGH – isn’t it bad enough NOW with Christmas ornaments out right next to the Halloween “ornaments”. Puh-leeeze!
    fab post as always

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  3. I am in full agreement. I love Christmas, but if you have it all the time, you lose a piece of the special that emanates from its core. I don’t mind a single reminder of it in July, but it can’t be this big thing everyone celebrates.

    and I love Jessica Fletcher. I’ve played the board game!!! Nothing like a group of drunk guys having to hide in the bathroom in Fire Island while the murderer chooses who to kill on the game board! But I don’t own a ball gown either, sorry!

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      1. 😂😂😂 I know, hahah! I have learned when my daughter will need flip flops for summer, to buy them in February when they hit the shelves cause they will be gone when the time comes. And I’ve learned when she needs snowpants or boots, to buy them…well, now! Instead of making fun of it. Cause in December that crap will be nowhere to be found! Just like pumpkins in October!

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  5. I first learned of Christmas in July as a child. It was a missions outreach, i think. My cousin held a Christmas in July party complete with a tree decorated with flip flops and summer themes. It was fun. Now those crepey neck ads are not fun. Yuck!

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  6. My mindless TV of choice is BBCAmerica. I don’t care about the shows, but enjoy hearing a different accent speak English– even if it is during the commercials. I didn’t know that Christmas in July is an official thing, but now that I do I wonder even more about those people who believe there’s a war on Christmas. Any holiday that can get itself promoted during two months, is not on the decline. Just saying…

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  7. Christmas in July had an innocent beginning. Back when people used to make presents for people they actually had to start, well, in July. So in reality you are supposed to be knitting scarves and um, sewing stuff right now. I hope this helps 🙂

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  10. Found your blog through your likes and just wanted to say I love it! You’re my kind of sarcastic. I’m still on the “right” side of forty (not for *too* long though) but we waited a long time to a baby, much older than most women in the country where I live, so sometimes I feel older than I am!

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  11. Can I just say, I don’t see commercials. I usually tune them out and let my mind race about things. If I see and hear a commercial, it was a good one, effective, cuz I saw it. I would be great for advertisers to screen these things, to see if they will work. Haha

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  12. I always heard that Christmas in July was supposed to celebrate that we were halfway through the year to the next Christmas. But that always bothered me, because then shouldn’t it be Christmas in June?

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  14. I read this post the other day and was utterly tickled with it. I keep composing songs in my head that use the words “crepey neck skin” and the music of “Winter Wonderland.” You would be surprised how many lines you could create. I’m still laughing. Who is Jessica Fletcher, what is her association with homicidal crepey neck skin, and does she throw it over her shoulder like a continental soldier whenever she hunts it down in one of her countless ball gowns???

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