I Want it, I want it not

Blog friend Claudette wrote an interesting post last week regarding things we want vs things we don’t want.https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/107079447 I was having trouble getting the post link for some reason, but hopefully this is Claudette’s link and you can read all her posts…

But anyway…

What are things that you want? What are things that you don’t want? I’ll go first:

WANTS

  1. WordPress to work consistently even after an “upgrade”
  2. People to disagree with me
  3. loose leaf hot tea to drink
  4. books to read
  5. a warm bath
  6. well directed and written movies in theaters
  7. enthralling live music and shows
  8. art that makes me think
  9. to think out the next five steps
  10. to figure out the days Wordle
  11. to figure out the crossword puzzle
  12. pets
  13. eggs and milk in the fridge when I am about to make breakfast
  14. to be accepted for who I am

DON’T WANT

  1. drama unless I’m paying to watch it
  2. excuses
  3. hypocrisy
  4. judgement
  5. books with bad endings
  6. anything that makes me feel bad about aging
  7. COVID to rule my life
  8. censorship
  9. yellow or orange clothing
  10. zoom meetings or gatherings
  11. obligations

Memories

The Book: Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty

The Quote: What was the actual benefit of accuracy when it comes to memories?

Did you ever here that old ditty “I remember it well?”. It’s basically a song about two people who have very different recollection of the last time they met…

Does it matter if our memories are accurate?

or

Is there no such thing as an accurate memory because each individual takes something from a moment that is unique because our perception is our reality?

The other day I was talking to my Husband about something. I related a story from years past- I reminded him of something he did to piss me off (I didn’t just dredge this up- it was germane to a discussion we were having at that moment and I was using it to prove a point- my anecdotal evidence so to speak).

He could not remember the story of which I spoke.

Not one shred of memory.

He did something that irked me so much that I know we had words about it (for the record it was a battle that I wanted to fight).

And he said he never did such a thing.

To be fair, his not remembering pissed me off more than the original transgression did. Because I remember it well…

At least I think I remember it well…

How much does my remembering something that my husband swears never happened matter in the grand scheme of things? I mean, this was something he did that hurt me emotionally- where I thought he violated my trust. And I never wanted him to do it again.

But if he doesn’t even remember doing it?

Should I be mad that he doesn’t have the same memory of the event that I have?

How do you proceed if people have different memories of an event?

Should you try not to bring up things from the past, because they just don’t matter?

I know….so many questions…

Pick one or two or all and share your thoughts:

Bloganuary Day 18: What book is next on your reading list?

OK- so they have me talking about books…

Let’s start with what I recently finished:

  1. When Ghosts Come Home by Wiley Cash
  2. The Last Thing He Told Me by Laura Dave
  3. The Maid by Nita Prose (is that her real name- I mean really- an author named prose?)

What I’m reading now:

  1. Zen: The Art of Simple Living by Shunmyo Masuno
  2. The Best of Me by David Sedaris
  3. The Home Edit Life: The Complete Guide to Organizing Absolutely everything at work, home and on the go by Clea Shearer
  4. The Narrowboat Summer by Anne Youngson
  5. A Deadly Affair by Agatha Christie
  6. A Year of Positive Thinking: Daily Inspiration, Wisdom and Courage by Cyndie Spiegel
  7. The Comfort Book by Matt Haig

WHAT’S NEXT:

The Exiles by Christina Baker Kline

Mommy, Fix It

The Book: Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty

The Quote: What she remembered was the extraordinary, astonishing pain, and her fury with her Mother for not fixing it. She didn’t expect her dad or the doctors to fix it. She expected her mother to fix it.

Do we have higher expectations of Mother’s than anyone else?

Do we think that Mother’s can do the extraordinary? That Mother’s are omnipotent? That Mom’s just get it done?

Are daughters more apt to rely on Mom’s, with sons relying more on Dad’s- or does everyone reach out to their Mom’s?

I’m going to try to not butt my two cents in, and leave this open for the group:

Discuss

Bloganuary Day 17: What is a superpower you’d love to have?

I have two favorite Christmas movies: A Christmas Carol (1951) and It’s a Wonderful Life. I watch them every year on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

If you know anything about either of these movies, you will know that they both have spirit guides, so to speak, who are able to show the character what the future holds. In both cases, it enables the main characters to change their ways and thoughts.

Powerful stuff.

I wish I could be a spirit guide so that I could show people what the future holds if they continue to do things as they do.

I don’t think people think too much about the consequences of their actions. I think people just act or react, without much thought to what will actually happen. They errantly assume that something is right, without fully weighing all the things about it that could be wrong. Sometimes people see things as they see them, instead of the way that they really are… While it’s lovely to have ideals, they rarely work in actual practice…

I know it boils down to the half empty/half full scenario…people get locked into how they look at things and can’t see the other side- but sometimes you have to look straight at it and just say:

“This is a glass. The glass has water in it. Where do we go from here? What happens if we drink it? Spill it? Add more water? Drop the glass? Drink half the water? “

I would like to show people the different scenarios that the glass with water in it could take- not just the cut and dry half empty half full…

I want to be your guide to the future- the real future- not the fantasy one…

Step Away

The Book- Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty

The Quote- That was the secret of a happy marriage: step away from the rage.

Is the secret to a happy marriage to simply take a step back sometimes?

When my daughter was home for break my Husband did/said something stupid. My daughter asked why I didn’t say something to him. I replied:

“In marriage, as in parenting, sometimes you need to take a step back from the stupid. You have to choose your battles, and decide if the battle is the one to take a stand on.”

First off- which quote is better- mine or the one from the book?

Secondly, is the secret to life not 42, but is it really just stepping back?

The people we are closest to are going to annoy us at least once a day. No two people get along perfectly 24/7/365- I know this for a fact because we just had a situation where people were together 24/7/365, and there was a lot of anger and sadness or for the sake of this piece, rage…

Do we need to harp on them every time they don’t load the dishwasher correctly, or they leave their shoes in the hallway? Annoyed because they are wearing an old concert T shirt that is 20 years old and has no arm pits anymore? Disgruntled because they don’t want to watch the same TV show?

If you have a partner, or a child living with you, how often do you point out their mistakes? Or what are mistakes in your eyes?

For homework, I want you to count how many times you nag your partner/child and why.

How many of these things are life threatening? How many of these things needed to be mentioned, and how many of them could have been stepped away from?

Do you step away more than you engage? How does it work for you?

Discuss.

BloganuaryDay 16: What is a cause you passionate about, and why?

Just say no to Censorship

All sides should be allowed to have an opinion and state it openly, whether it’s on a stage, on screen or on the pages of a book.

Those who have censored things end up being on the wrong side of history. They prove to be bullies. They prove to be all about intimidation.

Stop telling people that they are wrong just because you don’t agree with them. Stop books and tv shows and movies from being banned.

Allow everyone to have a voice. Don’t allow anyone to become disenfranchised.

Say NO to banning the written and spoken word.

What Inspired Me: January 16

  1. So I walked around my neighborhood and snapped a few pictures…
  2. My second favorite winter food is Thai curry- this was a delicious green curry with chicken
  3. Galleries 163 and 164 at the Met are Greek BC- the work is just beautiful. Gallery 233 is a special exhibit: Shell and Resin: Korean Mother of Pearl and Lacquer. This was another small but well curated and beautiful exhibit. The pieces are just spectacular.
  4. TV this week includes the return of Masterpiece: Around the World in 80 Days, All Creatures Great and Small and Vienna Blood. All wonderful!!!

Bloganuary Day 15: What is a life lesson you feel everyone can benefit from learning?

Forgive.

Forgive.

Forgive.

Some people errantly think that forgiving shows weakness, that it lets the offender off the hook for whatever the misdeed was.

The people that think that way are quite misguided.

We forgive others so that we can get on with our lives. We forgive because holding on to the anger is stagnating.

If someone wronged you, and you hold on to that hurt, they still have power over you. Why do you want someone else to continue to have power over you?

I get that some things are unforgivable- that some wrongs are so egregious that you can’t for one second think about forgiving. And I’m not saying that you have to go up to that person and shake their hand and then have a coffee. You don’t ever have to tell the person that you forgive them. You can keep that forgiveness a secret between your head and your heart. I’m saying that in your heart you should just remember that what’s done is really done, and all the hostility that you’re holding in your heart should be pushed away to make room for something better, something that will make you more whole than you are right now.

There’s a statute of limitations on how long you can blame someone else. Ask yourself if you are living the best life that you can, or if you are letting the actions of others drag you down. Does it really make you feel better to blame someone else?

Forgive.

It’s for you.

Allow yourself to let it go and move on.