I had a mountain of paperwork to slog through last night- my desk was hidden under piles. True- the piles were labeled- “to be done- June”, “to be done May”….but these mountains needed to be conquered. And it was going to be a long time till I even reached base camp. When life gets like this, I need someone special in my corner. Who you ask? (I’m assuming you’re riveted and can’t wait to find out……..)
Mindless TV.
I love mindless TV. My choices are either Big Bang reruns, HGTV, or Hallmark Mystery Channel. The winner last night was Jessica Fletcher. I love a town where the population counter keeps going down because someone gets murdered every week. I like to imagine that Jessica’s house contains about a thousand closets, because did you ever notice that she always has the exact right outfit to wear, no matter what the occasion? Who knew that the lifestyle of Cabot Cove would have a need for about a dozen ball gowns? I live in NYC, and I currently have 0 ball gowns hanging out in my closet. Really- we should have the same stuff- we’re both real/faux writers……
Along with tales of murder and mayhem, Hallmark Mystery offers something else. Commercials. Have you ever seen the commercials they play during the shows? My favorite might be the one that points out that I have crepey neck skin. I already obsess about my not so flat abs, not so tone arms, laugh lines around my lips, and the bags under my eyes. I didn’t think about my neck. I’ve lived my entire life thinking that my neck would stay forever youthful…but no. It turns out that you can tell how old someone is by counting the lines on their neck. Good thing there is an international super model there to point this out.
As if the trauma of crepey neck skin isn’t enough- I got another shock last night. Somehow I have missed that it’s Christmas in July. It’s not on my holiday calendar that I upload to my phone, iPad and laptop. So how did this happen?
No really. Why did this happen? Why are there ads for sales on Christmas merchandise?
Why are they showing Christmas movies?
It’s July.
You know, where Americans celebrate Independence Day.
Where it’s 3000% humidity in NYC.
It’s taken me years to reconcile hearing Christmas music before Halloween. Am I just days away from hearing carols on the radio?
To be clear- I am no Scrooge. I love the time of year between American Thanksgiving and the New Year. I decorate my apartment. We trim the tree as we light Hanukah candles (multi cultural household). I am down for celebrating every religion, every person- I love the holiday season. I look forward to the holiday season. When it is between the end of November and January 1.
Am I being too much of an aspiring curmudgeon? Am I overthinking this? (cause I never overthink anything, ever)
So I did what we all do when faced with deep thoughts on life: I googled. I googled Christmas in July. You know those moments in life that you instantly regret? Count this as one of them.
Apparently, people throw Christmas in July parties. There are Pinterest boards about Christmas in July. An amusement park is having BOGO to celebrate Christmas in July.
And on that note- all I can say is I’m sorry. I’ve been a bit pre-occupied. Your holiday greeting cards are going to be late this year. I won’t be sending them out until December.
Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50 
You go, girl!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Crepy neck skin sucks, but Christmas in July sucks more! UGH – isn’t it bad enough NOW with Christmas ornaments out right next to the Halloween “ornaments”. Puh-leeeze!
fab post as always
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! Can you imagine!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am in full agreement. I love Christmas, but if you have it all the time, you lose a piece of the special that emanates from its core. I don’t mind a single reminder of it in July, but it can’t be this big thing everyone celebrates.
and I love Jessica Fletcher. I’ve played the board game!!! Nothing like a group of drunk guys having to hide in the bathroom in Fire Island while the murderer chooses who to kill on the game board! But I don’t own a ball gown either, sorry!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ohhh….I never played the board game! Omg how did I miss that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thought it was bad enough when i saw carvable pumpkins at Michaels last week!…then I saw the wreaths on the side wall! 🎅🎅🎅
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know! It’s crazy! What kills me is when I go to michaels about a week before Halloween and they’re completely out of everything
LikeLike
😂😂😂 I know, hahah! I have learned when my daughter will need flip flops for summer, to buy them in February when they hit the shelves cause they will be gone when the time comes. And I’ve learned when she needs snowpants or boots, to buy them…well, now! Instead of making fun of it. Cause in December that crap will be nowhere to be found! Just like pumpkins in October!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I always think I’m organized and that I plan ahead, but sometimes……
LikeLike
I first learned of Christmas in July as a child. It was a missions outreach, i think. My cousin held a Christmas in July party complete with a tree decorated with flip flops and summer themes. It was fun. Now those crepey neck ads are not fun. Yuck!
LikeLike
My mindless TV of choice is BBCAmerica. I don’t care about the shows, but enjoy hearing a different accent speak English– even if it is during the commercials. I didn’t know that Christmas in July is an official thing, but now that I do I wonder even more about those people who believe there’s a war on Christmas. Any holiday that can get itself promoted during two months, is not on the decline. Just saying…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love broadchurch but I didn’t see yesterday’s yet…..
LikeLike
Christmas in July had an innocent beginning. Back when people used to make presents for people they actually had to start, well, in July. So in reality you are supposed to be knitting scarves and um, sewing stuff right now. I hope this helps 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
That makes sense to me. I get that. I don’t understand all the commercial stuff. Thanks!
LikeLike
Christmas has become such a money grab, it drives me crazy!
I nominated you for the Liebster Award. No obligation to participate of course, but it’s right here if you’d like to check it out! Liebster Award
Jo-Ann
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are very welcome!
LikeLiked by 1 person
“aspiring curmudgeon”… Oh I have tears in my eyes laughing. Can you imagine? “I want to grow up to be a curmudgeon!!!”
LikeLiked by 1 person
I take my curmudgeonness very seriously…..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Found your blog through your likes and just wanted to say I love it! You’re my kind of sarcastic. I’m still on the “right” side of forty (not for *too* long though) but we waited a long time to a baby, much older than most women in the country where I live, so sometimes I feel older than I am!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was 37 when I had my daughter. I think I was a much better parent because of it. I don’t think I would have been good as a parent if I’d had a child in my twenties
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was 36! If I’d been younger, I think maybe I would have had more energy for the gig, but definitely less maturity, and a lower bs filter!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was too selfish when I was younger. My priorities were totally different. Though yes, sitting on the floor for extended periods of time crushed my back and knees….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Can I just say, I don’t see commercials. I usually tune them out and let my mind race about things. If I see and hear a commercial, it was a good one, effective, cuz I saw it. I would be great for advertisers to screen these things, to see if they will work. Haha
LikeLiked by 1 person
I always heard that Christmas in July was supposed to celebrate that we were halfway through the year to the next Christmas. But that always bothered me, because then shouldn’t it be Christmas in June?
LikeLiked by 1 person
True. And I sort of get it….but not totally….
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t even think about Christmas when it’s this freaking hot outside 😣
LikeLiked by 1 person
I read this post the other day and was utterly tickled with it. I keep composing songs in my head that use the words “crepey neck skin” and the music of “Winter Wonderland.” You would be surprised how many lines you could create. I’m still laughing. Who is Jessica Fletcher, what is her association with homicidal crepey neck skin, and does she throw it over her shoulder like a continental soldier whenever she hunts it down in one of her countless ball gowns???
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is what I love about you…..your ability to see the bigger picture in all that I write about.
LikeLike
Ha ha! This was a really funny post. Thank you. 🙂 The thing about the neck is great.
Have a wonderful rest of your weekend.
Blessings,
Debbie
LikeLiked by 1 person
You too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Omg my neighbor actually had a legit Chtistnas in July family gathering with brisket and salmon. It was a all out December meal. 90plus degrees on Long Island. Beer, hot dogs, burgers and frozen concoctions were the offerings at my house. Nice normal neighbors did this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I. don’t. Understand. At all…..crazy!
LikeLiked by 1 person